A Catalogue of Strange Experiences

This post is one that I have intended to write for some time, detailing some unique and strange experiences in my life, that I have never quite been able to explain. I have put this into sub-headings, so please feel free to browse and skip and read only what seems interesting to you! First however, a new experience from today….

HummingbirdAnimalTotemHummingbirdMeaning

Chakras and Totem Associations

I have recently begun to see particular images, or ‘Totems’ at chakra points as I do self-reiki. The first I saw was at my throat chakra, and was a Koi carp, which symbolises good fortune, prosperity, and also the Yin-Yang symbol (apparently the yin-yang is said to be actually be made up of two Koi, male and female, in balance). The second image came to me at the Crown and 3rd Eye chakra, and was the Copper Beech tree. This represents learning, knowledge, crossing barriers, communicating knowledge – very apt, for the chakra points. I knew nothing of the meaning of this tree – I didn’t even know what the tree WAS when I saw it, but it was so vivid that I looked it up on the internet and found it, and of course was suitably stunned by the symbolic meaning. And today I saw a Totem at my Heart chakra – a Hummingbird. After the session, I was discussing with my partner, Neometheus, about my use of energy at the moment and how I feel depleted, and some of this depletion is coming from ‘thinking’ too much: thinking of all the jobs that need doing, that I should be doing, the pull in different directions of my energies. Then I looked up Hummingbird – and was, yet again, hit by the synchronicity of Hummingbird meaning: one site says:

Hummingbirds are also a reminder of how we expend our own energy. When hummingbirds show up in our lives, it’s a good time to take a look at ourenergy-stores and resources. hummingbirds warrant an honest look at how we are maintaining our vibrational frequencies. Are we frittering away our energy on needless issues (ie: worry, fear, lack)? Or, are we in a state of well-honed, regulated balance when it comes to our energy and resources?

Hummingbird is very much linked to the Heart – it is about Lightness, fun, joy, clearing negativity. I am enjoying this chakra/totem association, discovering the many-layered aspects interwoven in the meanings, what they mean to me and how to use them wisely, knowingly, understanding the meaning and pattern developing in my life.

Death dreams

I know this sounds morbid, but it is true. In a 7 year period from age 15/16 to some time in my early 20’s, I had 3 death dreams. They were so realistic I could FEEL my death for days afterwards. I remembered the dreams, the experience of dying, the fear, that these feelings are still with me today, 10+ years later.

White flower on black

Dream 1: Sarajevo war. I have no idea why, I was quite a young child during the time of that war and this dream was years later. I was sitting in a cafe filled with people, when soldiers came in and started firing automatics. I remember ending up on a heaped pile of dead bodies, me still alive, playing dead and hoping against hope the soldiers would leave… but they didn’t, they fired into the bodies, the bullet hit me… life bled, faded from me, I felt life leave me, turn to black… I felt that bullet. I felt death come for me. It was real. And it scared the hell out of me.

Dream 2: English-German council of peace after the war. Both armies sitting at a table discussing moving forward in peace. I was at the head of the table, the diplomat, the ‘neutral’ or aligned party, on both sides and neither side. A soldier burst in through the door, yelling, aimed his gun – at me. Again, the bullet hit. Again, I felt the disorientation, the draining of life, knowing I was dying, seeing only blackness… felt death begin.

Dream 3: I found myself walking down a corridor… and knew it was towards the electric chair. I was walking to my own execution. Panic gripped me: I had to escape. I ran into the bathroom, breathing hard, looked at the window, the walls… no escape. Nowhere to run. I was really going to my execution, there was no denying it, no choice. This was it. I had 5 minutes of life, and then – death. This time the dream ended there, not actually at my death. But the panic, the knowing of death to come… when I awoke, that panic was still with me.

I still, to this day have no idea why I had these dreams. There was no obvious trauma in my life at those times – I remember questioning the dreams at the time. Some subconscious forces were obviously at work, but I never did uncover them. On the same sort of theme, I have several times woken from dreams and found myself actually crying. This has not happened for some time, but again, some strong subconcious actions happening to induce such a physical reaction, and again, not something I ever discovered the ‘why’ of.

Abundant Spiritual Connection

At the age of around 14/15, I was walking in my local town, on a normal day, in a normal way. Suddenly, noticing the people around me, walking, talking, being normal, I felt this amazing connection with them all – suddenly I could not understand how they could just walk past me and disappear from my life, as if they did not exist. To every person I felt this spiritual connection, and had an almost panic-reaction to their coming-and-going in a blink of an eye, that they did not acknowledge this connection with each other. spirit connect The feeling lasted for seconds, literally, but was so profound, it has stayed with me to this day. I have never been able to reconnect with this feeling/understanding, and I don’t know why it happened that day. It was totally out of the blue, came from nowhere, and disappeared again. Leaving me with just a glimpse of absolute, total, inter-connectedness.

Beside myself, quite literally

I have saved the weirdest, the strangest, the most unique experience in my life until last. There are very few people who know this tale, and of those I have spoken to, I have not yet come across anyone who has experienced anything like this. Comments, suggestions and thoughts particularly on this will be very welcome indeed.

Beside myself

Again, this started at the age of about 15 (In writing this post, I am beginning to see a strange pattern!) And again it stopped sometime in my early/mid-twenties. It always happened when a) I was alone, & b) when I looked in a mirror… something ‘shifted’ inside me, and I was no longer quite myself. I felt myself to be, literally, ‘beside’ myself, overlapping my body side-wise; half in my body and half to the side of it. I looked in the mirror and knew it was me, but also felt like a stranger. I became uncomfortably conscious: super-aware of myself, of every action, that it was extremely unsettling. Simple actions, such as brushing my hair, picking up items… felt like someone else was in control, was doing it, with me kind of watching. Yet it felt like ‘me’, it felt like a stronger, wiser, better me, somehow. Me, but a different me who was in control of my body, whilst Me me watched, terrified, wanting to be back to just being me. This sensation could last anything from 15/20 mins up to maybe an hour or so. It really did terrify me because it was such a strange feeling, and I had no idea how or why it was happening. It didn’t happen on a regular basis, but often enough that it was more than a handful of times over that period.

I don’t know why it started. I don’t know why it stopped. And I sure don’t know what the hell it was! I have never been able to find an answer to this.

And Finally, back to dreams…

Last night I had a dream about my right hand having to be cut off (I am right-handed). There was nothing wrong with it in the dream, but I knew it had to go. At first I was terrified, I didn’t want it to be amputated (especially with the stanley knife that was the tool in the dream!). But eventually, I surrendered, choosing to accept the fate, and told them to do it now & quickly. Then it no longer needed to be cut off… as if in the surrender, I had ‘fixed’ the problem, or maybe passed a test. I had a similar dream some months ago about my forearm or perhaps whole arm, accept I had 2 chances in that one, the first I chose to allow my arm to be cut off, which then regrew, the 2nd time I chose to keep my arm and not have it cut away. I am not entirely sure of the theme here but there is definitely something deep going on, and I and Neometheus believe it has something to with ‘control’ and ‘letting go’.

If you have stuck with me so far – wow, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this rather strange trip, and please feel free to share your own strange experiences, or to comment on any of the above – any and all thoughts welcome!

Light & Blessings be,

Heidi 

http://www.spiritanimal.info/hummingbird-spirit-animal/

http://mara-gamiel.blogspot.co.uk/2009/09/hummingbird-symbolism.html

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/hummingbird-animal-totem.html

http://feng-shui.lovetoknow.com/What_Do_Koi_Fish_Symbolize

http://www.wikisymbol.com/115/280/sobi2details

http://www.thegoddesstree.com/trees/Beech.htm

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Posted on November 14, 2013, in Other interesting things and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Out of Body Experiences: OBEing …. Well I read your experiences going into the past which is absolutely possible. I have been doing the same thing myself for years as a Healer. I sometimes get a client that has depression from a pastlife experience that is related to Genomes. I go into the past of the person’s life and I do a LOOP … looks like a fishhook for which I come forward a bit and make changes on the persons Genomes … the one that is genetically implanted into the human in their 1st birth as a test tube baby. The client notify’s me later that their depression has subsided completely over several weeks.

    Okay so it sounds surreal … but when you get enough training from the Spirit Guide(s) … all is possible. Training in OBEing starts with going Out of Body into the past … present …. and future. It helps to do a lot of reading on the subject.

    Heidi, I did find your experiences quite interesting. More importantly maybe perhaps you were supposed to experience the REAL history that happened in a micro situation and less broad as to how wars start but more on a personal level how you felt death and the fear of dying?

    Joelle / Galactic healing

    • Hi Joelle, thank you for taking the time to read and give your response… what you do sounds wonderful and not surreal at all, not to me anyway! 🙂 This going into the past to positively change the present and future is something I hope to learn to do, too. I need a lot more training before I attempt it though! As to your last paragraph, yes I agree entirely. It really did affect me, making me think about my own death and the process of dying. Blessings and thanks 🙂

  2. Heidi, sorry its taken me so long to read and visit this amazing post, I am well behind all my visits ..
    I agree with some of the above statements here, I sensed as you explained your dream some connection in recalling past life trauma at the point of death. And although I have not heard of the experience of being a sort of separate self I can see how we in our soul group could detach and feel separate so giving you the feeling you were not the one in the reflection and in control…
    For me on a personal level I have on occasion looked through the mirror in poor light and thought my reflection not me at all… but not in a fearful way, almost as if my higher self was looking back checking in on me…
    I agree with Julianne about scrying, and had a friend who used water to scry with successfully..

    Our world is experiencing many changes right now, not only materially but energetically and gateways are I am sure being triggered along with our awakening Memory banks of who we once were..

    Loved reading this so thank you for the detail and for sharing 🙂
    Love and Light
    Sue xox

    • Hello Sue,
      thank you, as ever, for your thoughtful response 🙂 No-one I have mentioned the ‘Beside myself’ experience to has known/experienced it… perhaps one day I will find an answer… or maybe not!

      Blessings to you my friend x

  3. I really enjoyed this post too Heidi. Some of the dreams were really quite detailed! I could feel the first one…the little girl.

    The last dream you mentioned…I felt it was similar to the experience I had with the mandala…a lesson in detachment, maybe…?

  4. And, oh the synchronicity! I just came across the goddess tree website a couple of hours ago! Thank you for that affirmation! 😉

  5. All so interesting. Here’s what I “saw” while reading some:
    The right hand/arm is the yang half, and this reinforces the need to let go of control or dominating/over-fiery energy.
    The death dreams – I feel these are past, or even somewhat parallel lives, or sensing the death of twin flames (which would be parallel lives in a way).
    You have the ability to scry through mirrors, even if it’s just looking at your own soul. 🙂

  6. Thank you Linda, for your thought. I have gone over and over these experiences, off and on over the years… the beside myself one was so terrifying to me when it happened, I cannot disassociate from that to think of it as something positive. It may well have been, but I honestly cannot unknot my own celtic cord on this!

  7. Dear Heidi,

    Thank you for sharing all these amazing experiences that seem to have taken place in different states of consciousness. There is so much to take in, so I will focus on one element for now. You have had plenty of activity in your teenage years. I too had many bizarre phenomena during those years, and some of them still defy logical explanation. Could that parallel you be your higher self? could you have been more open and vulnerable due to the changes inherent in adolescence?

    You do not have to answer here, but may want to explore more what else was happening in your life?

    I so enjoy learning more and more about the colors that make up your lovely being.

    xx litebeing Linda

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