It feels as though I have been away from WP for a long time – Hello again, it is nice to be back here! The truth is, I have wanted to write for a long time – I have had thoughts buzzing around my head, but the idea of sitting and writing them into a cohesive piece seemed like too much effort. Winter took a real toll on me, with low energy and mood, and I quite literally ‘withdrew back down to my roots’. Then, with the turning of the year into 2014, FLIP! – It was like a switch being flicked in my head.. suddenly, for no apparent reason, I found more energy, I felt inspired, plans formulating in my mind, my heart opened…. all through no conscious effort, no decision, no doing on my part. It was like a natural biological happening. I am happy and thankful this, and it is odd, as we are still in Winter… and yet psychologically it feels like Spring to me. Perhaps it is the idea of a whole New Year ahead of me, fresh, new beginnings to play with and time enough to make them happen… perhaps it is the time passed since the Soltice, the drawing away of the dark nights and the Sun is calling, “I am coming! I am on my way!” As a Pagan & one sensitively attuned to the rhythm and beat of each season, and one who did indeed celebrate and honour the Solstice, I can well believe this could, indeed, be the case.
2014…. ah, I welcome you! So far every day – every day – has been calm, easy-going, free of stress, and, wonder of wonders, plenty of time. Having ‘enough time’ has been something I have struggled with. I have felt I am always rushing, always struggling to stay on top of things, always worrying about time, time, time… and suddenly, here I am, with apparently more than enough to get things done. Relaxed – that is the word for 2014! I am, mentally, spiritually, physically relaxed. Where has this extra time come from? Nothing has changed in my life since the end of 2013! I do not know, but I am very, very thankful. I feel like I am in a warm slip-stream, flowing with effortless ease.
To emphasise the fact that 2014 is a good year, I have had some physical manifestations of goodness: a friend of mine whom I have given Reiki to, and who was having a very tough time indeed, told me that shortly after the Reiki session that her whole situation turned around and her life transformed. I was so happy for her, and happy that I was a part of that process. This was a good sign of things to come!
Also, I finally finally found it – My Silver Star bracelet, as ‘given’ to me in a vision by Araianrhod. It is not exactly as I saw in my vision, but close enough – plus I found it on a street stall in my own city, rather than online or in a chain store, which feels much more meaningful. That I have found this bracelet means a great deal to me, it feels like the completion of an important task, and a step forward… to what next, I do not yet know, but I am ready and willing to see!
Another special item that I have acquired is this beautiful piece, which was a christmas present from Neometheus. It is flexible material and can be worn on the wrist or the upper arm. The Serpent, gold and green, has several connections and meanings for me, and I would love to be wearing this all the time, though alas it is not practical. The gold-and-green colouring is physically akin to my own Snake animal Totem. The piece reminds me and feels like a connection with my Celtic (Spiritual) ancestors, a people I have long regarded with awe and inspiration. So to gain two pieces of meaningful jewellry at the start of the year is a special and significant thing for me.
I have plans that I want to initate for my Reiki business, I want to further develop my Spiritual/Shamanic progress and knowledge, other projects to begin… ah, so many wonderful things to do and plan and learn and become! Yes, I think, I hope, I believe that 2014 is going to be a very good year!
I have another blog article lined up, thanks to a question from a fellow blogger and dear friend, Linda at Litebeing Chronicles, regarding the essence and fundamental meaning of Guardian/Spirit/Totem animal guides. I have always simply taken for granted their Being-ness and help, but I have never sat down and thought about the logisitics and reasons for their presence. Linda has raised an excellent question, that I am currently in the process of thinking carefully about, to put into a cohesive and understandable explanation. Hopefully I will be able to publish this soon.
I hope your 2014 has started well, your comments and queries are always & as ever, welcome. And, in the meantime, just in case it may be of interest to you, I shall leave you with this….
Firstly, I wish to say a HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of my American friends. I hope you are all having a wonderful celebration.
Winter is always a strange time for me. I hate the cold, with a passion. Neometheus says I must have been a lizard type creature in another life, because I ‘recharge’ with the sun! Winter makes me sad, tired, and I feel like I just want to hibernate – I really would given half a chance! Apart from the ‘S.A.D.’ diagnosis that many will attribute this to, there is actually a very good reason for the way I feel.
Let me explain something first: I am not Pagan because I chose that as my religion/faith/Spiritual Path/whatever you want to call it. I am Pagan because it is the way I FEEL, deep down inside. I was ‘Pagan’ before I knew that word, the term, the meaning. As a young teenager I always felt on the outside of things, different even from my friends, for a number of reasons. I remember on the walk to school ambling along the roads and looking at the leaves, the trees, the sky, the earth, and really appreciating them, feeling them. Then I came across the word ‘Pagan’ and its meaning, and I thought ‘So THIS is what I am!’ And thus my Path was determined. Paganism fits me like my skin, it is what I am INSIDE, heart and soul.
So – what does this have to do with Winter? Well I, and probably most pagans, are very in tune with the changes and shifts of the Seasons. The weather, celebrations, turning of the Seasons have an impact on me mentally and internally. Here is a simplified explanation:
SPRING – Start of growth, beginning to set up plans, gently awakening, welcoming the return of the Sun and natural life.
SUMMER – very active, plans into full swing, inspiration, ideas and doing, action, happiness, bouncing around, life blooming, sun at its peak giving maximum Vitamin D and thus energy to all life (including us).
AUTUMN – Experience from all the plans, reaping the harvest that has been sown, enjoying the fruits of the labour of Summer, beginning to gently slow down, thinking time, gratitude, satisfaction.
WINTER – Slow down, retraction, retreat as the Sun wanes and natural life withdraws/hibernates, plans stop, energy reserved, reflection, going inwards, contemplation.
This is the cycle of the Seasons – and of me. Obviously it comes and goes, I’m not ALWAYS ‘bouncy’ all of Summer and not ALWAYS bleak during Winter… but I have noticed a pattern over the years that runs parallel with that of the seasons. And I think many people also feel this, even if they are not consciously aware of it. The ‘S.A.D’ (Seasonal Affected Disorder) is not counter to this, but rather I think a scientific explanation of the same thing. We are all part of Nature, no matter how far removed we may think we are, and Nature naturally retreats in Winter, storing and reserving her energy until Spring begins to bring her bounty once again.
Internally, I feel I have already retreated this Winter: I am doing as much as I need/want to and no more. In a way I have been ‘Letting Go’, of that which is not needed – doing extra things for others, wasting energy worrying or stressing, attempting to please others. Now this may sound selfish, but actually it is not – we need to draw our own boundaries, learn when we need to say ‘no’ and when we need our energy for ourselves. And also in so doing, if we often do things for others, then sometimes letting go of this helps them – it helps them to learn to do their own thing without dependency, to draw THEIR own boundaries, and that you may not always be at the beck and call to help. This can be liberating. For me, it is necessary. My energy is currently very low and I need to preserve it for that which is important, needed, required.
Do not misunderstand me: I’m not NOT doing anything else for anyone, at all, all Winter – I am doing what I feel I can/should/want to do for others. But within limits: basically I ask myself the questions ‘Can I do this? Should I do this? Do I want to do this?’ If the internal answer is ‘Yes’, then I do it. But if I want to spend some time in the evening to please myself, then I will do that, rather than running around after others, or worrying about future tasks. I suppose from the outside view, it is a subtle change. From an internal view, it is a big change.
Plans and activities are still there though, my passion may be muted but it is still there – I am like the banked fire: my coals are still glowing, and will continue to, slow but ever-ready, instead of the Fire’s (Summer’s) high, wild hot leaping flames. Last weekend, I attended my first Mind Body Spirit Fair, offering Reiki. Neometheus accompanied me, for company and moral support, and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was not very busy unfortunately, but I see that as a lesson in ‘The Universe Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle’: Publicly I can be quite shy. One to one and small social groups I am fine, but public scenarios I still have to learn confidence, and ‘putting myself out there’ as a stall holder in an open event falls under that category for me. However, I enjoyed doing it, and I met some wonderful people, other stall holders, and seeing what everyone had to offer. I was very nearly tempted with a past life regression – but the cost of it just overcame my curiosity! However, I did buy some beautiful Selenite Pillars, which are now proudly sitting on my mantelpiece/altar.
One thing that was not at the fair was Rune Readings. I have a set of Runes and love them, I find their readings to be deep, many layered, sometimes – most times – profound, and sometimes quite blunt, and always extremely accurate. A lady at the fair who advertised herself as a ‘Seer’ obliquely mentioned me reading the tarot/cards. I didn’t have my tarot there, she picked this out of the ether. Now I have never charged for readings, I’ve never done it publicly – I have only read for friends and friends of friends, when asked. Never for a charge, because somehow, it has never seemed right to me. Neometheus mentioned the Runes in idle discussion, and it has sat with me – until I decided to offer this as a celebration giveaway on my Facebook page Reiki Rise & Shine. This has had a huge response, which was a pleasant surprise for me. So now I’m thinking, if things goes well, if the Readings work as well for others as they do for me, this can be another aspect I can bring to the next Fair that I attend.
Plans: I am planning already for next year – how to expand my business, attending as many Fairs/appropriate events as I can, offering the Rune Readings… and possibly more. Though I am quiet business wise at the moment – no surprise with Christmas around the corner – I have the whole of next year ahead of me, and now is the perfect time for planning, thinking, and learning. So I am quietly excited about having this time in which I can reflect, think, draft plans, and learn and explore the depths of myself, my abilities, and take time to develop and learn further – Spiritually, Shamanically, with the Runes, and so on and so forth.
So, although I hate cold, dark Winter, and would rather have the Sun and warmth and energy, Winter brings us much needed rest (if we heed Her wisdom!) and time for contemplation and reflection. I may be quiet and withdrawn, but I am also excited, and ready to develop and learn for next year.
A Blessed Winter to you – unless you are in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, I hope you enjoy your Summer!
‘Trust’ – Osho Zen Tarot Card
To leap off of the face of the cliff, not knowing what lies beneath you, but trusting that you will fly free.
This card exactly sums up my situation, attitude and behaviour right now. I am standing on the edge of the metaphorical cliff and I have taken the decision that very soon I shall jump.
I returned to work two weeks ago after being off sick for a long time. Last week, I came home from work and thought, ‘I can’t do this anymore’. The job, my job, no longer fits in with my life. It is not my Inner Truth, it does not call to my highest self. It is a lie. And I can no longer live that lie. So, very soon, I am handing in my resignation. I have no other job to go to.
I am, however, working hard to get my Reiki business ready. I will go self-employed, as a Reiki healer. My website is almost finished, Business cards, flyers and leaflets are next on the list, with of course in this day and age, a Facebook page and, quite possibly, another blog.
Although I am working hard to start promoting my Reiki healing, I cannot predict how many clients I will get and therefore my level of income. Therefore our financial situation may suffer. Despite this, my partner is 100% behind me, and, strange though it may seem, I have no doubt that things will work out!
Why? Why do I feel so confident? Because this is what I have wanted to do for a long time. Because I have been unhappy in my job for a long time. Because somewhere inside is a Voice, a Knowing, that this is right. And for no other reason at all.
Stagnation is the enemy of the human condition. It leads to unhappiness, misery, stress, negativity and regression. Change, Transformation, Growth are what strengthens a person and infuses the soul. It’s scary and sometimes painful – but that’s because we are making a change that will take us forward into new territory – and who knows what wonders lie on the other side?
If I don’t jump, I’ll never know. I have to jump – and fly.
For my sanity, my curiosity, my Inner truth, I have to take this leap of faith.
Have you ever taken a leap of faith?
My continued absence from the blogging world has not been by choice, but necessity. The last few months have been a really rough time for me, but I have come out of it feeling like – and thank you for this metaphor, lindalitebeing! – The Phoenix from the ashes. I am pleased to report that my current outlook on life is optimistic. Full of hope, determination, excitement, and dreams becoming fulfilled.
So let me take you back to the beginning – and explain what I mean about ‘Soul Sickness’.
Have you ever had an event in your life that seemed utterly depressing? Where you felt that you were at the bottom of a well with no ladder? You sit and brood, thinking all is lost, feeling hopeless, useless even, devastated… And then, somehow, after a while, you come out of it – and find a new lease of life. A completely new direction, a wholly new you, and you think, ‘wow! This would never have happened if that horrible event hadn’t happened first.’ This is soul sickness.
What do I mean by that? The Inner you, your soul, knows what you really want – or need. It knows where your life should be going. But the Outer you, the physical you, is happy to pootle along in that boring job, or in that drab relationship, or in that drug or drink induced befuddlement – because this easy and comfortable. Changing, even if we know it is for the best, is HARD. It requires effort. And it’s SCARY. But sometimes, events force our hand. All things happen for a reason. If devastation did not happen to us – we would not have the impetus to make the changes we know we want/need to make. Our Soul takes a hand in life’s events to lead us to where It knows we should be.
Don’t call it Luck. Don’t call it chance. Don’t give the Kudos to other people – thank yourself. YOU made the change, whether you know it or not.
For myself, this is what happened: As you may know if you have read previous posts, I have been battling with ‘low mood syndrome’ for quite some time. I was doing ok, too, refusing to let it beat me, despite the hold it had on me and my life. Then the place where I worked made changed my job without any due care or consideration to personal requirements, needs, feelings or anything else. I – and others – were really angry. I went home and ranted, then, as normal, went to work the next day. Imagine my surprise then, when, on logging in to the system, I had a panic attack. This was the first time in my life I had experienced a panic attack, and it was truly frightening. Again, the managers seemed unsympathetic and again, did not handle it well, until I eventually just told them I was going – walked out of the office.
Thank goodness I have an empathetic, understandable, GP, who saw me the same day and signed me off straightaway. This was at the end of May. I am still off work now. It has taken me until now to recover – and I am still not wholly healed. Since being off work I continued to experience panic attacks, then a continual sense of heightened anxiety. I’ve been constantly tired, sleeping too much, and my concentration has been shot. All this because of a job!
I have done a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing. Throughout my time off, despite all this rubbish going on with me, I have achieved more than I have in the last few years: I’ve completed something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and am awaiting a reply (I don’t want to say any more yet as I don’t want to jinx it!), I’ve applied for new jobs, mainly with charities, AND… I AM NOW SET UP AS A REIKI HEALER! Something I have yearned to do for years, but never felt that ‘the time was right’. I have my insurance, I have a clinic to work from, and Neometheus and I are designing business cards and a website! I am So excited about this, I have more passion in me than I can remember having in a long time. I have a GOAL, a FOCUS, a REASON for Being!
And none of this would have happened if things hadn’t gone wrong at work, and if I hadn’t felt so down. The idea of being down and feeling rubbish for the foreseeable future was loathsome to me. I didn’t WANT to feel like that. And I didn’t WANT to keep working where I was – something I knew several years ago, but just never bothered doing anything about.
I am now at the place that I should have been a long time ago. It took a great big push and shove from my Inner Self to get me here. I never had the courage to follow my mind, heart, and soul. And now I do.
Experiencing Soul sickness is miserable and terrifying – but it is a cleansing of the Self, and if you listen to your Self and have the courage to follow your instinct/heart/dreams – then you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and begin to see the world anew.
Wishing you all the courage and strength to follow your life’s path.
Light & Blessings