This post is one that I have intended to write for some time, detailing some unique and strange experiences in my life, that I have never quite been able to explain. I have put this into sub-headings, so please feel free to browse and skip and read only what seems interesting to you! First however, a new experience from today….
Chakras and Totem Associations
I have recently begun to see particular images, or ‘Totems’ at chakra points as I do self-reiki. The first I saw was at my throat chakra, and was a Koi carp, which symbolises good fortune, prosperity, and also the Yin-Yang symbol (apparently the yin-yang is said to be actually be made up of two Koi, male and female, in balance). The second image came to me at the Crown and 3rd Eye chakra, and was the Copper Beech tree. This represents learning, knowledge, crossing barriers, communicating knowledge – very apt, for the chakra points. I knew nothing of the meaning of this tree – I didn’t even know what the tree WAS when I saw it, but it was so vivid that I looked it up on the internet and found it, and of course was suitably stunned by the symbolic meaning. And today I saw a Totem at my Heart chakra – a Hummingbird. After the session, I was discussing with my partner, Neometheus, about my use of energy at the moment and how I feel depleted, and some of this depletion is coming from ‘thinking’ too much: thinking of all the jobs that need doing, that I should be doing, the pull in different directions of my energies. Then I looked up Hummingbird – and was, yet again, hit by the synchronicity of Hummingbird meaning: one site says:
Hummingbirds are also a reminder of how we expend our own energy. When hummingbirds show up in our lives, it’s a good time to take a look at ourenergy-stores and resources. hummingbirds warrant an honest look at how we are maintaining our vibrational frequencies. Are we frittering away our energy on needless issues (ie: worry, fear, lack)? Or, are we in a state of well-honed, regulated balance when it comes to our energy and resources?
Hummingbird is very much linked to the Heart – it is about Lightness, fun, joy, clearing negativity. I am enjoying this chakra/totem association, discovering the many-layered aspects interwoven in the meanings, what they mean to me and how to use them wisely, knowingly, understanding the meaning and pattern developing in my life.
I know this sounds morbid, but it is true. In a 7 year period from age 15/16 to some time in my early 20’s, I had 3 death dreams. They were so realistic I could FEEL my death for days afterwards. I remembered the dreams, the experience of dying, the fear, that these feelings are still with me today, 10+ years later.
Dream 1: Sarajevo war. I have no idea why, I was quite a young child during the time of that war and this dream was years later. I was sitting in a cafe filled with people, when soldiers came in and started firing automatics. I remember ending up on a heaped pile of dead bodies, me still alive, playing dead and hoping against hope the soldiers would leave… but they didn’t, they fired into the bodies, the bullet hit me… life bled, faded from me, I felt life leave me, turn to black… I felt that bullet. I felt death come for me. It was real. And it scared the hell out of me.
Dream 2: English-German council of peace after the war. Both armies sitting at a table discussing moving forward in peace. I was at the head of the table, the diplomat, the ‘neutral’ or aligned party, on both sides and neither side. A soldier burst in through the door, yelling, aimed his gun – at me. Again, the bullet hit. Again, I felt the disorientation, the draining of life, knowing I was dying, seeing only blackness… felt death begin.
Dream 3: I found myself walking down a corridor… and knew it was towards the electric chair. I was walking to my own execution. Panic gripped me: I had to escape. I ran into the bathroom, breathing hard, looked at the window, the walls… no escape. Nowhere to run. I was really going to my execution, there was no denying it, no choice. This was it. I had 5 minutes of life, and then – death. This time the dream ended there, not actually at my death. But the panic, the knowing of death to come… when I awoke, that panic was still with me.
I still, to this day have no idea why I had these dreams. There was no obvious trauma in my life at those times – I remember questioning the dreams at the time. Some subconscious forces were obviously at work, but I never did uncover them. On the same sort of theme, I have several times woken from dreams and found myself actually crying. This has not happened for some time, but again, some strong subconcious actions happening to induce such a physical reaction, and again, not something I ever discovered the ‘why’ of.
Abundant Spiritual Connection
At the age of around 14/15, I was walking in my local town, on a normal day, in a normal way. Suddenly, noticing the people around me, walking, talking, being normal, I felt this amazing connection with them all – suddenly I could not understand how they could just walk past me and disappear from my life, as if they did not exist. To every person I felt this spiritual connection, and had an almost panic-reaction to their coming-and-going in a blink of an eye, that they did not acknowledge this connection with each other. The feeling lasted for seconds, literally, but was so profound, it has stayed with me to this day. I have never been able to reconnect with this feeling/understanding, and I don’t know why it happened that day. It was totally out of the blue, came from nowhere, and disappeared again. Leaving me with just a glimpse of absolute, total, inter-connectedness.
Beside myself, quite literally
I have saved the weirdest, the strangest, the most unique experience in my life until last. There are very few people who know this tale, and of those I have spoken to, I have not yet come across anyone who has experienced anything like this. Comments, suggestions and thoughts particularly on this will be very welcome indeed.
Again, this started at the age of about 15 (In writing this post, I am beginning to see a strange pattern!) And again it stopped sometime in my early/mid-twenties. It always happened when a) I was alone, & b) when I looked in a mirror… something ‘shifted’ inside me, and I was no longer quite myself. I felt myself to be, literally, ‘beside’ myself, overlapping my body side-wise; half in my body and half to the side of it. I looked in the mirror and knew it was me, but also felt like a stranger. I became uncomfortably conscious: super-aware of myself, of every action, that it was extremely unsettling. Simple actions, such as brushing my hair, picking up items… felt like someone else was in control, was doing it, with me kind of watching. Yet it felt like ‘me’, it felt like a stronger, wiser, better me, somehow. Me, but a different me who was in control of my body, whilst Me me watched, terrified, wanting to be back to just being me. This sensation could last anything from 15/20 mins up to maybe an hour or so. It really did terrify me because it was such a strange feeling, and I had no idea how or why it was happening. It didn’t happen on a regular basis, but often enough that it was more than a handful of times over that period.
I don’t know why it started. I don’t know why it stopped. And I sure don’t know what the hell it was! I have never been able to find an answer to this.
And Finally, back to dreams…
Last night I had a dream about my right hand having to be cut off (I am right-handed). There was nothing wrong with it in the dream, but I knew it had to go. At first I was terrified, I didn’t want it to be amputated (especially with the stanley knife that was the tool in the dream!). But eventually, I surrendered, choosing to accept the fate, and told them to do it now & quickly. Then it no longer needed to be cut off… as if in the surrender, I had ‘fixed’ the problem, or maybe passed a test. I had a similar dream some months ago about my forearm or perhaps whole arm, accept I had 2 chances in that one, the first I chose to allow my arm to be cut off, which then regrew, the 2nd time I chose to keep my arm and not have it cut away. I am not entirely sure of the theme here but there is definitely something deep going on, and I and Neometheus believe it has something to with ‘control’ and ‘letting go’.
If you have stuck with me so far – wow, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this rather strange trip, and please feel free to share your own strange experiences, or to comment on any of the above – any and all thoughts welcome!
Light & Blessings be,
I realise that I am very lucky: my Animal Guardians came to me, I didn’t have to go searching for them. Apparently though, it doesn’t always happen this way, and this post is an intention to show you some of the ways that you can find and connect with your own personal Spirit Guardian.
Note: here, we are just talking about your animal Guardian: There are many Guides and teachers and yes, even Angels, that reside in the Spiritual Plane, all of whom can help us in their own unique ways, if we consciously connect to them. This post is concentrating on the Animal Guardian connection.
Sometimes, your Guardians do come to you in various and unexpected ways: a friend may give you a gift of an animal representation, and say ‘I thought of you when I saw this’. You may then notice that this animal crops up quite often – on tv, in pictures you see, in dreams… you may even notice your thoughts straying to a particular animal, or thinking to yourself, ‘I feel like bear/butterfly/deer at the moment’, and so on. Don’t ignore this – your Guardian may be trying to connect to you. Look the animal up: see if the symbolism connects with you. If you are still doubtful, look at the meditation/Journey exercise below.
If this doesn’t happen, and you want to reach your Guardian, then there are two ways that I, personally, know of doing this. The first one doesn’t require meditation/Journeying. If you are not familiar with doing that type of trance work, I suggest trying this: Get a mirror, big enough that you can see into without holding it up in your hand, and place it propped in front of you, where you can look into it. Place a candle- any candle, a tealight will do – in front of it, and light it. The flame enhances concentration. Now, you can either stare into the mirror, looking deeply and firmly into your own eyes – the flame should be in your peripheral vision. Or look into the mirror first, into your own eyes, and then transfer your gaze to the flame. Keep your gaze on the flame, don’t stray from it. Do whichever appeals and seems more comfortable to you. Concentrate your thoughts on your Animal Guardian, on reaching and connecting with your animal Guardian. You will enter a light trance state, a meditative state. Eventually, the idea of an animal will show itself to you. Concentrate on it until you are sure it is clear. This may take a while. If you don’t get it first time, don’t give up. It may take a bit of practice. Be sure to thank your animal Guardian for showing itself to you. When you are done, look it up, to see what it represents – this is a mark of reciprocating your honour and respect, your thanks for its appearance, and coming to you.
Note: Depending on what type of person you are, you may see your animal, you may not: instead, you may ‘hear’ or ‘think’ of the animal. Don’t dismiss this, this may be the way it is reaching you. You may ‘feel’ – the strength of a bear, the wings of a butterfly, a paw on your shoulder. Not everyone sees images in this type of work. I very rarely do. I’m a Clairsentient, which means I ‘know’ things, information just suddenly ‘drops’ into my mind, from seemingly nowhere. Sometimes images and feelings accompany this. Whatever happens, trust your instinct. Your instinct is a lot more attuned to this type of work than you may be aware of!
The second way of connecting is through meditation. And there are various ways of connecting once you are relaxed and calm enough. If you are not used to going into a trance like state, you may need to practice first – paradoxically, it can be quite tricky to calm yourself enough to let go of the outer world! Either sit or lie down, whichever is most comfortable for you. Make sure you are in a relaxed position, and I’d advise taking off a watch. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and slowly. To start with, just think of nothing: nothing in your mind, in your brain. Just calm, centering yourself, going inward. No thoughts, just.. calm; emptiness. Once you feel you are ‘inside’ (and you will know when you are there) you can begin to concentrate on your Guardian. As I say, there are two ways of doing this.
The first way is, just to think of connecting to your animal Guardian. Concentrate on that. Call to them: “I would like to connect with my animal Guardian. Please will you show yourself to me?” Again, this may take a while, so be patient. Things may happen; you may see/think/hear/feel various images or scenes. Accept them, let it happen, but don’t involve yourself with them. If and when you see an animal, respond according to your feelings – your inner self and instinct will guide you on what to do. If you connect with an Animal, watch them, and your own feelings. If you are happy, excited, filled with warmth, trust etc, this is likely your Guardian – particularly if they are looking right at you, or are dancing, or doing something else that feels positive. If, however, you feel doubtful or fearful, then this may not be your Guardian. Many strange things can happen when you are ‘seeing’ in a trance state. If you are unsure, think to the vision ‘are you my animal Guardian?’ It will answer you with a yes only if it is. You can stay with the vision, see what else happens. Talk to your Guardian, ask questions – or it may have a message for you. When you are ready to leave, be sure to thank your Guardian, and come back to yourself slowly. You will need to ground yourself after doing this – you may feel strange, lightheaded. Eating is a good way of bringing your self back to normality. Or sit quietly for a while, thinking about your vision, or write it down.
The other way of connecting in meditation is by Journeying. You may want to take a few practice runs at this before travelling to find your Guardian. Start by going to the World Tree. This is where you connect to the Upper, middle, and Lower Spiritual realms. Imagine a huge tree, one that you connect with, that has huge roots and big, widespread branches, the trunk extending far, far up. Some books I have read state that you have to travel downwards, to the Lower World, to connect with your animal Guardian. Personally, I would say that whatever feels right to you, do – again it’s all about trusting your intuition. (If you are just exploring – taking initial practice runs – you can just climb up and down the Tree, through the branches, see what it has to show you.) Before you go anywhere, state your intent: I wish to connect with my animal Guardian. I am travelling to find my animal Guardian. Then look at the Tree, and go where your intuition leads you.
To get to the Lower World, follow the roots downwards. It may seem to take a while to get there, but the roots will not lead you wrong. If you want to start in the Upper World, climb the tree, past the lower branches, keep going up and up and up… you’ll sudenly ‘clear’ the top branches, you will likely hit a barrier of some sort: clouds, light, or something else. Go up past the barrier, and you are there. For the Middle World, you don’t need to climb. The World Tree is your frame of reference, but here, all you need to do is walk away, heading towards a forest clearing, or a meadow, or something of nature with which you feel comfortable. Once you are there, you are in the Middle World.
Wherever you have chosen to go, keep in mind why you are there: to find your animal Guardian. You may see other things and other animals in these Worlds – every experience is different. Just as with the previous exercise, be guided by your inner responses. If you have negative feelings, remove yourself from the situation you are seeing. If you have positive feelings, by all means engage with what you are experiencing – you might learn something new, or receive messages from other beings inhabiting this World. Just be aware at all times and don’t allow yourself to be ‘sucked into’ something you are not sure about. Keep focussed. Think of this like taking a walk in an unknown woods – it is peaceful, enjoyable, experiential – but always be alert, for you don’t know what else could be there. Just as in the real world, think about your own safety as much as the weird and wonderful things you are seeing.
Again, as with the above exercise, when you see an animal, ask it directly: Are you my Guardian? And watch and listen for its response. Your Guardian will only ever answer with positive feelings and attitude. Any other animal who has appeared for reasons of their own, will either ignore you, snarl, or give off dubious or negative feelings. If you encounter this, simply turn and walk away, and carry on calling for your Guardian to come to you.
Your Guardian may want to show you their world: whilst with them, they will keep you safe and protect you here, follow and heed them – and enjoy yourself! Or if you prefer, you can return directly – by making your way back to the World Tree. Don’t forget to thank your Guardian for coming to you. Again, make sure you ground yourself when returning to the normal world, and look up the symbolism and traits of your Guardian.
These are my experiences and ways I have come across of connecting with Guardians. This is a not a definitive guide, and you may com aacross other information which differs. Always do what feels right to you. I hope this has been of help to you, and I wish you luck, and most of all, fun with this. As ever, I will be happy to answer any questions you have on this subject, and to hear of your own experiences regarding connecting with your Guardian – or Guardians.