I have been itching to write this post for some time, however I have been, metaphorically speaking, running to catch up with myself as so much has happened. Finally I have the space, time, and energy to write this and let you all know what has been happening.

shaman image

Some of you may have read my post about ‘Reiki & Shamanism’, where I talk about the fact that I use Shamanic practices in some areas of my life. Well, since that post, a few days after in fact, a strange happening occurred… I had a strange headache: It tingled, it made me feel ‘odd’, but didn’t hurt like a headache. As the day wore on, I began to feel disorientated and sick. Yet I was not ill, I didn’t have a cold, there was nothing else wrong with me. This feeling persisted continuously for another day, at which time I had a lay down to Reiki heal myself. I asked my Guardians for help, and asked them directly ‘what is this?’ I had the feeling they were reluctant to tell me, they got on with doing… something to me, but I kept drifting off. All I got from them was the word ‘Seperation’. My partner also Reiki’d me… and told me that he saw a black shard in my 3rd eye chakra, cobwebs in my aura, and my aura was fractured from my head (where the disorientation had emanated from) down to my Hara line.

In short, the Shamanic Reiki healings I had done had left me open to ‘negative’ energies that had attached themselves to me… and physically affected me. This realisation – that spirtual energy working could & did have an actual real-life effect shook me up the more I thought about it. I had intended to just do Reiki… and in doing Shamanic healing and not protecting myself, I left myself open to energies.

As I absorbed this over the next few days, something changed in me. A calling, a hardening, a shifting of spiritual thinking… ‘Warrior’ it said, deep within me. ‘Warrior’. My Healing self had realised something important: I am here not just to heal, but to protect. And it was then I realised also: My calling is that of Shaman. Not just to use Shamanic practices, but to BE a Shaman, to walk the walk, to apply myself fully to this path… and that includes protecting people.

This may not seem like much, but it was – is – a big deal. A spiritual evolution, if you will. A change in my very being. A few days after I consciously acknowledged and accepted that I am a Shaman, I had another strange effect… the same kind of disorientation, accompanied by emotionally disturbing feelings. I really thought I was going a little mad at one point, and had to fight with myself to stay in control. I’d done no other healings in this time, & can only believe that it was a test from the Universe to see if I really meant what I said about being a Shaman – did I scare easily? Would I quit?

Quit? How can I quit what I am?! No! The next day I put together a crystal Medicine bundle – Tiger’s eye; Tourmaline; Malachite; Citrineand a special flat stone I have with a Snake (my Animal guardian) engraved upon it. I also got a friend to make me up a crystal protection bracelet, and I bought some Frakincense as well. My intention is to make up a proper Medicine Bag, but I have my ‘starter kit’ for now.

I think more often now about the Darkness. Not that I am being ‘led’ to the ‘Dark side’, but if I am to Protect, then I must know, I must acknowledge, I must look at the darkness. It is nothing specific, it is thought, feeling, knowing. Darkness is there: I WILL face it. Yin-Yang – Balance, dark & light together is life. Everyone talks about the light: healing, positivity comments and posts on facebook etc, like ‘Stay strong, angels are with you’, ‘Let love surround you’… and so on. There is nothing wrong with this… but right now it irritates me, because it is not balanced with the fact we do experience darkness and negativity and we cannot just hope this goes away – we have to work with it and through it. In short – my thinking patterns have changed, shifted, to accommodate my new Being.

I have also collected feathers – something I’ve been drawn to since the Shaman calling. At first, pigeon feathers. ‘Not really appropriate for you’, says my other half, but on thinking, I disagreed. Consider: The pigeon is a humble bird, an

Feathers: pigeon, crow, swan, duck, geese

Feathers: pigeon, crow, swan, duck, geese

everyday bird, nothing special. The pigeon ADAPTED to city life, and is now a very part of the city. I wanted to wear a feather in my hair, and I did try. Not to be pretentious, not to say ‘look I’m different’, but the idea called to me, & I believe because it is a way of marking my identity to myself a reminder in the everyday world of my calling and my duty. However it wasn’t very practical and did not work very well! This has already progressed however – I very happily found some crow feathers – yes, the Dark – and put them away until I found some swan feathers (of which I am still hoping to find more). Black and white… Yin-Yang… Balance. I also have duck and geese feathers… because they are beautiful; they are part of my surroundings; they are part of my part of the Earth – it is connection. My intention is to get some purple and/or white cord, and make up feather medicine bundles, to hang up as appropriate. If I can get some clasps, then I may have a way of being able to attach and detach these feathers in my hair, as and when it seems appropriate!

The other day, I took a walk in the local park, and really noticed everything around me for the first time. I consciously connected with my surroundings, and it was beautiful. I was hoping for more swan feathers- long, full feathers, but what I got was something just as fantastic, if not more so… by dipping into closespaces half-hidden by low branches close-knit trees, and greeting the Great Willow Tree Spirit – I found two workable willow sticks! Perfect for ‘starter’/practice wands and staffs! I was so so happy.

My Willow Find

My Willow Find

Willow Tree - Willow Spirit

Willow Tree – Willow Spirit

I have also started seeing particular symbols at certain chakra points during Reiki healings on myself: first, I saw a Koi carp at the throat chakra, then I saw a Copper Beech tree at the Crown chakra. This is something entirely new to me, and something else to explore and work out the meanings and see what connects to the other chakras and how they fit.

And… I have begun chanting in the mornings. On the way walk back from the school run. Yes, I know, people must think I am mad. But it started one morning, a low sound in my throat, and carried on, as I looked at the sky, the trees… the Life around me. And it calms me, centres me… and I find it hard to stop. It is a chant to Nature, an acknowledgement and a thanks, it is just a simple ‘hey-yeyyey-heyyey-hiyi…’ sort of sound, that carries itself on.

So. In several weeks my whole Inner World has changed, and it has affected Who I Am on the outside too. I am still me, but I am different.. I have had a Spirit-evolution. It has taken me some while to abosrb and understand. I have passed through the other side… and there is a looooooooooong walk ahead of me. It is exciting, slightly daunting, and potentially life changing.


A Warrior always stands alert, ready.

A Warrior fights from the heart.

A Warrior fights to protect – Herself, her kith, kin & clan.

A Warrior stands. Always.

Your thoughts & comments are, as always, welcome.

Light & Blessings


Posted on October 11, 2013, in Shamanism and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I don´t do Reiki as such, but it is the first things of energy healing practices to know how protect ourselves and also not to transmit one´s own energies. So, when doing energy healing/work my personality is aside for the higher energies to flow through. And of course as we still remain human beings ourselves, to know how to clear one´s own energies as well as take care of one´s own wellbeing (like to be able to say no, and not to do too much, and so on). Love, Deelia

  2. I am at last having time to catch up Heidi and so pleased I did today, Welcome Sister of Light upon your Shamanic Journey, and I found early on as a Spiritual Healing I needed to protect myself from attachments. I have a Medicine bag and loved your feathers…. Pigeons feathers are messengers… so big smiles to collecting them… Life is about to get interesting as our inner guides and warrior strength will be called upon more not only in the physical but within our Dream time as we come together as warriors of Light to Help heal the world.

    Wonderful Posting and thank you so much for sharing
    Love and Light
    Sue xox

    • Sue,

      Your support and inspiring words mean so much to me. It seems there are no ‘visible’ Shamans in my area, and courses are expensive, so i am, as usual with any Pathway I explore, learning on my own, which is a little daunting. But much of it seems intuitive, as long as I remember to be cautious & respectful at all times.
      It is working for others – how do you learn Spirit-Journeying for others with no teacher?? Something I really want to be able to do, yet would not use a person as ‘guinea pig’ to explore. I guess it’s a long road which will reveal itself one Journey-step at a time.

      Happy Sunday to you x x

      • Read some of Denise Linn’s Books may be helpful she I have several and her Quest book is a good one… And you can not learn it Heidi, you just follow your intuition and heart…. But she gives good pointers
        And if its any comfort.. I learnt on my own 🙂 with the help of Spirit 🙂 and I am still learning… one step at a time 😉 xxxx

        • Thank you x x
          It’s a never-ending process isn’t it, this Inner exploration & learning… and I’m just taking the first steps!
          It’s a comfort tho to know you too learnt alone…
          It can be done! 😉
          x x x

  3. PS, I had been chanting with Deva Premal and Miten recently and it was so powerful and immediately grounding. Often a voice other than my own seemed to emerge, Cool to know we are chanting across the Atlantic together 🙂

  4. Welcome back Heidi to your Eagle and Serpent blog! Now that we are better acquainted, I eagerly await each new post and this was magnificent!

    I have so many thoughts and opinions about your experiences and I see it from differing angles which can be both exciting and intellectually exhausting 🙂 So I will keep it simple: I think it is fantastic that you are evolving and were able to quickly uncover and heal the causes of you physical ailments. I assumed you were a Shaman even before you started to notice these changes manifesting in you.

    One last point for now: While I understand how there seems to be an overemphasis or imbalance online and in popular spiritual circles towards the light and positive thinking, I think that there is another layer here, Most people will encounter so much suffering and darkness if they live a few years or more, that the presence of the dark is implied! There would be no need to spread light if light was predominant in our awareness. please consider this 😉

    Blessed be,


    • Linda,
      thank you for your thoughts, I am so glad you are here with me, & I would love to hear all of your thoughts! The ‘quickly uncovering’… wasn’t so quick, this is a briefed version, & there is probably some things I have already forgotten! Thankfully it didn’t take too long, but long enough! Interesting you ‘saw’ the Shaman in me… it must have been seeping out, just waiting for me to actually acknowledge it! The Universal Spirits were probably looking down, slapping their hands against their heads and saying ‘duh!!’ 😀
      I appreciate your point on the positivity thing, & I do think it is a good thing, it is just at the moment there is something about that doesn’t quite ‘fit’ me. I wrote about this on my website blog, ‘Shifting Energies’. I’m looking through unusual ‘glasses’ at the moment, sideways than most people, I think!
      I hope you are well my friend

  5. I think it is not a coincidence I came across this post while suffering from a strange headache, similar to the one you describe… I never have headaches as a matter of fact, or very rarely.

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