For once I am breaking my own rule on this site, & am posting a poem – because this poem is absolutely What I Am, and fits with the spirit of this blog, too. This poem is in my heart right now.
Do not mistake my kindness for weakness;
Do not think that as a Healer I am helpless,
My heart is open but not unprotected –
The danger has not gone undetected.
I will not falter and I shall not yield,
I accept this Power I can wield,
I fight not with a weapon in my hand –
It is a different battle for which I stand.
I understand there may be pain,
If I do not venture there will be no gain
To pretect my community, kith and kin –
Every battle shall I face and plan to win.
You see but do not know what you see,
Shadows on the edge that dance with me
Look further than your eye Sight
I walk determined with the Spirit Light
I know the Darkness that is surrounding,
With my Spirit Guides I go hunting and a-hounding
For you I promise I will never weaken,
It is my calling and my duty to be a Spirit Beacon.
My Strength and courage flows on the inside
Fear will never turn me aside
I accepted this challenge and this Path
To walk between the Dark and Light is my Task.
My Shield-Drum and Voice will always be at hand;
Ready and alert shall I ever stand
I walk the Otherworlds with no barrier
Call me not Fool but call me –
Light & Blessings
I have been itching to write this post for some time, however I have been, metaphorically speaking, running to catch up with myself as so much has happened. Finally I have the space, time, and energy to write this and let you all know what has been happening.
Some of you may have read my post about ‘Reiki & Shamanism’, where I talk about the fact that I use Shamanic practices in some areas of my life. Well, since that post, a few days after in fact, a strange happening occurred… I had a strange headache: It tingled, it made me feel ‘odd’, but didn’t hurt like a headache. As the day wore on, I began to feel disorientated and sick. Yet I was not ill, I didn’t have a cold, there was nothing else wrong with me. This feeling persisted continuously for another day, at which time I had a lay down to Reiki heal myself. I asked my Guardians for help, and asked them directly ‘what is this?’ I had the feeling they were reluctant to tell me, they got on with doing… something to me, but I kept drifting off. All I got from them was the word ‘Seperation’. My partner also Reiki’d me… and told me that he saw a black shard in my 3rd eye chakra, cobwebs in my aura, and my aura was fractured from my head (where the disorientation had emanated from) down to my Hara line.
In short, the Shamanic Reiki healings I had done had left me open to ‘negative’ energies that had attached themselves to me… and physically affected me. This realisation – that spirtual energy working could & did have an actual real-life effect shook me up the more I thought about it. I had intended to just do Reiki… and in doing Shamanic healing and not protecting myself, I left myself open to energies.
As I absorbed this over the next few days, something changed in me. A calling, a hardening, a shifting of spiritual thinking… ‘Warrior’ it said, deep within me. ‘Warrior’. My Healing self had realised something important: I am here not just to heal, but to protect. And it was then I realised also: My calling is that of Shaman. Not just to use Shamanic practices, but to BE a Shaman, to walk the walk, to apply myself fully to this path… and that includes protecting people.
This may not seem like much, but it was – is – a big deal. A spiritual evolution, if you will. A change in my very being. A few days after I consciously acknowledged and accepted that I am a Shaman, I had another strange effect… the same kind of disorientation, accompanied by emotionally disturbing feelings. I really thought I was going a little mad at one point, and had to fight with myself to stay in control. I’d done no other healings in this time, & can only believe that it was a test from the Universe to see if I really meant what I said about being a Shaman – did I scare easily? Would I quit?
Quit? How can I quit what I am?! No! The next day I put together a crystal Medicine bundle – Tiger’s eye; Tourmaline; Malachite; Citrineand a special flat stone I have with a Snake (my Animal guardian) engraved upon it. I also got a friend to make me up a crystal protection bracelet, and I bought some Frakincense as well. My intention is to make up a proper Medicine Bag, but I have my ‘starter kit’ for now.
I think more often now about the Darkness. Not that I am being ‘led’ to the ‘Dark side’, but if I am to Protect, then I must know, I must acknowledge, I must look at the darkness. It is nothing specific, it is thought, feeling, knowing. Darkness is there: I WILL face it. Yin-Yang – Balance, dark & light together is life. Everyone talks about the light: healing, positivity comments and posts on facebook etc, like ‘Stay strong, angels are with you’, ‘Let love surround you’… and so on. There is nothing wrong with this… but right now it irritates me, because it is not balanced with the fact we do experience darkness and negativity and we cannot just hope this goes away – we have to work with it and through it. In short – my thinking patterns have changed, shifted, to accommodate my new Being.
I have also collected feathers – something I’ve been drawn to since the Shaman calling. At first, pigeon feathers. ‘Not really appropriate for you’, says my other half, but on thinking, I disagreed. Consider: The pigeon is a humble bird, an
everyday bird, nothing special. The pigeon ADAPTED to city life, and is now a very part of the city. I wanted to wear a feather in my hair, and I did try. Not to be pretentious, not to say ‘look I’m different’, but the idea called to me, & I believe because it is a way of marking my identity to myself a reminder in the everyday world of my calling and my duty. However it wasn’t very practical and did not work very well! This has already progressed however – I very happily found some crow feathers – yes, the Dark – and put them away until I found some swan feathers (of which I am still hoping to find more). Black and white… Yin-Yang… Balance. I also have duck and geese feathers… because they are beautiful; they are part of my surroundings; they are part of my part of the Earth – it is connection. My intention is to get some purple and/or white cord, and make up feather medicine bundles, to hang up as appropriate. If I can get some clasps, then I may have a way of being able to attach and detach these feathers in my hair, as and when it seems appropriate!
The other day, I took a walk in the local park, and really noticed everything around me for the first time. I consciously connected with my surroundings, and it was beautiful. I was hoping for more swan feathers- long, full feathers, but what I got was something just as fantastic, if not more so… by dipping into closespaces half-hidden by low branches close-knit trees, and greeting the Great Willow Tree Spirit – I found two workable willow sticks! Perfect for ‘starter’/practice wands and staffs! I was so so happy.
I have also started seeing particular symbols at certain chakra points during Reiki healings on myself: first, I saw a Koi carp at the throat chakra, then I saw a Copper Beech tree at the Crown chakra. This is something entirely new to me, and something else to explore and work out the meanings and see what connects to the other chakras and how they fit.
And… I have begun chanting in the mornings. On the way walk back from the school run. Yes, I know, people must think I am mad. But it started one morning, a low sound in my throat, and carried on, as I looked at the sky, the trees… the Life around me. And it calms me, centres me… and I find it hard to stop. It is a chant to Nature, an acknowledgement and a thanks, it is just a simple ‘hey-yeyyey-heyyey-hiyi…’ sort of sound, that carries itself on.
So. In several weeks my whole Inner World has changed, and it has affected Who I Am on the outside too. I am still me, but I am different.. I have had a Spirit-evolution. It has taken me some while to abosrb and understand. I have passed through the other side… and there is a looooooooooong walk ahead of me. It is exciting, slightly daunting, and potentially life changing.
A Warrior always stands alert, ready.
A Warrior fights from the heart.
A Warrior fights to protect – Herself, her kith, kin & clan.
A Warrior stands. Always.
Your thoughts & comments are, as always, welcome.
Light & Blessings