Monthly Archives: April 2013
As you know if you read my previous post (see here), I’ve been a little down lately and struggling to cope with every-day life. Well, the weekend just past saw me and my partner at a lovely hotel, on our own, and grandparents looking after the children. This is the first break we have had since my now 19 month old son was born. No wonder I was getting stressed!
The weekend was wonderful – 2 nights away, and it felt like a week. We did nothing- quite literally nothing, just whiling away the hours as we wanted, sleeping in the afternoon, and just enjoying ourselves. It is amazing what a break from normal routine can do for you. Being away not only from the children but from the house, from the city, gave us the mental and emotional space to clear our cluttered minds, and hit the ‘reset’ button. We came back feeling refreshed, relaxed, and happy – and looking to plan our next break away!
On Monday we went to the beach. It started out as a lovely warm day, the promise of spring in the air. This impromptu decision served 2 purposes: 1) It fulfils my obligation to Arianrhod, (See here) and 2) our boy has not as yet seen the sea. So we decided why not? A lovely follow-on to our relaxing break, to just spend time at the sea. The whole ritual was wonderful; getting out of the house, a leisurely walk to the train station, the train ride… and ah, there it is, the sea! Our boy thought it was great, though didn’t quite dare to get his feet wet – and I don’t blame him, the water was freezing! But the point was – we made the effort to go and enjoy ourselves, not get caught up in all the should-dos of housework. The grin on my son’s face was joyful, running around on the beach and seeing all the sights, and that in itself reminded me – children are so in the moment, to them, it is the experience that matters. Nothing else. Just being.
Yes, that’s me, and no, it wasn’t as cold as it looks in the photo! But the expanse of the sea, the potency, the sheer continuity of it – just to reconnect with the sea again opened up a beautiful feeling inside of me, emphasising the relaxed and contemplative state.
All of this has made me think, has reminded me – that sometimes, we have to take the time to make time for ourselves. Life is so busy, there is always 100 things to do. But the point is – if we don’t look after ourselves, then things are just going to get worse. A little selfishness now and then is not a bad thing. We need to ‘reset’ ourselves every now and again, we need a ‘time out’, just for us, to bring us back into balance and harmony. And that is not going to happen by itself – we need to make it happen. We need to say I deserve to have this time to myself, or this holiday or this treat and then plan it, and make sure we do it!
So I urge you: DO it! Be selfish! Go and have some fun! Take the time to make some time – just for you! I certainly feel much, much better for doing so!
As for fulfilling my obligation to Arianrhod – it seemed such a simple thing. The effect this has had is subtle – no big fireworks mentally or in the physical realm, but I believe a part of the advice was to give me everything that I have stated above: To think about life, about relaxing, about being in the moment. The rest of it I have yet to work out – these inner realm/Otherworldly things often take a while to seep through or absorb. I also feel that a meditation and a reconnection to the Goddess of the Silver Wheel is in order. I may gain further insight or instruction, but mostly to get an insight into her, what She stands for, and why she bade me do this. I will keep you updated with this – if it is appropriate, and interesting, of course!
- Five years ago about this time of year I went home to visit my parents in my childhood home a few miles north of Swansea in South Wales. I decided that while there I would like to spend a few days walking and camping alone in the bleakly-beautiful hills and mountains of the Brecon Beacons National Park.
- I spent the first day hiking through thick fog and endless drizzle, carrying my heavy pack and carefully picking my way through the bogs and rocky cliffs of the barren hills. I had not seen another soul all day except for the ubiquitous Welsh mountain sheep. Wet, cold, exhausted and slightly lost; as dusk fell I decided to camp above the bank of a small stream, below the ridge of a dramatic series of hills known as the Carmarthen Fans. I set up my tent whilst fighting the gusty winds and worsening rain. I started cooking a modest dinner on my little gas stove, the tent whipping about, the soft patting of rain all around and the trickle of the nearby stream. This is when I first heard it. The faint sound of beautiful choral singing, intermittent but distinct and prolonged. Wales is renowned for its male voice choirs and at first I thought I must be hearing a choir practice in a nearby village. However, thinking about it the nearest village was 5 km away the other side of the mountain and a thousand feet below where I was camped. I thought for a while it may be an auditory hallucination, if that was the case it has not happened before or since. The singing lasted on and off for about half an hour, I got up out of my tent to have a look around, all I could see through the growing darkness was the mist. Curious though I was I had no intention of risking injury wandering around the mountains in the gloom and so returned to my tent. Shortly after that the singing ceased and I went to sleep.
- At the time of this event I was not very spiritually inclined and quite dismissive of any concept of the supernatural. I did not dwell on the event and simply filed it in my mind as curious and unexplained. It was not until a couple of years later I was having a conversation with friends regarding supernatural and strange happening where I related my experience. One of my friends, a long-standing pagan excitedly explained that it was the “sidhe” who are known for their choral singing. It is not until recently that I have looked into this; the “aes sidhe”, pronounced “ays sheeth-uh” is the old Irish Gaelic name for the faerie folk, literally meaning ‘people of the [burial] mounds’. In Irish mythology the aes sidhe were the remnant of the Tuatha De Danann “People of the Goddess Dana” a semi-divine race who retreated to the Otherworld following their defeat by the invading Milesians.
- In Welsh mythology the faerie folk are called the Tylwyth Teg meaning “the fair folk”, they are said to be the people of Gwyn ap Nudd their king, who is a Welsh god of the dead and the wild hunt equivalent to the Horned God. Unlike the popular image of faeries as tiny and winged the Tylwyth Teg are the size of adults and invariably described as extremely beautiful.
- Wales abounds with folk tales about faeries and many other magical creatures, however it was not until I started researching this article that I discovered that perhaps the most famous tale of the Tylwyth Teg took place at the spot I camped that night.
- A few hundred meters from my camp site, at the bottom of the hill is a small lake called “Llyn y Fan Fach”, which in English roughly translates as “Lake of the Small Peak”. According to legend one night (possibly New Years Eve – in pagan times this would be Samhain [Halloween]) a local farmer saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen emerge from the lake. She was a faerie maiden, and upon seeing her the farmer set about trying to woo her with bread and cheese! She was a bit picky regarding the bread but eventually he succeeded and the faerie maiden agreed to marry him, one the condition that if he hit her three times she would leave. She provided a dowry of herds of cattle and sheep which also emerged from the lake. They lived happily until for various reasons he hit her on three separate occasions (in most versions of the tale at a christening, a marriage and a funeral), whence she and her herds returned to the lake never to be seen again. It is said that the children she bore him, who remained with their father grew up to be legendary healers.
- The imagery is somewhat reminiscent of to the Arthurian legend of the lady of the lake. As is often the case with Welsh legends, which were not recorded until late into the Christian era it is possible that the Faerie Maiden was originally a Welsh Goddess.
- I cannot rationally explain what I heard that night on the mountains, though I will always remember it. Perhaps I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and to hear the song of Fay.
- Blessings Be )O(
Most people will have a very definite answer on this subject, and their answer – your answer, will based on your own very personal experiences, or non-experiences, for those that do not believe that angels exist.
Those who do not believe in the existence of angels will probably not have their minds dissuaded of this, unless or until they have some unexplained, epiphany-like personal experience. Equally, those who do believe in angels will not be moved from their standpoint, because their own experience was so vivid and powerful that no rationalisation can ever fully explain what they have seen, heard, and/or felt.
Me? Yes. Angels exist, as far as I am concerned. My own experiences validate their existence for me. I have felt Archangel’s Michael’s presence and protection when I have felt vulnerable. Angels have worked with me in healing others and here’s the amazing thing: I have stepped back from the person I was healing, and asked for the angels to take over the healing. Afterwards, the person has asked me what it was I did to their head/neck/back because it felt wonderful – at the time I was not touching them. This happened on several occasions with several different people. I have been protected in times of potential danger. There are many things I could relate, but feelings of internal uplift, of emotional boost, of love and healing, are very internal and personal, and its hard to relate this fully in words.
I would like to clear up a few things regarding angels. Some of you may have particular notions, if you are not that familiar with angelic experience, that are prevalent in modern culture, but that are not necessarily true. And these misconceptions may add to a non-belief in these entities – so, though I am not here to change your mind, I may perhaps give you here a different notion of the meaning of ‘Angel’.
Angels are NOT Christian-centric. This was one reason that put me off the idea of angels to begin with, because I did think they were associated with the Christian religion, and therefore me, as a non-christian, really had no reason for them! But the concept of angels goes back before Christianity and they are known in various forms and by different names in different cultures. I think the fact that Gabriel is in the bible and the Christian culture has a strong belief in angels, the history of angels has become dimmed and almost lost. But the very word ‘angel’ comes from the ancient Greek, Angelos, ‘Messenger’. Angel-like beings are known in the Hindu culture too, and are called Devas/Devis. Angels are linked to Spirituality/Universal energy. They are not the exclusive affair of any religion!
Angels are not necessarily humanoid beings with wings. This is an idea, I believe, that has dominated because it is the picture that artists have long used for angels: it is an easy symbol to paint, after all, and a noble one (which of us doesn’t wish we could fly?!) Also, those who do ‘see’ angels this way do so because that is the way the mind interprets the presence of an angel. As we know, the mind is versatile, adaptable, but also fragile. If it encounters something unfamiliar, it will interpret it in a way that makes sense to it – so what we see is actually an illusion, but one that helps us to identify and understand the current experience.
So if angels aren’t ‘beings with wings’, then what are they? I hear you say. Well, to me, angels are balls of light energy, full of ephemeral colour. This is how I ‘see’ them. And how I think of Angels is as a sentient part of the universal energy. Like Spirit Guides, they are part of the non-corporeal ‘Other-world’, that come to our aid when they are asked to.
If we think about it, there are times when friends and families don’t know that we need help – unless we ask for it. We humans are so good at hiding our true feelings and experiences, that even those closest to us don’t always know that we need help. Angelic beings are the same – they are attracted to us when we call out to them: When we say to the Universe “I’m in trouble and I need help/healing/to feel safe/an answer to a problem”, we are sending out an energy frequency, and angelic beings pick up this energy call, and track it back to us.
Many healers and light-workers see angels as streaks or pinpricks or ribbons of light. Some people don’t ‘see’ at all, but are overwhelmed with positive feelings – love, security, confidence, an ‘opening’ of the heart, and so on. And I know that many healers will say that Angels have worked with them during healings. I can tell you that from personal experience, a Reiki healing is a wonderful thing, and always, always benefits the person being healed – I have done this on myself and others, so I know how it feels because I myself always come out of a ‘Reiki trance’ feeling refreshed, grounded, physically better. BUT, when an Angel enters a healing – that feeling is increased at least three-fold. The power these beings exude is emphatic, like a euphoric rush.
If you are in one emotional state, and, intentionally or unintentionally (out loud or silently) you call out for some kind of help, and you suddenly find yourself filled with completely different feelings, or a change of emotional or mental state that has seemingly come out of nowhere – then you have been visited by an angel. Sometimes this is the only sign of an angel. Yes sometimes they leave physical signs – the classic white feather suddenly appearing, for example, but not all the time. An open mind is what is needed – they are not humans, don’t expect them to conform to human assumptions! For what it’s worth, I never used to believe in the white feather thing, and then – yes – it happened to me. In the middle of winter, bare, barren trees and not a birdie in sight, nor indeed sound – and a tiny baby fluffy white feather floated down right in front of my face. I had to smile. I had been thinking about a worrisome subject on my walk to work – and here came a sign; don’t worry, we’re here!
I am closest to Archangel Michael, for He was the first Angel to come, to my knowledge, to my aid. His presence was a comfort, almost a physical thing, making me feel secure when I had been feeling vulnerable. But I know that all types of other angels have helped me with healings – and healings on my own self, too. And helped me with general problems that I try and think through – suddenly, out of nowhere, and answer is ‘dropped’ into my mind, like an awareness that has been told to me, only I don’t hear a voice, I just suddenly ‘know’. I am glad to have these beautiful beings walking with me in this life, they really are an asset to humankind.
If you are dubious, if you are curious, then take my advice if you will: Why not try it? Next time you feel need help of some kind, just call out to the Universe – ask for help – you can say it in your mind (or heart would be best!) – and see what happens. A word of warning though: be sincere, be honest, be respectful. Angels will not come if you call just to see if they do! But if you are genuine, and you call for Divine help, you may be surprised at what happens. After all, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Any comments, suggestions, questions, or related personal experiences are very warmly welcomed!
First of all, I apologise for our recent absence. We were offline for a time – shock horror! – and other things have been happening too. Life has been very busy lately, and I’ve had a hard time trying to keep up and catch up! Neometheus is a little busy at the moment, so I am catching up with posting.
I was wondering what to write about – so many things! But I haven’t done anything recently that I can directly share. I could write about Reiki (and I will later), I could write about Easter and its meaning – we did do a ritual for that… but it didn’t feel right. Then I realised what it was I did want to write about, and that is the other reason I have not been blogging.
This is a slightly different post, and in writing it, I hope maybe to reach out to some people and see if this resonates with anyone else. Maybe even help. That’s part of what this on-line community is about, isn’t it?
I have reached a point in life where I have realised that I am actually having a tough time. Emotionally, I am all over the place. In facing what is happening to me fully, I was surprised to realise that I am not the person I thought I was. I am finding things difficult to deal with, and my emotional behaviour has impacted on every part of my life: my family, my work, my inner peace, my joyfulness. There is no direct cause in this change in me. Nothing traumatic has happened. It is simply due, I believe, to a continual build-up of life’s stresses and pressures. To face the fact that I am not coping well with normal, everyday life stunned me. I don’t have a difficult life: my children are perfectly healthy, and very happy. I have a wonderful, supportive partner. I have a job that is secure. Money is tight, but not desperate. We have a roof over our heads. I don’t have to deal with being a carer for a family member, or with ill health. On the surface, it seems as though my life is pretty good.
So why, then, this sudden change? Why this inability to find happiness? Why am I in tears every week over nothing? Why am I snapping and snarling all the time? Why why why is all that goes through my head. This can’t be me – I’M the one that tries to help others – I’M the one who heals, by listening, or advising, or comforting. I’M an empathiser. I’M the strong one. I hold things together. I’m Super-Mum – I CAN do everything! I’ve been through a lot – and I’ve always got through. I manage. So why now? Why this? What’s different?
My other reason for feeling that this mini-meltdown shouldn’t be happening is all the tools that I have at my disposal: I’m an intelligent person – I can rationalise things, think them through, come to a solution. I can meditate to help myself, I can use Reiki, I can ask my deities and my Guardians for help, I can use a tarot reading… all these and more I can do to find a solution and to help me heal. And yet I haven’t, and I don’t. Again-why?
Because emotional behaviour has nothing to do with intelligence, or rational thought. Reacting emotionally, feeling a thing, takes over. And when you feel down… you lack the energy or motivation to do anything. This emotional ‘down-ness’ has nothing at all to do with intelligent thinking. Knowing something doesn’t effect a change, because I’m not motivated to act upon it.
So, I know I have methods I can use to help myself. I am not motivated to use these methods. So how can I help myself? The first stage is full acknowledgement. It’s no use telling myself ‘I shouldn’t be feeling like this’ – what does that achieve? I DO feel like this; this IS happening to me. Acknowledge I am in an emotional state. Let myself feel it. Trying to deny it only adds more stress, because it will create a conflict in the mind, and translate to the body. I believe this is often the reason people experience physical problems.
Secondly, let’s take a look at a few home-truths: I am fallible. I am human, and have, do and will make mistakes. It is inevitable. This does not mean there is anything wrong with me. Everyone has issues to one degree or another, and you never know what someone else is going through. You are not the only one, and it does not make you a lesser person.
Thirdly, I am NOT super-mum! Who is? Don’t believe the adverts and the t.v. shows. Do your best, make sure the children have what they need, and sometimes, that is enough. Who cares if the house is a mess? Who cares if you forget the odd thing? Again, fallibility comes with the territory! Things aren’t always going to get done on time. So what?
What I am saying here is that I do not know why this has happened. I do not know why I am having a meltdown. But not knowing is O.K – all I have to do is accept, acknowledge, and take things one day at a time, and move forwards, slowly, steadily, without expectation or assumption. I think that it doesn’t matter what your situation is, or how good you think things are – or how bad – that anything can happen to anyone, at anytime – and it is all right. It WILL be all right. Everyone has dark times – and reaching out for help is possibly the best thing that you can do. Gaining support is not a weakness, it is a strength.
All the tools at my disposal – I should be using. But the motivation is not there. I am so tired, so lacking in energy that, paradoxically, the time when I should be using them is the time that I can’t find the energy too. This is why it is good to have support around to lean on: Using the tools I have is another way of saying ‘I don’t need any outside help, I can do it by myself’. Maybe this is a lesson to me to go and ask for help – from the ‘real’ world. And it also goes to show that we need our feet planted in this world, we can’t live in the ‘Other’ world all the time – it does take a lot of energy to Journey, Spirit-travel, and the rest of it. In this, as with everything, there must be Balance. Balance is the key to everything, I believe.
I still have not had a chance to visit the sea (See last post re; Arianrhod), but I plan to, I really do – I would not renege on a deal with a visiting Goddess! And perhaps that will wash my cares away!
I hope this gives you some insight not only into my life, but the way life can take us by surprise and overtake us when we least expect it. And I hope that this reaches out to anyone who may be, or has been, feeling something similar. I will keep you updated, and I hope to post something more cheerful soon!
As ever, your comments, insights and own experiences are very welcome.