Author Archives: reikiheidi
I am aware that is a long time between each of my posts – much longer than I actually want it to be. There are so many things I want to share with you, so much I want to say – yet my time is currently taken up with many other projects and life events.
I had intended to write a different post today, sharing how I currently feel and what I am doing -exciting times indeed, for me at least! However, that will have to wait, as I instead want to share with you an AMAZING experience that I was privileged to be a part of.
Facebook can be inane, it can be time-consuming, distracting, and, sometimes, quite frankly, plain rubbish. But it can also be a vehicle for bringing together beautiful groups and amazing, inspiring ideas… and I came across a page and event that was just such a thing. Here is my story:
On Thursday I experienced something wonderful, beautiful and very special: for the first time, I received distant Reiki healing – not from just one person, but about a thousand.
What was this? How did it happen? What did it feel like?
I joined a facebook group that had been set up as a mass global intent to send Reiki healing to whoever asked for it on the page, at the same time on a set date. The page gained momentum, with a thousand healers joining in and thousands of people asking to receive the healing. I participated as a healer, and each healer also received the Reiki energy from each other. The lady who began this project was surprised and very pleased with the success of the page – she really had not expected it to get so big.
I have given many distant Reiki healings, and the feedback has always been very positive. I know what I experience as the healer, but I was not sure with this event what to expect as a receiver. Knowing how Reiki works, that the healing is able to move through time and space to reach the required person with distant healing, I should not have been surprised by what happened – but I was.
The time was set for 7:30pm. I was keeping an eye on the time, ready to begin a few minutes before to get the energy flowing. Ten minutes or so before this time however, I became aware of a strange feeling: like a pulsing within me, a brightness, an open awareness. It was the sensation of a rushing in the ears – without the sound, and not limited to the ears! I realised at once that some of the healers must have started early. It was a strange feeling, especially as I had not been expecting it at that time, and these feelings, these sensations, arrived within me totally without conscious thought on my part.
I promptly stopped what I was doing and joined in, sending Reiki outwards with the focussed intent of it being received by all had asked within this movement. The ‘movement’ was global, both healers and receivers from all over the world joining together to focus on healing at this time, this moment.
The rush of energy was incredible. I can honestly say I have never felt anything like it. I was surprised, amazed, and awed by the feelings washing over me. I could feel the energy I was sending surging outwards, like a rushing warmth – and at the same time was aware of the energy flowing into me, from all of the other healers. There was so much energy, it was quite intense. I almost felt ‘bowed under’ by the waves coming in. The first 20minutes were particularly intense, as everyone was focussed and ready at the same time, sending together, from every point of the globe. The feeling of connection with others, with strangers, with people not known, was total – this was the opening of the Heart Chakra, and of Spiritual purpose.
There were many images that I saw in mind’s eye as this happened – amazing, spiritually-felt images, and many sensations felt. It was peaceful, contentment, pure bliss…. and a wonderful, amazing thing to be a part of. How did it work? It was, to me, an affirmation of the power of Reiki energy – and how it is enhanced when many people come together with one pure, focussed intent. The direction and feeling of distant Reiki increased immensely with so much focus and so many healers all sending at once. It truly was the most amazing experience.
Since Thursday, the last few days have been very calm and peaceful for me – both without and within. I have been in that ‘Just Be’ place: i.e. no busy mind trying to over-think or running an internal dialogue. No getting stressed because there is too much to do. No extraneous emotions. Everything has just been flowing, simply and naturally. I am just as busy as ever, looking after the children, helping my partner with his current projects, planning and organising my own projects… yet as far as I am concerned there are no obstacles, there are no problems – everything is clear, everything will work out. My body feels healthy and grounded. On Friday I ate a lot – grazing throughout the day, and all good, nourishing food. Usually I am a bit ‘slap-dash’ with the way I eat, not always at regular times or in the way I should. My mind is clear and calm. And I have been aware of thoughts of gratitude for my current position and situation in life – something that is so easy to forget and so often neglected.
Conclusion: – Mass intent Reiki distant healing works wonders! I entered into it because I enjoy giving Reiki, because it good to give back sometimes, and because it looked like an interesting event. I received far more than I ever expected!
Following the success of this event, the lady who set it up has now started a ‘Community Page’ on facebook, for all healers and those wanting to receive Reiki to join, where she will set up regular distant healing events. If you wish to join this and experience Global Reiki healing for yourself, the link is here
Facebook name: ‘World Hug & Healing’
It feels as though I have been away from WP for a long time – Hello again, it is nice to be back here! The truth is, I have wanted to write for a long time – I have had thoughts buzzing around my head, but the idea of sitting and writing them into a cohesive piece seemed like too much effort. Winter took a real toll on me, with low energy and mood, and I quite literally ‘withdrew back down to my roots’. Then, with the turning of the year into 2014, FLIP! – It was like a switch being flicked in my head.. suddenly, for no apparent reason, I found more energy, I felt inspired, plans formulating in my mind, my heart opened…. all through no conscious effort, no decision, no doing on my part. It was like a natural biological happening. I am happy and thankful this, and it is odd, as we are still in Winter… and yet psychologically it feels like Spring to me. Perhaps it is the idea of a whole New Year ahead of me, fresh, new beginnings to play with and time enough to make them happen… perhaps it is the time passed since the Soltice, the drawing away of the dark nights and the Sun is calling, “I am coming! I am on my way!” As a Pagan & one sensitively attuned to the rhythm and beat of each season, and one who did indeed celebrate and honour the Solstice, I can well believe this could, indeed, be the case.
2014…. ah, I welcome you! So far every day – every day – has been calm, easy-going, free of stress, and, wonder of wonders, plenty of time. Having ‘enough time’ has been something I have struggled with. I have felt I am always rushing, always struggling to stay on top of things, always worrying about time, time, time… and suddenly, here I am, with apparently more than enough to get things done. Relaxed – that is the word for 2014! I am, mentally, spiritually, physically relaxed. Where has this extra time come from? Nothing has changed in my life since the end of 2013! I do not know, but I am very, very thankful. I feel like I am in a warm slip-stream, flowing with effortless ease.
To emphasise the fact that 2014 is a good year, I have had some physical manifestations of goodness: a friend of mine whom I have given Reiki to, and who was having a very tough time indeed, told me that shortly after the Reiki session that her whole situation turned around and her life transformed. I was so happy for her, and happy that I was a part of that process. This was a good sign of things to come!
Also, I finally finally found it – My Silver Star bracelet, as ‘given’ to me in a vision by Araianrhod. It is not exactly as I saw in my vision, but close enough – plus I found it on a street stall in my own city, rather than online or in a chain store, which feels much more meaningful. That I have found this bracelet means a great deal to me, it feels like the completion of an important task, and a step forward… to what next, I do not yet know, but I am ready and willing to see!
Another special item that I have acquired is this beautiful piece, which was a christmas present from Neometheus. It is flexible material and can be worn on the wrist or the upper arm. The Serpent, gold and green, has several connections and meanings for me, and I would love to be wearing this all the time, though alas it is not practical. The gold-and-green colouring is physically akin to my own Snake animal Totem. The piece reminds me and feels like a connection with my Celtic (Spiritual) ancestors, a people I have long regarded with awe and inspiration. So to gain two pieces of meaningful jewellry at the start of the year is a special and significant thing for me.
I have plans that I want to initate for my Reiki business, I want to further develop my Spiritual/Shamanic progress and knowledge, other projects to begin… ah, so many wonderful things to do and plan and learn and become! Yes, I think, I hope, I believe that 2014 is going to be a very good year!
I have another blog article lined up, thanks to a question from a fellow blogger and dear friend, Linda at Litebeing Chronicles, regarding the essence and fundamental meaning of Guardian/Spirit/Totem animal guides. I have always simply taken for granted their Being-ness and help, but I have never sat down and thought about the logisitics and reasons for their presence. Linda has raised an excellent question, that I am currently in the process of thinking carefully about, to put into a cohesive and understandable explanation. Hopefully I will be able to publish this soon.
I hope your 2014 has started well, your comments and queries are always & as ever, welcome. And, in the meantime, just in case it may be of interest to you, I shall leave you with this….
I have spoken before about the Chakra points on the body – the energy centres that link our physical, mental and spiritual aspects together, and indeed there is a section on the website that explains the Chakras, from the Root Chakra to the Crown. Now I would like to discuss the Hara line, and the further energy centres aligned with this.
The Hara Line Chakras are located in between the major chakra points, along the central line of the body, and I am noticing them more during my Reiki healings. Outside of the body, above the head and below the feet are the Transpersonal Point and the Earth Chakra, respectively. These relate to heavenly Chi and Earth Chi: the energy that we draw in to our bodies from outside of us. When we draw the energy in, down our bodies from the head, this is Universal Heavenly energy, and it is light, clear, and quick-flowing. When we draw energy in, up from the ground, this is grounding or earthly energy, and it is heavier, black, and slower moving.
Working from the top down, at the base of the skull is the Causal Body chakra and is crimson. It is linked with manifestation. This does not yet seem to be fully open and is what I would call expectant: it is there, but is not strong and does not seem to have much impact yet. Next, between the Throat and Heart Chakras is the Thymus Chakra, and is turquoise. It is linked with immunity, and therefore health and protection. This chakra in particular on the Hara line appears to be quite strong, or perhaps open would be a better description. It seems to attract a lot of Reiki energy. It is also known as the High Heart and spiritually it is linked to joy, peace, contentment, connection to humanity.
Next is the Diaphragm Chakra, and is lime green. It is connected to purging toxins, as well as old emotions. Located between the Heart and Solar Plexus Chakras, it links ego/self-will Solar Plexus with self love and compassion Heart. Thus, fully opened, it will open us, the person, up further to knowing and bringing into our lives only that which is good for us. After this is the Hara itself, also known as the Tan or Dan Tien. This is the seat of original Chi and has been known in the east for a long time, especially in such disciplines as Qigong. This is where energy is stored, where we are balanced and is perhaps the most important Hara line Chakra because of this. It is also the strongest. I believe many healers instinctively know about the Tan Tien – for example, I naturally held my hands flat on my belly, in a diamond shape around my navel when working with energy- around the Tan Tien. This is where I feel the energy gathering, and always have done, even before I knew about this energy centre. It is also a comforting place to hold the hands. When the Tan Tien is active, our energy store increases, we can hold more Chi. It also easily connects – and holds – the earth chi and the heavenly chi as they move through the body. This is where the three forces gather and spread outwards; our own energy, heavenly energy, and earth energy.
For me personally, obviously the Tan Tien is extremely active, and is where I always start with self-Reiki, feeling the energy gathering there before I move on to the major chakra positions. The Thymus chakra too seems very active, and is a chakra point I have found myself unintentionally activating – such as nearly-falling asleep with my hand directly over the Thymus chakra, and feeling the Reiki energy flowing, even though I had not intended to do a Reiki self-healing. I have also sensed this chakra when working with clients.
If you work with energy, or meditate, try meditating on the Thymus Chakra to activate it, and sense what it means/feels/sends to you.Heidi.
After my blog post yesterday, I decided to do a Rune Reading for myself. I haven’t done one for a while and it seemed appropriate. What can I say, except that they did not fail me, and once again, blew me away with their accurate and direct messgae. So much so, that I thought I would share it with you here, so you too can be amazed at their ‘fit’ into current circumstances.
Before you read further, if you have not read yesterday’s post, please do so, as the Rune reading will make much more sense.
I do a 3 Rune Reading, just about present circumstances, not ‘past-present-future’. I asked the Runes ‘What do I need to know now?’
GEBO. Responsibilities & Obligations. Associated god Njord, ‘the Earth enjoyer’.
Gift-giving; energy exchange; generosity & hospitality. Element Water, realm of Intuition. This is a mutual exchange of energy, whether you are the giver or receiver, honour your oaths and exchanges, implicit trust on both sides, with loyalty and favourable emotional sharing. Relates to celebration and hospitality and that generosity is rewarded. (NOTE: for me, this relates to my idea of reading the runes for free for 3x selected people on my FB business page.)
ISA. Reduction & Reinforcement. Associated goddess Skaldi ‘Harmful’. NJORD & SKALDI WERE MARRIED FOR A SHORT TIME BEFORE SEPERATING – 9 DAYS IN EACH OTHERS’ REALMS. (Thus the unification of these 2 runes together amplifies the strength of the situation whilst maintaining self awareness & solitude!)
Isolating the self to preserve integrity, contraction, stillness. Element Earth, realm of Feeling.
Formation of own personality, awareness of own ego, self protection, retreating into self whilst still maintaining external contacts. Able to act and interact independently knowing own boundaries, knowledge of self-worth, ability to influence others.
(NOTE: remember what I said in yesterday’s post about retreating, drawing my own boundaries…?!)
MANNAZ. Acceptance & Pragmatism. Associated god Mimir, ‘Mindful/Memory-Wise’.
Human nature in all aspects, from Beast to god, superseding Nature’s limitations, adaption to life’s realities. Element Air, realm of thought.
Intelligence, Wisdom, co-operative ventures, compatabilities.
Aware of the spirit and not just the physical body, knowledge of potential & limitations, truth of existence, self control, social attitude, intiate seeker, occult power.
Discipline of the needs/desires of the mortal body through honed intelligence has produced a balanced personality, a nobility of spirit. Understanding of the human condition through self-analysis gives a patient approach to life’s journey. Gift of occult (hidden) reality. Empower yourself and others with this gift. Be assertive, you no longer need fear death, nor can others manipulate or control you. With pragmatism your needs can be fulfilled without undue attachment or aversion, by maintaining a balance between subjective and objetive reality.
Put together, this reading very neatly ties up, enhances and emulates all that I said in yesterday’s post! It clearly favours my taking up the Runes for Reading for others, my retreating for Winter and feeling of independence, that the path I am following is the right one, for myself and for others, that I am growing, learning and developing whilst maintaining my own boundaries and essence. Also the fact that the first 2 runes are of a god and goddess who were short-term unified suggests a good yet independent relationship – intelligent, self-aware unity, which I believe is an underlaying ‘comment’ on my relationship – Neometheus and I support each other, he has helped and guided me, yet I do my own thing and he his, we have our own paths to follow.
So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this and are just as amazed by it as I still am!
Firstly, I wish to say a HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of my American friends. I hope you are all having a wonderful celebration.
Winter is always a strange time for me. I hate the cold, with a passion. Neometheus says I must have been a lizard type creature in another life, because I ‘recharge’ with the sun! Winter makes me sad, tired, and I feel like I just want to hibernate – I really would given half a chance! Apart from the ‘S.A.D.’ diagnosis that many will attribute this to, there is actually a very good reason for the way I feel.
Let me explain something first: I am not Pagan because I chose that as my religion/faith/Spiritual Path/whatever you want to call it. I am Pagan because it is the way I FEEL, deep down inside. I was ‘Pagan’ before I knew that word, the term, the meaning. As a young teenager I always felt on the outside of things, different even from my friends, for a number of reasons. I remember on the walk to school ambling along the roads and looking at the leaves, the trees, the sky, the earth, and really appreciating them, feeling them. Then I came across the word ‘Pagan’ and its meaning, and I thought ‘So THIS is what I am!’ And thus my Path was determined. Paganism fits me like my skin, it is what I am INSIDE, heart and soul.
So – what does this have to do with Winter? Well I, and probably most pagans, are very in tune with the changes and shifts of the Seasons. The weather, celebrations, turning of the Seasons have an impact on me mentally and internally. Here is a simplified explanation:
SPRING – Start of growth, beginning to set up plans, gently awakening, welcoming the return of the Sun and natural life.
SUMMER – very active, plans into full swing, inspiration, ideas and doing, action, happiness, bouncing around, life blooming, sun at its peak giving maximum Vitamin D and thus energy to all life (including us).
AUTUMN – Experience from all the plans, reaping the harvest that has been sown, enjoying the fruits of the labour of Summer, beginning to gently slow down, thinking time, gratitude, satisfaction.
WINTER – Slow down, retraction, retreat as the Sun wanes and natural life withdraws/hibernates, plans stop, energy reserved, reflection, going inwards, contemplation.
This is the cycle of the Seasons – and of me. Obviously it comes and goes, I’m not ALWAYS ‘bouncy’ all of Summer and not ALWAYS bleak during Winter… but I have noticed a pattern over the years that runs parallel with that of the seasons. And I think many people also feel this, even if they are not consciously aware of it. The ‘S.A.D’ (Seasonal Affected Disorder) is not counter to this, but rather I think a scientific explanation of the same thing. We are all part of Nature, no matter how far removed we may think we are, and Nature naturally retreats in Winter, storing and reserving her energy until Spring begins to bring her bounty once again.
Internally, I feel I have already retreated this Winter: I am doing as much as I need/want to and no more. In a way I have been ‘Letting Go’, of that which is not needed – doing extra things for others, wasting energy worrying or stressing, attempting to please others. Now this may sound selfish, but actually it is not – we need to draw our own boundaries, learn when we need to say ‘no’ and when we need our energy for ourselves. And also in so doing, if we often do things for others, then sometimes letting go of this helps them – it helps them to learn to do their own thing without dependency, to draw THEIR own boundaries, and that you may not always be at the beck and call to help. This can be liberating. For me, it is necessary. My energy is currently very low and I need to preserve it for that which is important, needed, required.
Do not misunderstand me: I’m not NOT doing anything else for anyone, at all, all Winter – I am doing what I feel I can/should/want to do for others. But within limits: basically I ask myself the questions ‘Can I do this? Should I do this? Do I want to do this?’ If the internal answer is ‘Yes’, then I do it. But if I want to spend some time in the evening to please myself, then I will do that, rather than running around after others, or worrying about future tasks. I suppose from the outside view, it is a subtle change. From an internal view, it is a big change.
Plans and activities are still there though, my passion may be muted but it is still there – I am like the banked fire: my coals are still glowing, and will continue to, slow but ever-ready, instead of the Fire’s (Summer’s) high, wild hot leaping flames. Last weekend, I attended my first Mind Body Spirit Fair, offering Reiki. Neometheus accompanied me, for company and moral support, and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was not very busy unfortunately, but I see that as a lesson in ‘The Universe Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle’: Publicly I can be quite shy. One to one and small social groups I am fine, but public scenarios I still have to learn confidence, and ‘putting myself out there’ as a stall holder in an open event falls under that category for me. However, I enjoyed doing it, and I met some wonderful people, other stall holders, and seeing what everyone had to offer. I was very nearly tempted with a past life regression – but the cost of it just overcame my curiosity! However, I did buy some beautiful Selenite Pillars, which are now proudly sitting on my mantelpiece/altar.
One thing that was not at the fair was Rune Readings. I have a set of Runes and love them, I find their readings to be deep, many layered, sometimes – most times – profound, and sometimes quite blunt, and always extremely accurate. A lady at the fair who advertised herself as a ‘Seer’ obliquely mentioned me reading the tarot/cards. I didn’t have my tarot there, she picked this out of the ether. Now I have never charged for readings, I’ve never done it publicly – I have only read for friends and friends of friends, when asked. Never for a charge, because somehow, it has never seemed right to me. Neometheus mentioned the Runes in idle discussion, and it has sat with me – until I decided to offer this as a celebration giveaway on my Facebook page Reiki Rise & Shine. This has had a huge response, which was a pleasant surprise for me. So now I’m thinking, if things goes well, if the Readings work as well for others as they do for me, this can be another aspect I can bring to the next Fair that I attend.
Plans: I am planning already for next year – how to expand my business, attending as many Fairs/appropriate events as I can, offering the Rune Readings… and possibly more. Though I am quiet business wise at the moment – no surprise with Christmas around the corner – I have the whole of next year ahead of me, and now is the perfect time for planning, thinking, and learning. So I am quietly excited about having this time in which I can reflect, think, draft plans, and learn and explore the depths of myself, my abilities, and take time to develop and learn further – Spiritually, Shamanically, with the Runes, and so on and so forth.
So, although I hate cold, dark Winter, and would rather have the Sun and warmth and energy, Winter brings us much needed rest (if we heed Her wisdom!) and time for contemplation and reflection. I may be quiet and withdrawn, but I am also excited, and ready to develop and learn for next year.
A Blessed Winter to you – unless you are in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, I hope you enjoy your Summer!
This post is one that I have intended to write for some time, detailing some unique and strange experiences in my life, that I have never quite been able to explain. I have put this into sub-headings, so please feel free to browse and skip and read only what seems interesting to you! First however, a new experience from today….
Chakras and Totem Associations
I have recently begun to see particular images, or ‘Totems’ at chakra points as I do self-reiki. The first I saw was at my throat chakra, and was a Koi carp, which symbolises good fortune, prosperity, and also the Yin-Yang symbol (apparently the yin-yang is said to be actually be made up of two Koi, male and female, in balance). The second image came to me at the Crown and 3rd Eye chakra, and was the Copper Beech tree. This represents learning, knowledge, crossing barriers, communicating knowledge – very apt, for the chakra points. I knew nothing of the meaning of this tree – I didn’t even know what the tree WAS when I saw it, but it was so vivid that I looked it up on the internet and found it, and of course was suitably stunned by the symbolic meaning. And today I saw a Totem at my Heart chakra – a Hummingbird. After the session, I was discussing with my partner, Neometheus, about my use of energy at the moment and how I feel depleted, and some of this depletion is coming from ‘thinking’ too much: thinking of all the jobs that need doing, that I should be doing, the pull in different directions of my energies. Then I looked up Hummingbird – and was, yet again, hit by the synchronicity of Hummingbird meaning: one site says:
Hummingbirds are also a reminder of how we expend our own energy. When hummingbirds show up in our lives, it’s a good time to take a look at ourenergy-stores and resources. hummingbirds warrant an honest look at how we are maintaining our vibrational frequencies. Are we frittering away our energy on needless issues (ie: worry, fear, lack)? Or, are we in a state of well-honed, regulated balance when it comes to our energy and resources?
Hummingbird is very much linked to the Heart – it is about Lightness, fun, joy, clearing negativity. I am enjoying this chakra/totem association, discovering the many-layered aspects interwoven in the meanings, what they mean to me and how to use them wisely, knowingly, understanding the meaning and pattern developing in my life.
I know this sounds morbid, but it is true. In a 7 year period from age 15/16 to some time in my early 20’s, I had 3 death dreams. They were so realistic I could FEEL my death for days afterwards. I remembered the dreams, the experience of dying, the fear, that these feelings are still with me today, 10+ years later.
Dream 1: Sarajevo war. I have no idea why, I was quite a young child during the time of that war and this dream was years later. I was sitting in a cafe filled with people, when soldiers came in and started firing automatics. I remember ending up on a heaped pile of dead bodies, me still alive, playing dead and hoping against hope the soldiers would leave… but they didn’t, they fired into the bodies, the bullet hit me… life bled, faded from me, I felt life leave me, turn to black… I felt that bullet. I felt death come for me. It was real. And it scared the hell out of me.
Dream 2: English-German council of peace after the war. Both armies sitting at a table discussing moving forward in peace. I was at the head of the table, the diplomat, the ‘neutral’ or aligned party, on both sides and neither side. A soldier burst in through the door, yelling, aimed his gun – at me. Again, the bullet hit. Again, I felt the disorientation, the draining of life, knowing I was dying, seeing only blackness… felt death begin.
Dream 3: I found myself walking down a corridor… and knew it was towards the electric chair. I was walking to my own execution. Panic gripped me: I had to escape. I ran into the bathroom, breathing hard, looked at the window, the walls… no escape. Nowhere to run. I was really going to my execution, there was no denying it, no choice. This was it. I had 5 minutes of life, and then – death. This time the dream ended there, not actually at my death. But the panic, the knowing of death to come… when I awoke, that panic was still with me.
I still, to this day have no idea why I had these dreams. There was no obvious trauma in my life at those times – I remember questioning the dreams at the time. Some subconscious forces were obviously at work, but I never did uncover them. On the same sort of theme, I have several times woken from dreams and found myself actually crying. This has not happened for some time, but again, some strong subconcious actions happening to induce such a physical reaction, and again, not something I ever discovered the ‘why’ of.
Abundant Spiritual Connection
At the age of around 14/15, I was walking in my local town, on a normal day, in a normal way. Suddenly, noticing the people around me, walking, talking, being normal, I felt this amazing connection with them all – suddenly I could not understand how they could just walk past me and disappear from my life, as if they did not exist. To every person I felt this spiritual connection, and had an almost panic-reaction to their coming-and-going in a blink of an eye, that they did not acknowledge this connection with each other. The feeling lasted for seconds, literally, but was so profound, it has stayed with me to this day. I have never been able to reconnect with this feeling/understanding, and I don’t know why it happened that day. It was totally out of the blue, came from nowhere, and disappeared again. Leaving me with just a glimpse of absolute, total, inter-connectedness.
Beside myself, quite literally
I have saved the weirdest, the strangest, the most unique experience in my life until last. There are very few people who know this tale, and of those I have spoken to, I have not yet come across anyone who has experienced anything like this. Comments, suggestions and thoughts particularly on this will be very welcome indeed.
Again, this started at the age of about 15 (In writing this post, I am beginning to see a strange pattern!) And again it stopped sometime in my early/mid-twenties. It always happened when a) I was alone, & b) when I looked in a mirror… something ‘shifted’ inside me, and I was no longer quite myself. I felt myself to be, literally, ‘beside’ myself, overlapping my body side-wise; half in my body and half to the side of it. I looked in the mirror and knew it was me, but also felt like a stranger. I became uncomfortably conscious: super-aware of myself, of every action, that it was extremely unsettling. Simple actions, such as brushing my hair, picking up items… felt like someone else was in control, was doing it, with me kind of watching. Yet it felt like ‘me’, it felt like a stronger, wiser, better me, somehow. Me, but a different me who was in control of my body, whilst Me me watched, terrified, wanting to be back to just being me. This sensation could last anything from 15/20 mins up to maybe an hour or so. It really did terrify me because it was such a strange feeling, and I had no idea how or why it was happening. It didn’t happen on a regular basis, but often enough that it was more than a handful of times over that period.
I don’t know why it started. I don’t know why it stopped. And I sure don’t know what the hell it was! I have never been able to find an answer to this.
And Finally, back to dreams…
Last night I had a dream about my right hand having to be cut off (I am right-handed). There was nothing wrong with it in the dream, but I knew it had to go. At first I was terrified, I didn’t want it to be amputated (especially with the stanley knife that was the tool in the dream!). But eventually, I surrendered, choosing to accept the fate, and told them to do it now & quickly. Then it no longer needed to be cut off… as if in the surrender, I had ‘fixed’ the problem, or maybe passed a test. I had a similar dream some months ago about my forearm or perhaps whole arm, accept I had 2 chances in that one, the first I chose to allow my arm to be cut off, which then regrew, the 2nd time I chose to keep my arm and not have it cut away. I am not entirely sure of the theme here but there is definitely something deep going on, and I and Neometheus believe it has something to with ‘control’ and ‘letting go’.
If you have stuck with me so far – wow, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this rather strange trip, and please feel free to share your own strange experiences, or to comment on any of the above – any and all thoughts welcome!
Light & Blessings be,
Linda at litebeing chronicles invited her followers to take part in her Retrograde challenge: with Mercury in retrograde, she came up with the idea of reintroducing something from the past still in your life – an old cd, item of clothing, jewellry, anything that you have had around for a long time but has been left untouched. The idea was to see how this item from the past now makes you feel and if it engenders any feelings or new associations/experiences.
I thought this was a great idea, though initially I did not think I had anything relevant to partake in this interesting challenge – I tend to throw things out quite ruthlessly. However, as I sat looking at Linda’s article, I turned to my bookshelf… and my eyes fell straight onto the Carlos Castaneda books. Bing! Went the lightbulb in my head… this seemed perfect: given the new spiritual evolution happening with me right now, and the fact that I had been meaning to re-read these books for a while, it all seemed to tie in quite nicely. It has been many years since I read Castaneda, so it would be right for the Retrograde challenge.
However, rather conincidentally, I had, just the day or so before I read Linda’s article, picked up another book that I
had not re-read for some years: Iain M Banks‘ Look to Windward. I found that I just could not set this aside in favour of starting Castaneda. I was already enjoying it too much, and there is a particular poignancy with this book which fits nicely itself with this challenge: Iain M Banks passed away earlier this year. He is the ONLY ‘celebrity’ – sorry, ‘famous person would be a better description – that genuinely made me very very sad when I heard that he had died. Banks is in my top 5 authors, I truly believe he was a Master of his Art. No-one can write like him, and the loss of such a genius touched me to the core. I have not read any of his books since his passing – until now.
I remember that the first time I read this book, I actually cried at the end, I found it so poignant. There are only 4 books I have ever read – and I am an avid reader – that have made me cry, they were that good. So I continued to read Look to Windward. I remembered nothing of the plot line from the first reading, so it was, in a sense, like the first reading. Now, I don’t know if it was the knowledge that Banks is no longer with us, or just his superb writing, but I did not just read this book: I savoured it; I thrilled in it, I took every line, every paragraph into my heart. In terms of writing style, plot, imagination, emotional depth – this book is… dare I say it?… perfect! The complexity, the depth, the scope of the mind to write such a thing… and there are some truly profound lines within the story as well, that touched me deeply. I am so pleased to have read this book, at this time. I didn’t cry again at the end, but I FELT the story, the concept, the message. And that depth of feeling was exactly what I needed in my life. I cannot explain why; it was just something left me with a kind of happy whimsy.
Thinking of the challenge also guided me to start wearing my Nan’s ring. Now, I don’t know why there is this pattern, but my Nan is also an entity who is no longer living. She passed away in 2008, and it was particularly poignant as I was pregnant with my first child – what would have been her first grand-child. She never knew I was pregnant as she had been very ill for a long time. My Nan had given me her ring a few years before this, insisting that I have it. It was her engagement ring, from her husband oh-so-long ago. Yet another poignant point: her husband died when my mum was 2. So this ring my Nan had carried for many years in memory of her long dead husband, and had chosen to give it to me.
Normally I keep the ring in my jewellry box for fear of losing it, but I chose to wear it now, in light of this challenge. And this is what I learned: I am not sentimental about things. I love the ring for what it represents – but my Nan is in my heart… wearing the ring did not engender any special feelings in me, it is, to all intents and purposes, just a ring. I wore it for a few days and was actually quite surprised by the lack of feeling – but it just showed me what I already knew (I think) – that my feelings come from my heart, from within, and not in regards to physical items.
During all this, I was also going through a high-irritation phase that I just could not shake off for days. Finally, when I had a day completely to myself, I did something I have not done for a long time, and indulged in myself for the sake of it. I brought out my girlie side by painting my nails and putting make-up on just because, and I played some cds, very loud. These are cds that I have not played for a long time, mainly because they are ‘adult content’ and the kids are usually around, but also because I tend to think my music tastes have changed. Do I tell you? Ok, rap music. Yes, me, rap. This goes back to my teenage days and into my early 20s. So, for the first time in several years, on goes Eminem’s 8 Mile (from the film), up goes the volume…. and lo and behold, an hour or two later, I am feeling really, really good. My irritation has gone completely. In allowing myself to indulge whole-heartedly in things that I generally tend to categorise as ‘Not Me/No Longer Me’, I released an expectation of myself… I shifted the habit-patterns… and thus made room for new responses, which was healthy and definitely needed!
So… book; ring; cds… what has this Retrograde challenge meant for me? Well, bringing old things back into my life didn’t engender feelings of sentimentality, melancholy, past memories… but I did enjoy revisiting some of these old things (whilst learning that I really am NOT sentimental!) and sometimes, it really is good to drag things out of the ‘Past’ cupboard, and give yourself an old/new space, because you just never know what the experience will bring to your life!
Tomorrow’s post on the Retrograde Challenge is by Shree at The Heartsong Blog. Please visit her to see what this experience has brought to her, and if you want to catch up from the start, you can visit Julianne’s Blog here. Linda’s Blog here shows the full schedule.
So a big Thank You for Linda for inspiring and encouraging this experiment… and maybe soon I WILL get around to reading those Castaneda books!
- Cosmic Retrograde Challenge: Moving Forward (juliannevictoria.com)
- Mercury Retrograde, October 21 – November 10, 2013 (astromate.wordpress.com)
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REIKI-INFUSED CRYSTAL HEALING PACKS GIVEAWAY.
I am giving away TWO of these packs & TWO of the loose crystal pairs.
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I hope this may of interest to some of you, hence my posting this here.
Happy to answer any questions!
Draw will be done 31st October at 7:30pm UK time.
Light & Blessings
What a week or two this has been! Intense emotions and thoughts, reconnecting the past with the present, and bringing new things into my life too!
A short while ago, I began to feel really irritable, for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a moment of irritation – this was a full-blown continuing-for-days irritation, and it was aimed at everything. Myself, the family, the inane conversations of passing strangers, manners – or lack-of – of strangers, t.v. Adverts, inane t.v. Programmes… everything. Where did it come from? Why did it suddenly appear? I thought I’d solved this problem when I quit my job and started my Reiki practice!
I came up with several possibilities for this sudden irritation:
The meds are still having an effect on my system, despite having taken myself off them 6/8 weeks ago – I just stopped taking them because, quite frankly, I didn’t want them anymore – but I didn’t realise that you are not supposed to ‘just come off’ them, you are supposed to gradually increase the dose. This sort of action is typical me, really – all or nothing, stubbornness in doing what I want because I think it’s the best way!
Given my forays further into the Spiritual world, it could be a ‘test’ from that world. I won’t say ‘attack’ – not this time – because it didn’t feel like that. But it could have been a test – how do I cope with my own feelings, emotons? Am I balanced enough to do this work? Can I bring myself back into balance?
Two people very dear to me suggested it could be the negative energies from all the healings I have been doing. Now, Reiki has an in-built fail-safe system that rebuffs any negative energy back to the universe – however it isn’t just Reiki that I have been doing, so this is also a possibility.
The Shamanic world is showing me that I have an issue with internal anger that I need to look at closely. I’m not an angry person, do not mistake me – but that, in its way, is the problem: I have never learnt how to effectively express my anger: I tend to hide it away, keep it bottled inside, until -pop! Just like the fizzy drink bottle analogy. This possibility is one I intend to delve into and discover whether, indeed, I have an issue that I need to explore about myself.
The problem with treading a solitary path is balancing everyday normal reality with the spiritual. There could be an everyday reason for my irritability, and I should not – no-one should ever – ignore this in favour of some more ethereal and esoteric reason for goings-on. But just as important is that I should and need to take into account that it COULD well be a Shamanic/Spiritual experience trying to tell me something. Both are equally important and deserve due attention, because I live and walk in both worlds and attract energies from both worlds. But, I have to work out which world these signs, these energies, these dis-eases come from. How can I move forward and develop if I don’t have an answer? If I just shrug it off as ‘something that happened’, then it could happen again, because I haven’t taken steps to resolve the source of the issue.
In the midst of all this I accepted Litebeing Chronicles ‘retrograde Challenge‘. To reconnect with something old that used to be loved, that you no longer use/read/listen to/wear etc. My post about this will be on November 10th, so
stay tuned. Now THIS had an interesting impact on my state. I took a whole day, which I had to myself, to totally indulge in ME. And I indulged my Girlie side, which is something I have not done for a very long time. In fact, I insist on telling myself I don’t ‘have’ a Girlie side, because that connotation does not fit with my image of myself. But I am lying! I do have a Girlie side, and boy did it love finally being allowed out! I listened to music of my teenage years (loud!) I painted my nails (rarely seen!), I put on make up for no reason but that I could, I sorted out all my make up stuff (lots got thrown as it was so old, the rest neatened up), and then – I went shopping. Clothes shopping. For fun. Yes, me. Normally I dislike clothes shopping. I am not a natural shopper: I have a low tolerance threshold! But I found I actually enjoyed the process. I put no pressure on myself – financially, or ‘I’ve got to find this or that’, I just went looking, tried on a few things, ambled around… and you know what? I actually caught myself in a kin-like meditative state! Taking pressure off, just wandering around looking… my Mind had stopped thinking, it was concentrating on looking at clothes and – no thoughts. Not ‘no thoughts’ in a vacant negative way, but in a very good not thinking about rubbish way! And it WAS just like a meditation. Well who would’ve thought? Certainly not me! I actually came back with stuff I liked AND having not gone crazy and just bought stuff for the sake of it, I was actually very restrained.
This day of pure self-indulgence did me the world of good. It completely knocked my irritability off, out, and into space. I think the retrograde challenge had a lot to do this (thank you Linda! 🙂 ) And I promise I will expand on this on Nov 10th.
But also – taking yourself out of your normal zone – doing something different, no matter how small, can make a real change in you – shifting your emotions because you are not acting in pattern, and thus, your Mind and emotions cannot react in a learnt responsive way. Being self-indulgent every so often is not selfish: It’s healthy and it is NEEDED – by YOU, and by your nearest & dearest – after all, if you are not at your best, then you cannot help them the best way you potentially could, can you?!
So, the lesson learnt: Every day normal activities can have a Spiritual meaning and effect. Hmm, interesting, and noted!
- Reiki: The Quick Fix Challenge (natky927.wordpress.com)
- Healing Circle 10/23/13 (ancientwisdomforamodernworld.wordpress.com)
- Love Your Irritations (dishanrajapaksha.wordpress.com)
- A Personal Healing Programme (completehealthcircle.com)
I thought today that I would share with you some random thoughts of mine. Something slightly different, but I hope no less enjoyable.
JUST FOR YOU
As I was trawling about the city the other day, going into the Mall & seeing everyone strolling past with their multiple little purchase-bags, and the shops with their not so subtle signs of ‘% off’ and ‘ONLY £’, and all the bright displays of all the choices of things to buy, a thought struck me:
This consumption, this need to buy new shiny things, this short-lived euphoria we get when we buy something new… is at least partially a psychological conditioning that says ‘I’m not good enough unless I have THIS shiny thing/THE LATEST in that…’ Buying what we NEED is different, but buying because it’s THERE and we are told ‘LOOK! LOOK AT ME! Aren’t I shiny and you want me and need me…?’ We give in to this desire and we feel better just for having something NEW… which soon becomes old, and doesn’t look so good just a few days or weeks on.
WELL WHAT IF – What if I had enough money to set up a shop… I would call it
JUST FOR YOU!
And you would be welcome to come in, relax in one of our comfy chairs, take the weight off your feet, and have a chat with one of our friendly, empathetic, Here-For-You staff, whose sole purpose will be to see to your comfort & to chat with you if you like. To be a listening ear, or a teller of jokes; to compliment you & do what they can to ensure your self-esteem is nice and strong. Not to flatter; but genuinely and honestly.
Or you can take a seat in our side or back room, with the low lighting and the gentle music, to meditate, or think or watch the projector screen gently flowing through a series of pictures of wild and wonderful nature.
Maybe we could offer you a mini-foot massage, shoulder massage, or even a book of inspiring or thoughtful quotes, or of poetry. And we would offer you a coffee, tea or soft drink during your visit.
In short, a SELF-ESTEEM shop! And maybe there would be a flat fee for every visitor, nothing too steep, say £4/5 per visit, so that it doesn’t discount anyone who doesn’t have much money, but the fee will help to keep the shop going – and also prevent people who may want to abuse the service. And hopefully people would leave knowing just how great they are, by themselves, being themselves.
So… what do you think? Would you visit my little shop JUST FOR YOU!?
I LOVE these pictures my partner took the other day on our walk to the park. Nature’s shades of green!
Lately I’ve begun to see – no, sense – the colour Turquoise during my Meditations and Inner works. It has become so frequent, that I looked it up… and here is what I found:
SPIRITUAL BODY MEANING
Serenity. Peacefulness. Humanitarian independence. The green in turquoise grounds psychic seeing in the heart, and then clear seeing (blue) can result. Responsibility for oneself, as in learning. The turquoise teaches the heart the right direction. The love and beauty in green expressing through the power of blue to create the new transcendental heartcalled Ananda Khanda.
MENTAL BODY MEANING
To trust intuition. Extremely adaptive and efficient. Utopian outlook. Idealism. Teaching through mass communication and foreign languages. Talents for technical things. Attitude of self reliance.
EMOTIONAL BODY MEANING
Intuition having to do with feeling and knowingness. All the emotional domain, and its “expression” (the emotions themselves are in yellow and orange). Sympathy and empathy. Optimism. Childlike in the positive sense of the word. When imbalanced: Technophobia (fear of handling electronic apparatus) versus a talent for it.
Source at the bottom of the page.
Love, healing, generosity, emotion, feeling , the unconscious , intuition, individual responsibility .creativity , communication, self reliance , independence.
This color has more to do with feeling and creative expression than with rational thought. These colors between green and blue the shades of turquoise, blue green and or aqua relate to transformation, evolution, change, sharing, waves, metamorphosis, transmutation, the inner teacher, and the spiritual heart or Thymus Chakra, a transpersonal chakra on the hara line (deeper aura level ) about midway between the heart and the throat. This is a chakra which connects us with energies of spiritual love and mystical communion and the Divine or God concept (however you name it ) as teacher and as Sacred Lover and beloved. These are shades that admit us to varied realms of the trans-dimensional, meaning existence beyond time and space.
Source at bottom of the page
Well, I think that was it, all that I wanted to share with you. I hope you enjoyed these little random snippets, and your thoughts, comments & questions are most welcome.