Category Archives: Other interesting things

Many Plans, Time to Retreat

Firstly, I wish to say a HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of my American friends. I hope you are all having a wonderful celebration.

Hibernation

Winter is always a strange time for me. I hate the cold, with a passion. Neometheus says I must have been a lizard type creature in another life, because I ‘recharge’ with the sun! Winter makes me sad, tired, and I feel like I just want to hibernate – I really would given half a chance! Apart from the ‘S.A.D.’ diagnosis that many will attribute this to, there is actually a very good reason for the way I feel.

Let me explain something first: I am not Pagan because I chose that as my religion/faith/Spiritual Path/whatever you want to call it. I am Pagan because it is the way I FEEL, deep down inside. I was ‘Pagan’ before I knew that word, the term, the meaning. As a young teenager I always felt on the outside of things, different even from my friends, for a number of reasons. I remember on the walk to school ambling along the roads and looking at the leaves, the trees, the sky, the earth, and really appreciating them, feeling them. Then I came across the word ‘Pagan’ and its meaning, and I thought ‘So THIS is what I am!’ And thus my Path was determined. Paganism fits me like my skin, it is what I am INSIDE, heart and soul.

So – what does this have to do with Winter? Well I, and probably most pagans, are very in tune with the changes and shifts of the Seasons. The weather, celebrations, turning of the Seasons have an impact on me mentally and internally. Here is a simplified explanation:

SPRING – Start of growth, beginning to set up plans, gently awakening, welcoming the return of the Sun and natural life.

SUMMER – very active, plans into full swing, inspiration, ideas and doing, action, happiness, bouncing around, life blooming, sun at its peak giving maximum Vitamin D and thus energy to all life (including us).

AUTUMN – Experience from all the plans, reaping the harvest that has been sown, enjoying the fruits of the labour of Summer, beginning to gently slow down, thinking time, gratitude, satisfaction.

WINTER – Slow down, retraction, retreat as the Sun wanes and natural life withdraws/hibernates, plans stop, energy reserved, reflection, going inwards, contemplation.

This is the cycle of the Seasons – and of me. Obviously it comes and goes, I’m not ALWAYS ‘bouncy’ all of Summer and not ALWAYS bleak during Winter… but I have noticed a pattern over the years that runs parallel with that of the seasons. And I think many people also feel this, even if they are not consciously aware of it. The ‘S.A.D’ (Seasonal Affected Disorder) is not counter to this, but rather I think a scientific explanation of the same thing. We are all part of Nature, no matter how far removed we may think we are, and Nature naturally retreats in Winter, storing and reserving her energy until Spring begins to bring her bounty once again.

Internally, I feel I have already retreated this Winter: I am doing as much as I need/want to and no more. In a way I have been ‘Letting Go’, of that which is not needed – doing extra things for others, wasting energy worrying or stressing, attempting to please others. Now this may sound selfish, but actually it is not – we need to draw our own boundaries, learn when we need to say ‘no’ and when we need our energy for ourselves. And also in so doing, if we often do things for others, then sometimes letting go of this helps them – it helps them to learn to do their own thing without dependency, to draw THEIR own boundaries, and that you may not always be at the beck and call to help. This can be liberating. For me, it is necessary. My energy is currently very low and I need to preserve it for that which is important, needed, required.

Do not misunderstand me: I’m not NOT doing anything else for anyone, at all, all Winter – I am doing what I feel I can/should/want to do for others. But within limits: basically I ask myself the questions ‘Can I do this? Should I do this? Do I want to do this?’ If the internal answer is ‘Yes’, then I do it. But if I want to spend some time in the evening to please myself, then I will do that, rather than running around after others, or worrying about future tasks. I suppose from the outside view, it is a subtle change. From an internal view, it is a big change.

Plans and activities are still there though, my passion may be muted but it is still there – I am like the banked fire: my coals are still glowing, and will continue to, slow but ever-ready, instead of the Fire’s (Summer’s) high, wild hot leaping flames. Last weekend, I attended my first Mind Body Spirit Fair, offering Reiki. Neometheus accompanied me, for company and moral support, and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was not very busy unfortunately, but I see that as a lesson in ‘The Universe Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle’: Publicly I can be quite shy. One to one and small social groups I am fine, but public scenarios I still have to learn confidence, and ‘putting myself out there’ as a stall holder in an open event falls under that category for me. However, I enjoyed doing it, and I met some wonderful people, other stall holders, and seeing what everyone had to offer. I was very nearly tempted with a past life regression – but the cost of it just overcame my curiosity! However, I did buy some beautiful Selenite Pillars, which are now proudly sitting on my mantelpiece/altar.

Me at the Mind Body Spirit Fair
Me at the Mind Body Spirit Fair

Selenite Pillars

One thing that was not at the fair was Rune Readings. I have a set of Runes and love them, I find their readings to be deep, many layered, sometimes – most times – profound, and sometimes quite blunt, and always extremely accurate. A lady at the fair who advertised herself as a ‘Seer’ obliquely mentioned me reading the tarot/cards. I didn’t have my tarot there, she picked this out of the ether. Now I have never charged for readings, I’ve never done it publicly – I have only read for friends and friends of friends, when asked. Never for a charge, because somehow, it has never seemed right to me. Neometheus mentioned the Runes in idle discussion, and it has sat with me – until I decided to offer this as a celebration giveaway on my Facebook page Reiki Rise & Shine. This has had a huge response, which was a pleasant surprise for me. So now I’m thinking, if things goes well, if the Readings work as well for others as they do for me, this can be another aspect I can bring to the next Fair that I attend.

Plans: I am planning already for next year – how to expand my business, attending as many Fairs/appropriate events as I can, offering the Rune Readings… and possibly more. Though I am quiet business wise at the moment – no surprise with Christmas around the corner – I have the whole of next year ahead of me, and now is the perfect time for planning, thinking, and learning. So I am quietly excited about having this time in which I can reflect, think, draft plans, and learn and explore the depths of myself, my abilities, and take time to develop and learn further – Spiritually, Shamanically, with the Runes, and so on and so forth.

So, although I hate cold, dark Winter, and would rather have the Sun and warmth and energy, Winter brings us much needed rest (if we heed Her wisdom!) and time for contemplation and reflection. I may be quiet and withdrawn, but I am also excited, and ready to develop and learn for next year.

A Blessed Winter to you – unless you are in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, I hope you enjoy your Summer!

Blessings be,

Heidi

A Catalogue of Strange Experiences

This post is one that I have intended to write for some time, detailing some unique and strange experiences in my life, that I have never quite been able to explain. I have put this into sub-headings, so please feel free to browse and skip and read only what seems interesting to you! First however, a new experience from today….

HummingbirdAnimalTotemHummingbirdMeaning

Chakras and Totem Associations

I have recently begun to see particular images, or ‘Totems’ at chakra points as I do self-reiki. The first I saw was at my throat chakra, and was a Koi carp, which symbolises good fortune, prosperity, and also the Yin-Yang symbol (apparently the yin-yang is said to be actually be made up of two Koi, male and female, in balance). The second image came to me at the Crown and 3rd Eye chakra, and was the Copper Beech tree. This represents learning, knowledge, crossing barriers, communicating knowledge – very apt, for the chakra points. I knew nothing of the meaning of this tree – I didn’t even know what the tree WAS when I saw it, but it was so vivid that I looked it up on the internet and found it, and of course was suitably stunned by the symbolic meaning. And today I saw a Totem at my Heart chakra – a Hummingbird. After the session, I was discussing with my partner, Neometheus, about my use of energy at the moment and how I feel depleted, and some of this depletion is coming from ‘thinking’ too much: thinking of all the jobs that need doing, that I should be doing, the pull in different directions of my energies. Then I looked up Hummingbird – and was, yet again, hit by the synchronicity of Hummingbird meaning: one site says:

Hummingbirds are also a reminder of how we expend our own energy. When hummingbirds show up in our lives, it’s a good time to take a look at ourenergy-stores and resources. hummingbirds warrant an honest look at how we are maintaining our vibrational frequencies. Are we frittering away our energy on needless issues (ie: worry, fear, lack)? Or, are we in a state of well-honed, regulated balance when it comes to our energy and resources?

Hummingbird is very much linked to the Heart – it is about Lightness, fun, joy, clearing negativity. I am enjoying this chakra/totem association, discovering the many-layered aspects interwoven in the meanings, what they mean to me and how to use them wisely, knowingly, understanding the meaning and pattern developing in my life.

Death dreams

I know this sounds morbid, but it is true. In a 7 year period from age 15/16 to some time in my early 20’s, I had 3 death dreams. They were so realistic I could FEEL my death for days afterwards. I remembered the dreams, the experience of dying, the fear, that these feelings are still with me today, 10+ years later.

White flower on black

Dream 1: Sarajevo war. I have no idea why, I was quite a young child during the time of that war and this dream was years later. I was sitting in a cafe filled with people, when soldiers came in and started firing automatics. I remember ending up on a heaped pile of dead bodies, me still alive, playing dead and hoping against hope the soldiers would leave… but they didn’t, they fired into the bodies, the bullet hit me… life bled, faded from me, I felt life leave me, turn to black… I felt that bullet. I felt death come for me. It was real. And it scared the hell out of me.

Dream 2: English-German council of peace after the war. Both armies sitting at a table discussing moving forward in peace. I was at the head of the table, the diplomat, the ‘neutral’ or aligned party, on both sides and neither side. A soldier burst in through the door, yelling, aimed his gun – at me. Again, the bullet hit. Again, I felt the disorientation, the draining of life, knowing I was dying, seeing only blackness… felt death begin.

Dream 3: I found myself walking down a corridor… and knew it was towards the electric chair. I was walking to my own execution. Panic gripped me: I had to escape. I ran into the bathroom, breathing hard, looked at the window, the walls… no escape. Nowhere to run. I was really going to my execution, there was no denying it, no choice. This was it. I had 5 minutes of life, and then – death. This time the dream ended there, not actually at my death. But the panic, the knowing of death to come… when I awoke, that panic was still with me.

I still, to this day have no idea why I had these dreams. There was no obvious trauma in my life at those times – I remember questioning the dreams at the time. Some subconscious forces were obviously at work, but I never did uncover them. On the same sort of theme, I have several times woken from dreams and found myself actually crying. This has not happened for some time, but again, some strong subconcious actions happening to induce such a physical reaction, and again, not something I ever discovered the ‘why’ of.

Abundant Spiritual Connection

At the age of around 14/15, I was walking in my local town, on a normal day, in a normal way. Suddenly, noticing the people around me, walking, talking, being normal, I felt this amazing connection with them all – suddenly I could not understand how they could just walk past me and disappear from my life, as if they did not exist. To every person I felt this spiritual connection, and had an almost panic-reaction to their coming-and-going in a blink of an eye, that they did not acknowledge this connection with each other. spirit connect The feeling lasted for seconds, literally, but was so profound, it has stayed with me to this day. I have never been able to reconnect with this feeling/understanding, and I don’t know why it happened that day. It was totally out of the blue, came from nowhere, and disappeared again. Leaving me with just a glimpse of absolute, total, inter-connectedness.

Beside myself, quite literally

I have saved the weirdest, the strangest, the most unique experience in my life until last. There are very few people who know this tale, and of those I have spoken to, I have not yet come across anyone who has experienced anything like this. Comments, suggestions and thoughts particularly on this will be very welcome indeed.

Beside myself

Again, this started at the age of about 15 (In writing this post, I am beginning to see a strange pattern!) And again it stopped sometime in my early/mid-twenties. It always happened when a) I was alone, & b) when I looked in a mirror… something ‘shifted’ inside me, and I was no longer quite myself. I felt myself to be, literally, ‘beside’ myself, overlapping my body side-wise; half in my body and half to the side of it. I looked in the mirror and knew it was me, but also felt like a stranger. I became uncomfortably conscious: super-aware of myself, of every action, that it was extremely unsettling. Simple actions, such as brushing my hair, picking up items… felt like someone else was in control, was doing it, with me kind of watching. Yet it felt like ‘me’, it felt like a stronger, wiser, better me, somehow. Me, but a different me who was in control of my body, whilst Me me watched, terrified, wanting to be back to just being me. This sensation could last anything from 15/20 mins up to maybe an hour or so. It really did terrify me because it was such a strange feeling, and I had no idea how or why it was happening. It didn’t happen on a regular basis, but often enough that it was more than a handful of times over that period.

I don’t know why it started. I don’t know why it stopped. And I sure don’t know what the hell it was! I have never been able to find an answer to this.

And Finally, back to dreams…

Last night I had a dream about my right hand having to be cut off (I am right-handed). There was nothing wrong with it in the dream, but I knew it had to go. At first I was terrified, I didn’t want it to be amputated (especially with the stanley knife that was the tool in the dream!). But eventually, I surrendered, choosing to accept the fate, and told them to do it now & quickly. Then it no longer needed to be cut off… as if in the surrender, I had ‘fixed’ the problem, or maybe passed a test. I had a similar dream some months ago about my forearm or perhaps whole arm, accept I had 2 chances in that one, the first I chose to allow my arm to be cut off, which then regrew, the 2nd time I chose to keep my arm and not have it cut away. I am not entirely sure of the theme here but there is definitely something deep going on, and I and Neometheus believe it has something to with ‘control’ and ‘letting go’.

If you have stuck with me so far – wow, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this rather strange trip, and please feel free to share your own strange experiences, or to comment on any of the above – any and all thoughts welcome!

Light & Blessings be,

Heidi 

http://www.spiritanimal.info/hummingbird-spirit-animal/

http://mara-gamiel.blogspot.co.uk/2009/09/hummingbird-symbolism.html

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/hummingbird-animal-totem.html

http://feng-shui.lovetoknow.com/What_Do_Koi_Fish_Symbolize

http://www.wikisymbol.com/115/280/sobi2details

http://www.thegoddesstree.com/trees/Beech.htm

A Meeting In Time – Cosmic Retrograde Challenge

Mercury Retrograde 2

Linda at litebeing chronicles invited her followers to take part in her Retrograde challenge: with Mercury in retrograde, she came up with the idea of reintroducing something from the past still in your life – an old cd, item of clothing, jewellry, anything that you have had around for a long time but has been left untouched. The idea was to see how this item from the past now makes you feel and if it engenders any feelings or new associations/experiences.

I thought this was a great idea, though initially I did not think I had anything relevant to partake in this interesting challenge – I tend to throw things out quite ruthlessly. However, as I sat looking at Linda’s article, I turned to my bookshelf… and my eyes fell straight onto the Carlos Castaneda books. Bing! Went the lightbulb in my head… this seemed perfect: given the new spiritual evolution happening with me right now, and the fact that I had been meaning to re-read these books for a while, it all seemed to tie in quite nicely. It has been many years since I read Castaneda, so it would be right for the Retrograde challenge.

However, rather conincidentally, I had, just the day or so before I read Linda’s article, picked up another book that I

Look to Windward by Iain M Banks

Look to Windward by Iain M Banks

had not re-read for some years: Iain M BanksLook to Windward. I found that I just could not set this aside in favour of starting Castaneda. I was already enjoying it too much, and there is a particular poignancy with this book which fits nicely itself with this challenge: Iain M Banks passed away earlier this year. He is the ONLY ‘celebrity’ – sorry, ‘famous person would be a better description – that genuinely made me very very sad when I heard that he had died. Banks is in my top 5 authors, I truly believe he was a Master of his Art. No-one can write like him, and the loss of such a genius touched me to the core. I have not read any of his books since his passing – until now.

I remember that the first time I read this book, I actually cried at the end, I found it so poignant. There are only 4 books I have ever read – and I am an avid reader – that have made me cry, they were that good. So I continued to read Look to Windward. I remembered nothing of the plot line from the first reading, so it was, in a sense, like the first reading. Now, I don’t know if it was the knowledge that Banks is no longer with us, or just his superb writing, but I did not just read this book: I savoured it; I thrilled in it, I took every line, every paragraph into my heart. In terms of writing style, plot, imagination, emotional depth – this book is… dare I say it?… perfect! The complexity, the depth, the scope of the mind to write such a thing… and there are some truly profound lines within the story as well, that touched me deeply. I am so pleased to have read this book, at this time. I didn’t cry again at the end, but I FELT the story, the concept, the message. And that depth of feeling was exactly what I needed in my life. I cannot explain why; it was just something left me with a kind of happy whimsy.

Thinking of the challenge also guided me to start wearing my Nan’s ring. Now, I don’t know why there is this pattern, but my Nan is also an entity who is no longer living. She passed away in 2008, and it was particularly poignant as I was pregnant with my first child – what would have been her first grand-child. She never knew I was pregnant as she had been very ill for a long time. My Nan had given me her ring a few years before this, insisting that I have it. It was her engagement ring, from her husband oh-so-long ago. Yet another poignant point: her husband died when my mum was 2. So this ring my Nan had carried for many years in memory of her long dead husband, and had chosen to give it to me.

Nan's engagement ring

Nan’s engagement ring

Normally I keep the ring in my jewellry box for fear of losing it, but I chose to wear it now, in light of this challenge. And this is what I learned: I am not sentimental about things. I love the ring for what it represents – but my Nan is in my heart… wearing the ring did not engender any special feelings in me, it is, to all intents and purposes, just a ring. I wore it for a few days and was actually quite surprised by the lack of feeling – but it just showed me what I already knew (I think) – that my feelings come from my heart, from within, and not in regards to physical items.

During all this, I was also going through a high-irritation phase that I just could not shake off for days. Finally, when I had a day completely to myself, I did something I have not done for a long time, and indulged in myself for the sake of it. I brought out my girlie side by painting my nails and putting make-up on just because, and I played some cds, very loud. These are cds that I have not played for a long time, mainly because they are ‘adult content’ and the kids are usually around, but also because I tend to think my music tastes have changed. Do I tell you? Ok, rap music. Yes, me, rap. This goes back to my teenage days and into my early 20s. So, for the first time in several years, on goes Eminem’s 8 Mile (from the film), up goes the volume…. and lo and behold, an hour or two later, I am feeling really, really good. My irritation has gone completely. In allowing myself to indulge whole-heartedly in things that I generally tend to categorise as ‘Not Me/No Longer Me’, I released an expectation of myself… I shifted the habit-patterns… and thus made room for new responses, which was healthy and definitely needed!

So… book; ring; cds… what has this Retrograde challenge meant for me? Well, bringing old things back into my life didn’t engender feelings of sentimentality, melancholy, past memories… but I did enjoy revisiting some of these old things (whilst learning that I really am NOT sentimental!) and sometimes, it really is good to drag things out of the ‘Past’ cupboard, and give yourself an old/new space, because you just never know what the experience will bring to your life!

Tomorrow’s post on the Retrograde Challenge is by Shree at The Heartsong Blog. Please visit her to see what this experience has brought to her, and if you want to catch up from the start, you can visit Julianne’s Blog here. Linda’s Blog here shows the full schedule.

So a big Thank You for Linda for inspiring and encouraging this experiment… and maybe soon I WILL get around to reading those Castaneda books!

Blessings be

Heidi.    

Touched by Pashupati

For some time I have been researching the winding historical trail of the Horned God. This journey has led to many deep and fascinating insights, not the least of which is the identification of the Western Horned God with his Hindu equivalent Lord Shiva. The Harrapan or Indus Valley Civilisation lived along the banks of the Indus river in modern Afghanistan, Pakistan and India between 3300 BC and 1300 BC. Along with ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia this was one of the most advanced societies in world at that time. The Indus script used by these people is still undeciphered, as such their beliefs can only be inferred from archaeological remains. A number of seals have been discovered one of which depicts a horned figure surrounded by animals, the figure possibly has three faces and is seated in what appears to be a yoga pose. There is debate among academics regarding who or what this seal depicts however one interpretation is that the figure is a representation of the god Pashupati. Lord Pashupati or Pashupatinath is an incarnation of Lord Shiva and His name means ‘Protector of Animals’, He is revered by Hindus and is unofficially the patron deity of Nepal. Lord Shiva is an important God to me personally since I believe him to be the origin and source of Reiki as well as the originator of Yoga and the patron God of the arts and sciences.

Lord Shiva

Lord Shiva

This is not to mention His metaphysical role within the Trimurti as ‘the transformer and destroyer’, followers of Lord Shiva (Shaivites) believe Him to be the Supreme God or Mahadeva. Lord Shiva is generally acknowledged to be the oldest of the Hindu pantheon, in His earliest forms He was worshipped in his horned form as Pashupati. I have come to believe that the Horned God and Pashupati are one and the same entity. I have a number of reasons for this conclusion which I am not going to cover at this time. However these pictures demonstrate at least the iconographic similarities between Cernunnos (a European Horned god) and the Indus Valley Pashupati.

Depiction of Cernunnos on the Gundestrup Cauldron c200BC -300AD

Depiction of Cernunnos on the Gundestrup Cauldron, Denmark c200BC -300AD

Pashupati Seal from Mohenjodaro, Pakistan. c2500BC-2400BC

Pashupati Seal from Mohenjodaro, Pakistan. c2500BC-2400BC

Recently I have attempted to call upon Pashupati/Horned Shiva during Reiki healings. My reason being that if the Horned Shiva is both the source of Reiki and my primary deity He may lend me aid. The first time I attempted this was when healing myself, I was amazed to feel a slow welling surge of energy. It is difficult to describe the difference between this energy and the usual Reiki energy, whilst Reiki often comes on instantly like a light switch and usually heals over a relatively small area, this Shiva Reiki wells up more slowly but seems to spread further and feels more ‘expansive’ for want of a better word. I soon had permission to try this energy out on Heidi during a healing, she found the experience to be very similar – a great up-welling of energy filling her head with tremendous heat. Despite the volume of energy that is channelled it seems to be just as gentle as a normal Reiki healing. I injured my back at work the following week and asked Heidi to do a healing for me, knowing my affinity for the Horned Shiva she too called upon His aid and was granted it, she described the ‘feel’ of the energy in the same manner as I had experienced it. It is interesting to find that this energy has been lent to both of us, without any kind of initiation or attunement. I would be very much interested to know if this energy is available to adherents of Lord Shiva or the Horned God who are not Reiki attuned, or even to anyone who asks.

These experiences were nothing compared to what was to come. Heidi carried out a distance healing in which she was attacked by an unfriendly entity. Between her, the angels and her spirit guardians she managed to defended herself and the person she was healing and rebuffed the attack. The entity that attacked her was trying to place hooks into her aura, and although these were stopped Heidi asked me to perform a healing on her to make sure none had reached her. When I did this I scanned her aura and found a very small hook had reached into the fringe of her aura. When attempting this sort of healing I make sure to call upon my animal guardians, the Reiki guides and angels for protection and guidance. In this instance I called also upon the aid of the Horned Shiva and asked Him to lend me His strength. After finding the hook and cleansing Heidi’s aura I was guided to grasp the hook and use it like a fishing line to draw in towards me the entity it belongs to. This sounds risky but I have learned to trust such guidance, I started to wind the hook (which appeared to me like a dark filament) around my arm with great speed, which dragged the entity towards me. As the being got close what I can only describe as a great warm wind of energy rose behind me, it felt much like the Shiva healing energy, steady and powerful but gentle. The wind passed around me and pushed against the creature who I was still holding. I was guided to release the filament I had been holding and it snapped back to the creature, the wind of energy then blew the creature into the distance, it seemed like a great space was placed between myself and the entity and it disappeared into the distance, following that a barrier of energy was placed preventing the entity from getting near us again. This whole process took no more than a about twenty seconds, though in retrospect it feels much longer. I knew instinctively that the Horned Shiva had been responsible for the creatures’ ensnarement and banishment, so I gave my thanks and returned my attention to cleansing Heidi’s aura. When I felt the cleansing was complete I again thanked Lord Shiva for his assistance and asked if there was anything we could do to defend against such attacks in the future. To my astonishment I was given a golden trident or trishula which seemed to crackle with some kind of energy, I knew this was the main symbol of Lord Shiva, I instinctively knew that this could be used as both a healing tool and weapon, and that it is an extension of Lord Shiva Himself, I was also given another object, which I could not identify.  It looked like a rounded golden barbell that was to be held in the middle, it was channelled that the object could be used like a shield to absorb energy and also to emit powerful bursts of energy when shaken or twisted. Needless to say I was stunned, and shocked, this is the most dramatic and bizarre healing experience I have ever had. After the healing I explained what had happened to Heidi, but I had difficulty believing it, it was so fantastical. Later on that evening I was reading about Lord Shiva, still in a kind of shocked disbelief after what had happened when I saw a picture of Lord Shiva’s drum, the Damaru, I recognised it immediately, it was the other object I had been given. I read in fascination that the Damaru is a kind of double headed drum, common in India which is sacred to Hindus and Buddhists. Apparently the instrument is known as a power drum and is believed to generate spiritual energy when played, its sounds where used as the basis of the Sanskrit language and it is used by Lord Shiva in the Cosmic Dance. Needless to say I was in awe, this is was a confirmation that what had occurred during the healing was not a figment of my imagination. I have not yet had the opportunity to use these gifts during a healing, but I await the opportunity with anticipation.

Damaru Drum

Damaru Drum

Golden Trishula and Damaru drum, the divine tools of Lord Shiva

Golden Trishula and Damaru drum, the divine tools of Lord Shiva

If before this experience I was drawn to amazing similarities in iconography and function between the Horned God and Pashupati, now I am mesmerised and humbled. This will be a new focus in my ongoing spiritual journey.

Thank you for reading and blessings be,

Neometheus )O(

Challenges And Lessons

What a week or two this has been! Intense emotions and thoughts, reconnecting the past with the present, and bringing new things into my life too!

Raphael with Caduceus

Raphael with Caduceus

 

A short while ago, I began to feel really irritable, for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a moment of irritation – this was a full-blown continuing-for-days irritation, and it was aimed at everything. Myself, the family, the inane conversations of passing strangers, manners – or lack-of – of strangers, t.v. Adverts, inane t.v. Programmes… everything. Where did it come from? Why did it suddenly appear? I thought I’d solved this problem when I quit my job and started my Reiki practice!

I came up with several possibilities for this sudden irritation:

The meds are still having an effect on my system, despite having taken myself off them 6/8 weeks ago – I just stopped taking them because, quite frankly, I didn’t want them anymore – but I didn’t realise that you are not supposed to ‘just come off’ them, you are supposed to gradually increase the dose. This sort of action is typical me, really – all or nothing, stubbornness in doing what I want because I think it’s the best way!

Given my forays further into the Spiritual world, it could be a ‘test’ from that world. I won’t say ‘attack’ – not this time – because it didn’t feel like that. But it could have been a test – how do I cope with my own feelings, emotons? Am I balanced enough to do this work? Can I bring myself back into balance?

Two people very dear to me suggested it could be the negative energies from all the healings I have been doing. Now, Reiki has an in-built fail-safe system that rebuffs any negative energy back to the universe – however it isn’t just Reiki that I have been doing, so this is also a possibility.

The Shamanic world is showing me that I have an issue with internal anger that I need to look at closely. I’m not an angry person, do not mistake me – but that, in its way, is the problem: I have never learnt how to effectively express my anger: I tend to hide it away, keep it bottled inside, until -pop! Just like the fizzy drink bottle analogy. This possibility is one I intend to delve into and discover whether, indeed, I have an issue that I need to explore about myself.

The problem with treading a solitary path is balancing everyday normal reality with the spiritual. There could be an everyday reason for my irritability, and I should not – no-one should ever – ignore this in favour of some more ethereal and esoteric reason for goings-on. But just as important is that I should and need to take into account that it COULD well be a Shamanic/Spiritual experience trying to tell me something. Both are equally important and deserve due attention, because I live and walk in both worlds and attract energies from both worlds. But, I have to work out which world these signs, these energies, these dis-eases come from. How can I move forward and develop if I don’t have an answer? If I just shrug it off as ‘something that happened’, then it could happen again, because I haven’t taken steps to resolve the source of the issue.

In the midst of all this I accepted Litebeing Chronicles ‘retrograde Challenge‘. To reconnect with something old that used to be loved, that you no longer use/read/listen to/wear etc. My post about this will be on November 10th, so

Mercury and Time

Mercury and Time

stay tuned. Now THIS had an interesting impact on my state. I took a whole day, which I had to myself, to totally indulge in ME. And I indulged my Girlie side, which is something I have not done for a very long time. In fact, I insist on telling myself I don’t ‘have’ a Girlie side, because that connotation does not fit with my image of myself. But I am lying! I do have a Girlie side, and boy did it love finally being allowed out! I listened to music of my teenage years (loud!) I painted my nails (rarely seen!), I put on make up for no reason but that I could, I sorted out all my make up stuff (lots got thrown as it was so old, the rest neatened up), and then – I went shopping. Clothes shopping. For fun. Yes, me. Normally I dislike clothes shopping. I am not a natural shopper: I have a low tolerance threshold! But I found I actually enjoyed the process. I put no pressure on myself – financially, or ‘I’ve got to find this or that’, I just went looking, tried on a few things, ambled around… and you know what? I actually caught myself in a kin-like meditative state! Taking pressure off, just wandering around looking… my Mind had stopped thinking, it was concentrating on looking at clothes and – no thoughts. Not ‘no thoughts’ in a vacant negative way, but in a very good not thinking about rubbish way! And it WAS just like a meditation. Well who would’ve thought? Certainly not me! I actually came back with stuff I liked AND having not gone crazy and just bought stuff for the sake of it, I was actually very restrained.

This day of pure self-indulgence did me the world of good. It completely knocked my irritability off, out, and into space. I think the retrograde challenge had a lot to do this (thank you Linda! 🙂 ) And I promise I will expand on this on Nov 10th.

But also – taking yourself out of your normal zone – doing something different, no matter how small, can make a real change in you – shifting your emotions because you are not acting in pattern, and thus, your Mind and emotions cannot react in a learnt responsive way. Being self-indulgent every so often is not selfish: It’s healthy and it is NEEDED – by YOU, and by your nearest & dearest – after all, if you are not at your best, then you cannot help them the best way you potentially could, can you?!

So, the lesson learnt: Every day normal activities can have a Spiritual meaning and effect. Hmm, interesting, and noted!

Blessings be

Reiki Heidi 

A few random thoughts

I thought today that I would share with you some random thoughts of mine. Something slightly different, but I hope no less enjoyable.

JUST FOR YOU

As I was trawling about the city the other day, going into the Mall & seeing everyone strolling past with their multiple little purchase-bags, and the shops with their not so subtle signs of ‘% off’ and ‘ONLY £’, and all the bright displays of all the choices of things to buy, a thought struck me: 

Norwich Castle Mall

Norwich Castle Mall

This consumption, this need to buy new shiny things, this short-lived euphoria we get when we buy something new… is at least partially a psychological conditioning that says ‘I’m not good enough unless I have THIS shiny thing/THE LATEST in that…’ Buying what we NEED is different, but buying because it’s THERE and we are told ‘LOOK! LOOK AT ME! Aren’t I shiny and you want me and need me…?’ We give in to this desire and we feel better just for having something NEW… which soon becomes old, and doesn’t look so good just a few days or weeks on.

WELL WHAT IF – What if I had enough money to set up a shop… I would call it

JUST FOR YOU! 

Just For You ...

Just For You … (Photo credit: joselito.jb33)

 

And you would be welcome to come in, relax in one of our comfy chairs, take the weight off your feet, and have a chat with one of our friendly, empathetic, Here-For-You staff, whose sole purpose will be to see to your comfort & to chat with you if you like. To be a listening ear, or a teller of jokes; to compliment you & do what they can to ensure your self-esteem is nice and strong. Not to flatter; but genuinely and honestly.

Or you can take a seat in our side or back room, with the low lighting and the gentle music, to meditate, or think or watch the projector screen gently flowing through a series of pictures of wild and wonderful nature.

Maybe we could offer you a mini-foot massage, shoulder massage, or even a book of inspiring or thoughtful quotes, or of poetry. And we would offer you a coffee, tea or soft drink during your visit.

 

In short, a SELF-ESTEEM shop! And maybe there would be a flat fee for every visitor, nothing too steep, say £4/5 per visit, so that it doesn’t discount anyone who doesn’t have much money, but the fee will help to keep the shop going – and also prevent people who may want to abuse the service. And hopefully people would leave knowing just how great they are, by themselves, being themselves.

So… what do you think? Would you visit my little shop JUST FOR YOU!?

ENDLESS GREEN

I LOVE these pictures my partner took the other day on our walk to the park. Nature’s shades of green! 

A Park in Green

Wensum Park, Norwich

The Meeting of earth-green and water-green

The Meeting of earth-green and water-green

TURQUOISE

Turquoise

Turquoise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lately I’ve begun to see – no, sense – the colour Turquoise during my Meditations and Inner works. It has become so frequent, that I looked it up… and here is what I found:

SPIRITUAL BODY MEANING
Serenity
PeacefulnessHumanitarian independence. The green in turquoise grounds psychic seeing in the heart, and then clear seeing (blue) can result. Responsibility for oneself, as in learning. The turquoise teaches the heart the right direction. The love and beauty in green expressing through the power of blue to create the new transcendental heartcalled Ananda Khanda.

MENTAL BODY MEANING
To trust intuition. Extremely adaptive and efficientUtopian outlookIdealismTeaching through mass communication and foreign languages. Talents for technical things. Attitude of self reliance.

EMOTIONAL BODY MEANING
Intuition
 having to do with feeling and knowingness. All the emotional domain, and its “expression” (the emotions themselves are in yellow and orange). Sympathy and empathyOptimismChildlike in the positive sense of the word. When imbalanced: Technophobia (fear of handling electronic apparatus) versus a talent for it.

Source at the bottom of the page.

Turquoise Lotus

Turquoise Lotus (Photo credit: downing.amanda)

Love, healing, generosity, emotion, feeling , the unconscious , intuition, individual responsibility .creativity , communication, self reliance , independence.
This color has more to do with feeling and creative expression than with rational thought.
  These  colors between  green and  blue  the shades of  turquoise, blue green and or aqua  relate to transformation,  evolution, change, sharing, waves,  metamorphosis,  transmutation, the inner teacher, and the spiritual heart or Thymus Chakra, a transpersonal chakra on the hara line (deeper aura level ) about midway between the heart and the throat. This is a chakra which connects us with energies of spiritual love and mystical communion and the Divine or God concept (however you name it ) as teacher and as  Sacred Lover and beloved.  These are shades that admit us to varied realms of  the trans-dimensional, meaning existence beyond time and space.

Source at bottom of the page

Well, I think that was it, all that I wanted to share with you. I hope you enjoyed these little random snippets, and your thoughts, comments & questions are most welcome.

Blessings be

Heidi

Sources

http://www.energyandvibration.com/colorturquoise.htm

http://pjentoft.com/Turquoise.html

Astrology & Me

Scorpio Symbol

Scorpio Symbol (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Astrology. This is a subject area that I dabbled in as a teen and in my early twenties, but I never had the attention or the focus to get into the detailed, calculated complexities of the true astrology chart. However it is an area that has always fascinated me and now, thanks to Linda at Litebeing Chronicles, I have my own natal chart and astrology report!

Please visit Linda’s wonderful blog – she is astute, clever, kind and has a beauty seldom seen or felt.

As I say, I having dabbled in the shallows of astrology, I knew my basic signs:

Sun sign: Scorpio                  Rising Sign: Gemini                          Moon Sign: Aries

What does this mean? Trouble is what it means! Seriously though, the way Linda put my chart together, cross-referenced the meanings, and communicated the essence of the traits and the way they interacted to form ‘Me’ – well, let’s just say that I was stunned. For those of you who don’t believe in astrology, I say: wait until you have Linda do your chart – Hah! Then tell me it’s all hogwash!!

My jaw was dropping as I read down the paragraphs… Linda was describing me to a absolute T! In the first 3 paragraphs, the ONLY bit that didn’t fit me was the ‘Geminian wiry build’. Here is an excerpt from the report:

Strong personality, loyal, passionate, emotional, intense, sensitive, devoted to work, service, perfectionistic tendencies, detail -oriented, prone to worry, anxiety if health is not balanced ( Sun in 9 degrees Scorpio in the 6th house)

Needs to be active in life, subconscious need to belong to community, group ,family, tends to act before thinking, needs to be seen, noticed, appreciated for your independence ( Moon in 19 degrees Aries in the 11th house)

May be wiry in build with close – set eyes, likes to communicate, often quickly with frequent hand gestures, makes a first impression of being witty, breezy, friendly, charming Health areas to watch : Lungs, respiratory system, hands ( Ascendant – 20 degrees Gemini)

My partner was in fits of laughter at the  ‘likes to communicate…frequent hand gestures…’ – that was one of the first things he noticed about me when we met!

Linda also says that Healing is integrated deeply in my chart – it is my desire AND my calling. So my new career path, despite the big risk, is quite literally ‘written in the stars’. This is all down to the position of Pallas Athene in my chart, which just sounds super cool to me, AND it’s at my Mid-Heaven point, which apparently is a very important aspect of one’s natal chart. But wait… there’s more…

Linda talks about my bluntness of speech (Linda & I have never met), and this is so true it has impacted on my friend making abilities – not because I’m socially inept, but because I am so honest in speech most people of my age and younger that I have worked and interacted with simply couldn’t ‘get’ me, unsure of what to make of me and this honesty.  My chart also mentions, under ‘emotional challenges’, my tendency to ‘shut down completely in conflict’. This nearly floored me, for it is EXACTLY what my partner has said when we have had ‘discussions’. He doesn’t understand and can’t get through to me… I go ‘cold’. Now, I know I do this, but it is the only way I can react… it’s like an icy anger, cool, flat, devoid. I am trying to heal this and learning, but it’s tough – and Linda yet again was right when she says that this reaction is due to childhood events.

Astrological chart for Heidi

Astrological chart for Heidi

Just a note here to say that I think the key to all this is Linda’s gathering and interpreting of the information – she communicated everything so concisely and accurately, putting all the parts together to make it make sense… and more than sense, a stunning reflection of me & my traits!

What intrigued me most, however, was my ‘Stellium’; ‘Grand Fire Trine’; and ‘Kite’. These sounded so awesome to me and are still intriguing me…

A Stellium is when 3 or more planets are close together, and mine are in the house of work/service, and are the Sun, Mercury and Venus and Uranus. I won’t go into full details, but it basically emphasises my ‘healing career’ further!

Grand Fire Trine: ( Moon, Mars, Neptune in fire signs forming a triangle 120 degrees apart) Linda says about this: The grand fire trine means you flow the best when you operate with inspiration, faith, and idealism. This will serve you in all sectors of your life. That certainly resonates with me, very strongly indeed.

The Kite: Is basically the shape that the chart makes in relation to the planets and aspects involved, helping these particular placements and traits to ‘take flight’. It is a rare astrological configuration so little is written about it. It sounds like a positive and powerful symbol to have in one’s chart though!

So, me, in summary, says Linda:

You are a very talented, passionate,Scorpionic woman with tremendous potential to serve others through teaching, communication, and healing. Being a parent and having time alone will renew you and keep you balanced. You were born to work with energy and to perfect your skills. You adore serving others and will work tirelessly. Take time for intense inner work and self-care to maintain balance and to avoid darkness and unfinished business to thwart or delay your efforts. You are truly coming into your own, yet need to assess your own needs regularly. You may encounter difficult challenges but are gifted with the resources to transform. Remember you do not have to do everything by yourself nor all at once to be in the flow.

This was an amazing experience, and I feel truly blessed that Linda took time out to calculate, understand, interpret and communicate my astrological chart! (And now I have an excuse that my ‘character’ is written in the stars, ha ha!)

So I urge you: If you ever have the chance to have your astro-chart done, go for it! You never know what super-cool stuff you may discover lurking in your stars!

Light & Blessings,

Reiki Heidi

A Leap Of Faith

'Trust' Osho Zen Tarot

‘Trust’ Osho Zen Tarot

‘Trust’ – Osho Zen Tarot Card

To leap off of the face of the cliff, not knowing what lies beneath you, but trusting that you will fly free.

This card exactly sums up my situation, attitude and behaviour right now. I am standing on the edge of the metaphorical cliff and I have taken the decision that very soon I shall jump.

I returned to work two weeks ago after being off sick for a long time. Last week, I came home from work and thought, ‘I can’t do this anymore’. The job, my job, no longer fits in with my life. It is not my Inner Truth, it does not call to my highest self. It is a lie. And I can no longer live that lie. So, very soon, I am handing in my resignation. I have no other job to go to.

I am, however, working hard to get my Reiki business ready. I will go self-employed, as a Reiki healer. My website is almost finished, Business cards, flyers and leaflets are next on the list, with of course in this day and age, a Facebook page and, quite possibly, another blog.

Although I am working hard to start promoting my Reiki healing, I cannot predict how many clients I will get and therefore my level of income. Therefore our financial situation may suffer. Despite this, my partner is 100% behind me, and, strange though it may seem, I have no doubt that things will work out!

Why? Why do I feel so confident? Because this is what I have wanted to do for a long time. Because I have been unhappy in my job for a long time. Because somewhere inside is a Voice, a Knowing, that this is right. And for no other reason at all.

Stagnation is the enemy of the human condition. It leads to unhappiness, misery, stress, negativity and regression. Change, Transformation, Growth are what strengthens a person and infuses the soul. It’s scary and sometimes painful – but that’s because we are making a change that will take us forward into new territory – and who knows what wonders lie on the other side?

If I don’t jump, I’ll never know. I have to jump – and fly.

For my sanity, my curiosity, my Inner truth, I have to take this leap of faith.

Have you ever taken a leap of faith?

Soul Sickness: Misery or Enlightenment?

Phoenix

My continued absence from the blogging world has not been by choice, but necessity. The last few months have been a really rough time for me, but I have come out of it feeling like – and thank you for this metaphor, lindalitebeing! – The Phoenix from the ashes. I am pleased to report that my current outlook on life is optimistic. Full of hope, determination, excitement, and dreams becoming fulfilled.

So let me take you back to the beginning – and explain what I mean about ‘Soul Sickness’.

Have you ever had an event in your life that seemed utterly depressing? Where you felt that you were at the bottom of a well with no ladder? You sit and brood, thinking all is lost, feeling hopeless, useless even, devastated… And then, somehow, after a while, you come out of it – and find a new lease of life. A completely new direction, a wholly new you, and you think, ‘wow! This would never have happened if that horrible event hadn’t happened first.’ This is soul sickness.

What do I mean by that? The Inner you, your soul, knows what you really want – or need. It knows where your life should be going. But the Outer you, the physical you, is happy to pootle along in that boring job, or in that drab relationship, or in that drug or drink induced befuddlement – because this easy and comfortable. Changing, even if we know it is for the best, is HARD. It requires effort. And it’s SCARY. But sometimes, events force our hand. All things happen for a reason. If devastation did not happen to us – we would not have the impetus to make the changes we know we want/need to make. Our Soul takes a hand in life’s events to lead us to where It knows we should be.

Don’t call it Luck. Don’t call it chance. Don’t give the Kudos to other people – thank yourself. YOU made the change, whether you know it or not.

For myself, this is what happened: As you may know if you have read previous posts, I have been battling with ‘low mood syndrome’ for quite some time. I was doing ok, too, refusing to let it beat me, despite the hold it had on me and my life. Then the place where I worked made changed my job without any due care or consideration to personal requirements, needs, feelings or anything else. I – and others – were really angry. I went home and ranted, then, as normal, went to work the next day. Imagine my surprise then, when, on logging in to the system, I had a panic attack. This was the first time in my life I had experienced a panic attack, and it was truly frightening. Again, the managers seemed unsympathetic and again, did not handle it well, until I eventually just told them I was going – walked out of the office.

Thank goodness I have an empathetic, understandable, GP, who saw me the same day and signed me off straightaway. This was at the end of May. I am still off work now. It has taken me until now to recover – and I am still not wholly healed. Since being off work I continued to experience panic attacks, then a continual sense of heightened anxiety. I’ve been constantly tired, sleeping too much, and my concentration has been shot. All this because of a job!

I have done a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing. Throughout my time off, despite all this rubbish going on with me, I have achieved more than I have in the last few years: I’ve completed something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and am awaiting a reply (I don’t want to say any more yet as I don’t want to jinx it!), I’ve applied for new jobs, mainly with charities, AND… I AM NOW SET UP AS A REIKI HEALER! Something I have yearned to do for years, but never felt that ‘the time was right’. I have my insurance, I have a clinic to work from, and Neometheus and I are designing business cards and a website! I am So excited about this, I have more passion in me than I can remember having in a long time. I have a GOAL, a FOCUS, a REASON for Being!

reikihands

And none of this would have happened if things hadn’t gone wrong at work, and if I hadn’t felt so down. The idea of being down and feeling rubbish for the foreseeable future was loathsome to me. I didn’t WANT to feel like that. And I didn’t WANT to keep working where I was – something I knew several years ago, but just never bothered doing anything about.

I am now at the place that I should have been a long time ago. It took a great big push and shove from my Inner Self to get me here. I never had the courage to follow my mind, heart, and soul. And now I do.

Experiencing Soul sickness is miserable and terrifying – but it is a cleansing of the Self, and if you listen to your Self and have the courage to follow your instinct/heart/dreams – then you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and begin to see the world anew.

Wishing you all the courage and strength to follow your life’s path.

Light & Blessings

7:11 Breathing: What it is and how to do it

Today I would like to share with you a new skill that a wonderful lady I met this week has taught me, and it has made such a difference to my thinking and being already, I really think it is worth sharing with as many people as possible.

Have you heard of 7:11 breathing? If you have, do you know what it is? And if you know what it is, do you know what it is actually doing? Well I hope to explain this simply and effectively. Anyone can do it, and the wonder of it is, you can do it anytime, anywhere, and it only takes a few minutes!

Simply put, 7:11 breathing is a way of breathing, and breathing out for longer than you breathe in. Why? Breathing in is the Alert Mode of our body system, and breathing out is the Relaxation Mode of our body system. So when we breathe out longer than we breathe in, we are helping our bodies to relax and calm down. This is particularly helpful if you are feeling stressed, tense, or your mind is so busy that you are beginning to feel wound up because you cannot let go of all those bothersome thoughts.

And here’s another thing: When our body tenses up, through stress or anger, it can take up to 20 minutes for the body to come back to a relaxed state. So if you have ever wondered why you are holding on to angry feelings, or cannot let go of certain thoughts or the stress you are feeling – it’s because you haven’t given your body enough time and space to be able to fully calm down and reset again. This is also a great example of how the body and mind are linked: When we think about things that makes us stressed or angry, or otherwise emotional – what does the body do? Right – it reacts to those thoughts. And you may not even be aware of it at the time, but with these thoughts, the body begins to tense up. Once the body has reacted in this way, it becomes hard to let go (Sound familiar?) 7:11 breathing releases the tension and stress in both the body and the mind, allowing both to relax and come to a ‘reset’ state of total calm. I did this for just a few minutes with the lady who taught it to me, and those few minutes were enough to completely change my body’s reaction, and, even more wonderful – I stopped thinking! My mind was in a state of total relaxation; no worrying or busy thoughts trying to insert themselves into my brain. As I say, a few minutes of doing this can help immensely – if you can find 20 minutes to do this, it will have an even bigger effect.

Buddhist Monk

Ready to try? Okay here we go then: sit, lie or stand comfortably, whatever feels natural to you. Make sure you are in a relaxed position. Breathe normally to start with, just be aware of your breathing. After a few breaths, pause slightly at the end of your out breath, and then as you breathe in, breathe up from your stomach, all the way up… (known as diaphragmic breathing), feel your chest swelling with your breath, as much as you can comfortably. Try and count how long you are breathing in for. Now, breathe out and count, try to breathe out for longer than you breathed in. To start, don’t worry by how much, just make sure you are breathing comfortably, and get the hang of breathing out longer than in. The idea is that, as you become more practised, you breathe out for 4 more than you breathe in – hence, ‘7:11 breathing’. As you are doing this, keep your shoulders relaxed, your whole body relaxed. Do it as long as it is comfortable. A little to start with, to get used to it. When you have finished, take note of how you feel, in your body and your mind.

And that’s it. That is all there is to it. You can practice this when washing up, hoovering, taking the kids to school, in bed before you go to sleep, watching t.v… anytime, anywhere.

Simple, effective, and potentially life-changing.

I hope you find this useful, and please do let me know if you try this, and your experiences with this marvellous skill.

Blessings be.