Soul Sickness: Misery or Enlightenment?

Phoenix

My continued absence from the blogging world has not been by choice, but necessity. The last few months have been a really rough time for me, but I have come out of it feeling like – and thank you for this metaphor, lindalitebeing! – The Phoenix from the ashes. I am pleased to report that my current outlook on life is optimistic. Full of hope, determination, excitement, and dreams becoming fulfilled.

So let me take you back to the beginning – and explain what I mean about ‘Soul Sickness’.

Have you ever had an event in your life that seemed utterly depressing? Where you felt that you were at the bottom of a well with no ladder? You sit and brood, thinking all is lost, feeling hopeless, useless even, devastated… And then, somehow, after a while, you come out of it – and find a new lease of life. A completely new direction, a wholly new you, and you think, ‘wow! This would never have happened if that horrible event hadn’t happened first.’ This is soul sickness.

What do I mean by that? The Inner you, your soul, knows what you really want – or need. It knows where your life should be going. But the Outer you, the physical you, is happy to pootle along in that boring job, or in that drab relationship, or in that drug or drink induced befuddlement – because this easy and comfortable. Changing, even if we know it is for the best, is HARD. It requires effort. And it’s SCARY. But sometimes, events force our hand. All things happen for a reason. If devastation did not happen to us – we would not have the impetus to make the changes we know we want/need to make. Our Soul takes a hand in life’s events to lead us to where It knows we should be.

Don’t call it Luck. Don’t call it chance. Don’t give the Kudos to other people – thank yourself. YOU made the change, whether you know it or not.

For myself, this is what happened: As you may know if you have read previous posts, I have been battling with ‘low mood syndrome’ for quite some time. I was doing ok, too, refusing to let it beat me, despite the hold it had on me and my life. Then the place where I worked made changed my job without any due care or consideration to personal requirements, needs, feelings or anything else. I – and others – were really angry. I went home and ranted, then, as normal, went to work the next day. Imagine my surprise then, when, on logging in to the system, I had a panic attack. This was the first time in my life I had experienced a panic attack, and it was truly frightening. Again, the managers seemed unsympathetic and again, did not handle it well, until I eventually just told them I was going – walked out of the office.

Thank goodness I have an empathetic, understandable, GP, who saw me the same day and signed me off straightaway. This was at the end of May. I am still off work now. It has taken me until now to recover – and I am still not wholly healed. Since being off work I continued to experience panic attacks, then a continual sense of heightened anxiety. I’ve been constantly tired, sleeping too much, and my concentration has been shot. All this because of a job!

I have done a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing. Throughout my time off, despite all this rubbish going on with me, I have achieved more than I have in the last few years: I’ve completed something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and am awaiting a reply (I don’t want to say any more yet as I don’t want to jinx it!), I’ve applied for new jobs, mainly with charities, AND… I AM NOW SET UP AS A REIKI HEALER! Something I have yearned to do for years, but never felt that ‘the time was right’. I have my insurance, I have a clinic to work from, and Neometheus and I are designing business cards and a website! I am So excited about this, I have more passion in me than I can remember having in a long time. I have a GOAL, a FOCUS, a REASON for Being!

reikihands

And none of this would have happened if things hadn’t gone wrong at work, and if I hadn’t felt so down. The idea of being down and feeling rubbish for the foreseeable future was loathsome to me. I didn’t WANT to feel like that. And I didn’t WANT to keep working where I was – something I knew several years ago, but just never bothered doing anything about.

I am now at the place that I should have been a long time ago. It took a great big push and shove from my Inner Self to get me here. I never had the courage to follow my mind, heart, and soul. And now I do.

Experiencing Soul sickness is miserable and terrifying – but it is a cleansing of the Self, and if you listen to your Self and have the courage to follow your instinct/heart/dreams – then you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and begin to see the world anew.

Wishing you all the courage and strength to follow your life’s path.

Light & Blessings

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Posted on July 4, 2013, in Other interesting things and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Your story reminds me of the title of a book I just ran across on my book shelf – The Upside of Down.. Basically the down is where we collect all the pieces to reinvent ourselves, an organization . . . Best of wishes with your new direction!

  2. Reblogged this on Willow's Cabin and commented:
    A beautiful story of how one Practitioner came to Reiki . . .

  3. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience! I too became a Reiki Master out of similar circumstances. The symbolic representation of the Phoenix is definitely appropriate! Namaste!

    • Thank you for stopping by Willow. I have actually been a Reiki Master for almost 10 years now, but I have not had the opportunity to practice professionally for a long time. Now there is no choice – it is my Path and I cannot, and will not, put it off any longer!
      Blessings be 🙂

  4. Hello Heidi!
    Linda recommended I check out your blog. Glad I did. Your words resonate with truth and hope, and I’m so glad you’re finally on the path you’ve consciously chosen.
    Many blessings, love & light to you and this new adventure!
    Love, Lehua
    http://www.aMusingSpirit.wordpress.com

  5. Wow! I so relate to your experience; The same thing happened to me 5 years ago. I suffered 3 years of extreme stress, panic attacks and depression because of my job and the changes forced on me and the work force. I too got out after a long period of sickness/time off and its the best thing I have ever done. the year 2008 was an extreme year for me; my partner left me for another woman in March, I left my nursing career in June and declared myself bankrupt in the November. You know something? I didn’t realise it at the time but looking back it was the best year in my life because it led to renewal. Yes I was suffering with ‘Soul sickness’ but eventually moved into ‘Soul Joy’. I have had another period of ‘Soul sickness this year but thankfully nothing as bad as previously. This time some members of my biological family were involved in disturbing my peace of mind. A complete misunderstanding on their part created a lot of gossip and lies being spoken behind my back. Needless to say, I have ‘walked away’ from it all; my ‘Spiritual family bring me so much more joy so I choose to walk my path with them. Thank you so much for sharing this, I know lots of people are going through the same thing right now. Blessings to you.

    • It always comes in a big chunk of events doesn’t it? I’m glad you got through it. Sorry things are happening again now, but may your strength and wisdom see you through 🙂
      Blessings be

  6. Heidi, I feel this post is very important for people to read and absorb. I have had the experience you describe happen in my life at least 2 times in my life, perhaps more. I think it is a self-correcting mechanism, It was only years later that I began to grasp the necessity and grace of these experiences. Would have I preferred to consciously self-correct and avoid the drama?, probably so. Yet I would have missed meeting amazing people and attracting and creating new circumstances that may not have occurred otherwise.

    I am only skimming the surface here, but trust me I get what happened to you! How courageously open you are to put it all out on the table for healing and inspiration.

    I wish you the best for all your new ventures! Consider that maybe you should not have been where you now stand many years ago. I would like to live in the knowledge that all occurs in the right time ( whatever time is) for all beings naturally.

    Thank you for giving me something profound to ponder. Love, Linda

    • Linda, thank you for taking the time to respond and share. You’re right – it can take some while for us to comprehend, understand and appreciate what has happened in our lives. And yes, everything happens at the right time and the place, even if it doesn’t always feel like that!
      I think this ‘Soul sickness’ is little understood in our society, and often missed as the cause of what is happening to us – that’s why so many people are confused, stressed, or just ‘feel’ wrong. I am so excited right now, and have other ideas and inspirations that have spiralled from doing the things I’m doing now.

      The future is looking bright, & I hope that others can see and feel it in their own lives too 🙂

      Light & Blessings x

  7. Congratulations on your new path and direction in life! It sounds all good! Namaste _/l\_

  1. Pingback: Soul Sickness: Misery or Enlightenment? | pujakins

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