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Many Plans, Time to Retreat

Firstly, I wish to say a HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of my American friends. I hope you are all having a wonderful celebration.

Hibernation

Winter is always a strange time for me. I hate the cold, with a passion. Neometheus says I must have been a lizard type creature in another life, because I ‘recharge’ with the sun! Winter makes me sad, tired, and I feel like I just want to hibernate – I really would given half a chance! Apart from the ‘S.A.D.’ diagnosis that many will attribute this to, there is actually a very good reason for the way I feel.

Let me explain something first: I am not Pagan because I chose that as my religion/faith/Spiritual Path/whatever you want to call it. I am Pagan because it is the way I FEEL, deep down inside. I was ‘Pagan’ before I knew that word, the term, the meaning. As a young teenager I always felt on the outside of things, different even from my friends, for a number of reasons. I remember on the walk to school ambling along the roads and looking at the leaves, the trees, the sky, the earth, and really appreciating them, feeling them. Then I came across the word ‘Pagan’ and its meaning, and I thought ‘So THIS is what I am!’ And thus my Path was determined. Paganism fits me like my skin, it is what I am INSIDE, heart and soul.

So – what does this have to do with Winter? Well I, and probably most pagans, are very in tune with the changes and shifts of the Seasons. The weather, celebrations, turning of the Seasons have an impact on me mentally and internally. Here is a simplified explanation:

SPRING – Start of growth, beginning to set up plans, gently awakening, welcoming the return of the Sun and natural life.

SUMMER – very active, plans into full swing, inspiration, ideas and doing, action, happiness, bouncing around, life blooming, sun at its peak giving maximum Vitamin D and thus energy to all life (including us).

AUTUMN – Experience from all the plans, reaping the harvest that has been sown, enjoying the fruits of the labour of Summer, beginning to gently slow down, thinking time, gratitude, satisfaction.

WINTER – Slow down, retraction, retreat as the Sun wanes and natural life withdraws/hibernates, plans stop, energy reserved, reflection, going inwards, contemplation.

This is the cycle of the Seasons – and of me. Obviously it comes and goes, I’m not ALWAYS ‘bouncy’ all of Summer and not ALWAYS bleak during Winter… but I have noticed a pattern over the years that runs parallel with that of the seasons. And I think many people also feel this, even if they are not consciously aware of it. The ‘S.A.D’ (Seasonal Affected Disorder) is not counter to this, but rather I think a scientific explanation of the same thing. We are all part of Nature, no matter how far removed we may think we are, and Nature naturally retreats in Winter, storing and reserving her energy until Spring begins to bring her bounty once again.

Internally, I feel I have already retreated this Winter: I am doing as much as I need/want to and no more. In a way I have been ‘Letting Go’, of that which is not needed – doing extra things for others, wasting energy worrying or stressing, attempting to please others. Now this may sound selfish, but actually it is not – we need to draw our own boundaries, learn when we need to say ‘no’ and when we need our energy for ourselves. And also in so doing, if we often do things for others, then sometimes letting go of this helps them – it helps them to learn to do their own thing without dependency, to draw THEIR own boundaries, and that you may not always be at the beck and call to help. This can be liberating. For me, it is necessary. My energy is currently very low and I need to preserve it for that which is important, needed, required.

Do not misunderstand me: I’m not NOT doing anything else for anyone, at all, all Winter – I am doing what I feel I can/should/want to do for others. But within limits: basically I ask myself the questions ‘Can I do this? Should I do this? Do I want to do this?’ If the internal answer is ‘Yes’, then I do it. But if I want to spend some time in the evening to please myself, then I will do that, rather than running around after others, or worrying about future tasks. I suppose from the outside view, it is a subtle change. From an internal view, it is a big change.

Plans and activities are still there though, my passion may be muted but it is still there – I am like the banked fire: my coals are still glowing, and will continue to, slow but ever-ready, instead of the Fire’s (Summer’s) high, wild hot leaping flames. Last weekend, I attended my first Mind Body Spirit Fair, offering Reiki. Neometheus accompanied me, for company and moral support, and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was not very busy unfortunately, but I see that as a lesson in ‘The Universe Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle’: Publicly I can be quite shy. One to one and small social groups I am fine, but public scenarios I still have to learn confidence, and ‘putting myself out there’ as a stall holder in an open event falls under that category for me. However, I enjoyed doing it, and I met some wonderful people, other stall holders, and seeing what everyone had to offer. I was very nearly tempted with a past life regression – but the cost of it just overcame my curiosity! However, I did buy some beautiful Selenite Pillars, which are now proudly sitting on my mantelpiece/altar.

Me at the Mind Body Spirit Fair
Me at the Mind Body Spirit Fair

Selenite Pillars

One thing that was not at the fair was Rune Readings. I have a set of Runes and love them, I find their readings to be deep, many layered, sometimes – most times – profound, and sometimes quite blunt, and always extremely accurate. A lady at the fair who advertised herself as a ‘Seer’ obliquely mentioned me reading the tarot/cards. I didn’t have my tarot there, she picked this out of the ether. Now I have never charged for readings, I’ve never done it publicly – I have only read for friends and friends of friends, when asked. Never for a charge, because somehow, it has never seemed right to me. Neometheus mentioned the Runes in idle discussion, and it has sat with me – until I decided to offer this as a celebration giveaway on my Facebook page Reiki Rise & Shine. This has had a huge response, which was a pleasant surprise for me. So now I’m thinking, if things goes well, if the Readings work as well for others as they do for me, this can be another aspect I can bring to the next Fair that I attend.

Plans: I am planning already for next year – how to expand my business, attending as many Fairs/appropriate events as I can, offering the Rune Readings… and possibly more. Though I am quiet business wise at the moment – no surprise with Christmas around the corner – I have the whole of next year ahead of me, and now is the perfect time for planning, thinking, and learning. So I am quietly excited about having this time in which I can reflect, think, draft plans, and learn and explore the depths of myself, my abilities, and take time to develop and learn further – Spiritually, Shamanically, with the Runes, and so on and so forth.

So, although I hate cold, dark Winter, and would rather have the Sun and warmth and energy, Winter brings us much needed rest (if we heed Her wisdom!) and time for contemplation and reflection. I may be quiet and withdrawn, but I am also excited, and ready to develop and learn for next year.

A Blessed Winter to you – unless you are in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, I hope you enjoy your Summer!

Blessings be,

Heidi

A Meeting In Time – Cosmic Retrograde Challenge

Mercury Retrograde 2

Linda at litebeing chronicles invited her followers to take part in her Retrograde challenge: with Mercury in retrograde, she came up with the idea of reintroducing something from the past still in your life – an old cd, item of clothing, jewellry, anything that you have had around for a long time but has been left untouched. The idea was to see how this item from the past now makes you feel and if it engenders any feelings or new associations/experiences.

I thought this was a great idea, though initially I did not think I had anything relevant to partake in this interesting challenge – I tend to throw things out quite ruthlessly. However, as I sat looking at Linda’s article, I turned to my bookshelf… and my eyes fell straight onto the Carlos Castaneda books. Bing! Went the lightbulb in my head… this seemed perfect: given the new spiritual evolution happening with me right now, and the fact that I had been meaning to re-read these books for a while, it all seemed to tie in quite nicely. It has been many years since I read Castaneda, so it would be right for the Retrograde challenge.

However, rather conincidentally, I had, just the day or so before I read Linda’s article, picked up another book that I

Look to Windward by Iain M Banks

Look to Windward by Iain M Banks

had not re-read for some years: Iain M BanksLook to Windward. I found that I just could not set this aside in favour of starting Castaneda. I was already enjoying it too much, and there is a particular poignancy with this book which fits nicely itself with this challenge: Iain M Banks passed away earlier this year. He is the ONLY ‘celebrity’ – sorry, ‘famous person would be a better description – that genuinely made me very very sad when I heard that he had died. Banks is in my top 5 authors, I truly believe he was a Master of his Art. No-one can write like him, and the loss of such a genius touched me to the core. I have not read any of his books since his passing – until now.

I remember that the first time I read this book, I actually cried at the end, I found it so poignant. There are only 4 books I have ever read – and I am an avid reader – that have made me cry, they were that good. So I continued to read Look to Windward. I remembered nothing of the plot line from the first reading, so it was, in a sense, like the first reading. Now, I don’t know if it was the knowledge that Banks is no longer with us, or just his superb writing, but I did not just read this book: I savoured it; I thrilled in it, I took every line, every paragraph into my heart. In terms of writing style, plot, imagination, emotional depth – this book is… dare I say it?… perfect! The complexity, the depth, the scope of the mind to write such a thing… and there are some truly profound lines within the story as well, that touched me deeply. I am so pleased to have read this book, at this time. I didn’t cry again at the end, but I FELT the story, the concept, the message. And that depth of feeling was exactly what I needed in my life. I cannot explain why; it was just something left me with a kind of happy whimsy.

Thinking of the challenge also guided me to start wearing my Nan’s ring. Now, I don’t know why there is this pattern, but my Nan is also an entity who is no longer living. She passed away in 2008, and it was particularly poignant as I was pregnant with my first child – what would have been her first grand-child. She never knew I was pregnant as she had been very ill for a long time. My Nan had given me her ring a few years before this, insisting that I have it. It was her engagement ring, from her husband oh-so-long ago. Yet another poignant point: her husband died when my mum was 2. So this ring my Nan had carried for many years in memory of her long dead husband, and had chosen to give it to me.

Nan's engagement ring

Nan’s engagement ring

Normally I keep the ring in my jewellry box for fear of losing it, but I chose to wear it now, in light of this challenge. And this is what I learned: I am not sentimental about things. I love the ring for what it represents – but my Nan is in my heart… wearing the ring did not engender any special feelings in me, it is, to all intents and purposes, just a ring. I wore it for a few days and was actually quite surprised by the lack of feeling – but it just showed me what I already knew (I think) – that my feelings come from my heart, from within, and not in regards to physical items.

During all this, I was also going through a high-irritation phase that I just could not shake off for days. Finally, when I had a day completely to myself, I did something I have not done for a long time, and indulged in myself for the sake of it. I brought out my girlie side by painting my nails and putting make-up on just because, and I played some cds, very loud. These are cds that I have not played for a long time, mainly because they are ‘adult content’ and the kids are usually around, but also because I tend to think my music tastes have changed. Do I tell you? Ok, rap music. Yes, me, rap. This goes back to my teenage days and into my early 20s. So, for the first time in several years, on goes Eminem’s 8 Mile (from the film), up goes the volume…. and lo and behold, an hour or two later, I am feeling really, really good. My irritation has gone completely. In allowing myself to indulge whole-heartedly in things that I generally tend to categorise as ‘Not Me/No Longer Me’, I released an expectation of myself… I shifted the habit-patterns… and thus made room for new responses, which was healthy and definitely needed!

So… book; ring; cds… what has this Retrograde challenge meant for me? Well, bringing old things back into my life didn’t engender feelings of sentimentality, melancholy, past memories… but I did enjoy revisiting some of these old things (whilst learning that I really am NOT sentimental!) and sometimes, it really is good to drag things out of the ‘Past’ cupboard, and give yourself an old/new space, because you just never know what the experience will bring to your life!

Tomorrow’s post on the Retrograde Challenge is by Shree at The Heartsong Blog. Please visit her to see what this experience has brought to her, and if you want to catch up from the start, you can visit Julianne’s Blog here. Linda’s Blog here shows the full schedule.

So a big Thank You for Linda for inspiring and encouraging this experiment… and maybe soon I WILL get around to reading those Castaneda books!

Blessings be

Heidi.    

Challenges And Lessons

What a week or two this has been! Intense emotions and thoughts, reconnecting the past with the present, and bringing new things into my life too!

Raphael with Caduceus

Raphael with Caduceus

 

A short while ago, I began to feel really irritable, for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a moment of irritation – this was a full-blown continuing-for-days irritation, and it was aimed at everything. Myself, the family, the inane conversations of passing strangers, manners – or lack-of – of strangers, t.v. Adverts, inane t.v. Programmes… everything. Where did it come from? Why did it suddenly appear? I thought I’d solved this problem when I quit my job and started my Reiki practice!

I came up with several possibilities for this sudden irritation:

The meds are still having an effect on my system, despite having taken myself off them 6/8 weeks ago – I just stopped taking them because, quite frankly, I didn’t want them anymore – but I didn’t realise that you are not supposed to ‘just come off’ them, you are supposed to gradually increase the dose. This sort of action is typical me, really – all or nothing, stubbornness in doing what I want because I think it’s the best way!

Given my forays further into the Spiritual world, it could be a ‘test’ from that world. I won’t say ‘attack’ – not this time – because it didn’t feel like that. But it could have been a test – how do I cope with my own feelings, emotons? Am I balanced enough to do this work? Can I bring myself back into balance?

Two people very dear to me suggested it could be the negative energies from all the healings I have been doing. Now, Reiki has an in-built fail-safe system that rebuffs any negative energy back to the universe – however it isn’t just Reiki that I have been doing, so this is also a possibility.

The Shamanic world is showing me that I have an issue with internal anger that I need to look at closely. I’m not an angry person, do not mistake me – but that, in its way, is the problem: I have never learnt how to effectively express my anger: I tend to hide it away, keep it bottled inside, until -pop! Just like the fizzy drink bottle analogy. This possibility is one I intend to delve into and discover whether, indeed, I have an issue that I need to explore about myself.

The problem with treading a solitary path is balancing everyday normal reality with the spiritual. There could be an everyday reason for my irritability, and I should not – no-one should ever – ignore this in favour of some more ethereal and esoteric reason for goings-on. But just as important is that I should and need to take into account that it COULD well be a Shamanic/Spiritual experience trying to tell me something. Both are equally important and deserve due attention, because I live and walk in both worlds and attract energies from both worlds. But, I have to work out which world these signs, these energies, these dis-eases come from. How can I move forward and develop if I don’t have an answer? If I just shrug it off as ‘something that happened’, then it could happen again, because I haven’t taken steps to resolve the source of the issue.

In the midst of all this I accepted Litebeing Chronicles ‘retrograde Challenge‘. To reconnect with something old that used to be loved, that you no longer use/read/listen to/wear etc. My post about this will be on November 10th, so

Mercury and Time

Mercury and Time

stay tuned. Now THIS had an interesting impact on my state. I took a whole day, which I had to myself, to totally indulge in ME. And I indulged my Girlie side, which is something I have not done for a very long time. In fact, I insist on telling myself I don’t ‘have’ a Girlie side, because that connotation does not fit with my image of myself. But I am lying! I do have a Girlie side, and boy did it love finally being allowed out! I listened to music of my teenage years (loud!) I painted my nails (rarely seen!), I put on make up for no reason but that I could, I sorted out all my make up stuff (lots got thrown as it was so old, the rest neatened up), and then – I went shopping. Clothes shopping. For fun. Yes, me. Normally I dislike clothes shopping. I am not a natural shopper: I have a low tolerance threshold! But I found I actually enjoyed the process. I put no pressure on myself – financially, or ‘I’ve got to find this or that’, I just went looking, tried on a few things, ambled around… and you know what? I actually caught myself in a kin-like meditative state! Taking pressure off, just wandering around looking… my Mind had stopped thinking, it was concentrating on looking at clothes and – no thoughts. Not ‘no thoughts’ in a vacant negative way, but in a very good not thinking about rubbish way! And it WAS just like a meditation. Well who would’ve thought? Certainly not me! I actually came back with stuff I liked AND having not gone crazy and just bought stuff for the sake of it, I was actually very restrained.

This day of pure self-indulgence did me the world of good. It completely knocked my irritability off, out, and into space. I think the retrograde challenge had a lot to do this (thank you Linda! 🙂 ) And I promise I will expand on this on Nov 10th.

But also – taking yourself out of your normal zone – doing something different, no matter how small, can make a real change in you – shifting your emotions because you are not acting in pattern, and thus, your Mind and emotions cannot react in a learnt responsive way. Being self-indulgent every so often is not selfish: It’s healthy and it is NEEDED – by YOU, and by your nearest & dearest – after all, if you are not at your best, then you cannot help them the best way you potentially could, can you?!

So, the lesson learnt: Every day normal activities can have a Spiritual meaning and effect. Hmm, interesting, and noted!

Blessings be

Reiki Heidi 

A few random thoughts

I thought today that I would share with you some random thoughts of mine. Something slightly different, but I hope no less enjoyable.

JUST FOR YOU

As I was trawling about the city the other day, going into the Mall & seeing everyone strolling past with their multiple little purchase-bags, and the shops with their not so subtle signs of ‘% off’ and ‘ONLY £’, and all the bright displays of all the choices of things to buy, a thought struck me: 

Norwich Castle Mall

Norwich Castle Mall

This consumption, this need to buy new shiny things, this short-lived euphoria we get when we buy something new… is at least partially a psychological conditioning that says ‘I’m not good enough unless I have THIS shiny thing/THE LATEST in that…’ Buying what we NEED is different, but buying because it’s THERE and we are told ‘LOOK! LOOK AT ME! Aren’t I shiny and you want me and need me…?’ We give in to this desire and we feel better just for having something NEW… which soon becomes old, and doesn’t look so good just a few days or weeks on.

WELL WHAT IF – What if I had enough money to set up a shop… I would call it

JUST FOR YOU! 

Just For You ...

Just For You … (Photo credit: joselito.jb33)

 

And you would be welcome to come in, relax in one of our comfy chairs, take the weight off your feet, and have a chat with one of our friendly, empathetic, Here-For-You staff, whose sole purpose will be to see to your comfort & to chat with you if you like. To be a listening ear, or a teller of jokes; to compliment you & do what they can to ensure your self-esteem is nice and strong. Not to flatter; but genuinely and honestly.

Or you can take a seat in our side or back room, with the low lighting and the gentle music, to meditate, or think or watch the projector screen gently flowing through a series of pictures of wild and wonderful nature.

Maybe we could offer you a mini-foot massage, shoulder massage, or even a book of inspiring or thoughtful quotes, or of poetry. And we would offer you a coffee, tea or soft drink during your visit.

 

In short, a SELF-ESTEEM shop! And maybe there would be a flat fee for every visitor, nothing too steep, say £4/5 per visit, so that it doesn’t discount anyone who doesn’t have much money, but the fee will help to keep the shop going – and also prevent people who may want to abuse the service. And hopefully people would leave knowing just how great they are, by themselves, being themselves.

So… what do you think? Would you visit my little shop JUST FOR YOU!?

ENDLESS GREEN

I LOVE these pictures my partner took the other day on our walk to the park. Nature’s shades of green! 

A Park in Green

Wensum Park, Norwich

The Meeting of earth-green and water-green

The Meeting of earth-green and water-green

TURQUOISE

Turquoise

Turquoise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lately I’ve begun to see – no, sense – the colour Turquoise during my Meditations and Inner works. It has become so frequent, that I looked it up… and here is what I found:

SPIRITUAL BODY MEANING
Serenity
PeacefulnessHumanitarian independence. The green in turquoise grounds psychic seeing in the heart, and then clear seeing (blue) can result. Responsibility for oneself, as in learning. The turquoise teaches the heart the right direction. The love and beauty in green expressing through the power of blue to create the new transcendental heartcalled Ananda Khanda.

MENTAL BODY MEANING
To trust intuition. Extremely adaptive and efficientUtopian outlookIdealismTeaching through mass communication and foreign languages. Talents for technical things. Attitude of self reliance.

EMOTIONAL BODY MEANING
Intuition
 having to do with feeling and knowingness. All the emotional domain, and its “expression” (the emotions themselves are in yellow and orange). Sympathy and empathyOptimismChildlike in the positive sense of the word. When imbalanced: Technophobia (fear of handling electronic apparatus) versus a talent for it.

Source at the bottom of the page.

Turquoise Lotus

Turquoise Lotus (Photo credit: downing.amanda)

Love, healing, generosity, emotion, feeling , the unconscious , intuition, individual responsibility .creativity , communication, self reliance , independence.
This color has more to do with feeling and creative expression than with rational thought.
  These  colors between  green and  blue  the shades of  turquoise, blue green and or aqua  relate to transformation,  evolution, change, sharing, waves,  metamorphosis,  transmutation, the inner teacher, and the spiritual heart or Thymus Chakra, a transpersonal chakra on the hara line (deeper aura level ) about midway between the heart and the throat. This is a chakra which connects us with energies of spiritual love and mystical communion and the Divine or God concept (however you name it ) as teacher and as  Sacred Lover and beloved.  These are shades that admit us to varied realms of  the trans-dimensional, meaning existence beyond time and space.

Source at bottom of the page

Well, I think that was it, all that I wanted to share with you. I hope you enjoyed these little random snippets, and your thoughts, comments & questions are most welcome.

Blessings be

Heidi

Sources

http://www.energyandvibration.com/colorturquoise.htm

http://pjentoft.com/Turquoise.html

A Personal Experience

English: Logo Connecting Emotional Intelligence

English: Logo Connecting Emotional Intelligence (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First of all, I apologise for our recent absence. We were offline for a time – shock horror! – and other things have been happening too. Life has been very busy lately, and I’ve had a hard time trying to keep up and catch up! Neometheus is a little busy at the moment, so I am catching up with posting.

I was wondering what to write about – so many things! But I haven’t done anything recently that I can directly share. I could write about Reiki (and I will later), I could write about Easter and its meaning – we did do a ritual for that… but it didn’t feel right. Then I realised what it was I did want to write about, and that is the other reason I have not been blogging.

This is a slightly different post, and in writing it, I hope maybe to reach out to some people and see if this resonates with anyone else. Maybe even help. That’s part of what this on-line community is about, isn’t it?

I have reached a point in life where I have realised that I am actually having a tough time. Emotionally, I am all over the place. In facing what is happening to me fully, I was surprised to realise that I am not the person I thought I was. I am finding things difficult to deal with, and my emotional behaviour has impacted on every part of my life: my family, my work, my inner peace, my joyfulness. There is no direct cause in this change in me. Nothing traumatic has happened. It is simply due, I believe, to a continual build-up of life’s stresses and pressures. To face the fact that I am not coping well with normal, everyday life stunned me. I don’t have a difficult life: my children are perfectly healthy, and very happy. I have a wonderful, supportive partner. I have a job that is secure. Money is tight, but not desperate. We have a roof over our heads. I don’t have to deal with being a carer for a family member, or with ill health. On the surface, it seems as though my life is pretty good.

So why, then, this sudden change? Why this inability to find happiness? Why am I in tears every week over nothing? Why am I snapping and snarling all the time? Why why why is all that goes through my head. This can’t be me – I’M the one that tries to help others – I’M the one who heals, by listening, or advising, or comforting. I’M an empathiser. I’M the strong one. I hold things together. I’m Super-Mum – I CAN do everything! I’ve been through a lot – and I’ve always got through. I manage. So why now? Why this? What’s different?

My other reason for feeling that this mini-meltdown shouldn’t be happening is all the tools that I have at my disposal: I’m an intelligent person – I can rationalise things, think them through, come to a solution. I can meditate to help myself, I can use Reiki, I can ask my deities and my Guardians for help, I can use a tarot reading… all these and more I can do to find a solution and to help me heal. And yet I haven’t, and I don’t. Again-why?

Because emotional behaviour has nothing to do with intelligence, or rational thought. Reacting emotionally, feeling a thing, takes over. And when you feel down… you lack the energy or motivation to do anything. This emotional ‘down-ness’ has nothing at all to do with intelligent thinking. Knowing something doesn’t effect a change, because I’m not motivated to act upon it.

So, I know I have methods I can use to help myself. I am not motivated to use these methods. So how can I help myself? The first stage is full acknowledgement. It’s no use telling myself ‘I shouldn’t be feeling like this’ – what does that achieve? I DO feel like this; this IS happening to me. Acknowledge I am in an emotional state. Let myself feel it. Trying to deny it only adds more stress, because it will create a conflict in the mind, and translate to the body. I believe this is often the reason people experience physical problems.

Secondly, let’s take a look at a few home-truths: I am fallible. I am human, and have, do and will make mistakes. It is inevitable. This does not mean there is anything wrong with me. Everyone has issues to one degree or another, and you never know what someone else is going through. You are not the only one, and it does not make you a lesser person.

Thirdly, I am NOT super-mum! Who is? Don’t believe the adverts and the t.v. shows. Do your best, make sure the children have what they need, and sometimes, that is enough. Who cares if the house is a mess? Who cares if you forget the odd thing? Again, fallibility comes with the territory! Things aren’t always going to get done on time. So what?

What I am saying here is that I do not know why this has happened. I do not know why I am having a meltdown. But not knowing is O.K – all I have to do is accept, acknowledge, and take things one day at a time, and move forwards, slowly, steadily, without expectation or assumption. I think that it doesn’t matter what your situation is, or how good you think things are – or how bad – that anything can happen to anyone, at anytime – and it is all right. It WILL be all right. Everyone has dark times – and reaching out for help is possibly the best thing that you can do. Gaining support is not a weakness, it is a strength.

All the tools at my disposal – I should be using. But the motivation is not there. I am so tired, so lacking in energy that, paradoxically, the time when I should be using them is the time that I can’t find the energy too. This is why it is good to have support around to lean on: Using the tools I have is another way of saying ‘I don’t need any outside help, I can do it by myself’. Maybe this is a lesson to me to go and ask for help – from the ‘real’ world. And it also goes to show that we need our feet planted in this world, we can’t live in the ‘Other’ world all the time – it does take a lot of energy to Journey, Spirit-travel, and the rest of it. In this, as with everything, there must be Balance. Balance is the key to everything, I believe.

I still have not had a chance to visit the sea (See last post re; Arianrhod), but I plan to, I really do – I would not renege on a deal with a visiting Goddess! And perhaps that will wash my cares away!

I hope this gives you some insight not only into my life, but the way life can take us by surprise and overtake us when we least expect it. And I hope that this reaches out to anyone who may be, or has been, feeling something similar. I will keep you updated, and I hope to post something more cheerful soon!

As ever, your comments, insights and own experiences are very welcome.

Blessings be

How to connect to your Animal Guardian

I realise that I am very lucky: my Animal Guardians came to me, I didn’t have to go searching for them. Apparently though, it doesn’t always happen this way, and this post is an intention to show you some of the ways that you can find and connect with your own personal Spirit Guardian.

Note: here, we are just talking about your animal Guardian: There are many Guides and teachers and yes, even Angels, that reside in the Spiritual Plane, all of whom can help us in their own unique ways, if we consciously connect to them. This post is concentrating on the Animal Guardian connection.

Sometimes, your Guardians do come to you in various and unexpected ways: a friend may give you a gift of an animal representation, and say ‘I thought of you when I saw this’. You may then notice that this animal crops up quite often – on tv, in pictures you see, in dreams… you may even notice your thoughts straying to a particular animal, or thinking to yourself, ‘I feel like bear/butterfly/deer at the moment’, and so on. Don’t ignore this – your Guardian may be trying to connect to you. Look the animal up: see if the symbolism connects with you. If you are still doubtful, look at the meditation/Journey exercise below.

If this doesn’t happen, and you want to reach your Guardian, then there are two ways that I, personally, know of doing this. The first one doesn’t require meditation/Journeying. If you are not familiar with doing that type of trance work, I suggest trying this: Get a mirror, big enough that you can see into without holding it up in your hand, and place it propped in front of you, where you can look into it. Place a candle- any candle, a tealight will do – in front of it, and light it. The flame enhances concentration. Now, you can either stare into the mirror, looking deeply and firmly into your own eyes – the flame should be in your peripheral vision. Or look into the mirror first, into your own eyes, and then transfer your gaze to the flame. Keep your gaze on the flame, don’t stray from it. Do whichever appeals and seems more comfortable to you. Concentrate your thoughts on your Animal Guardian, on reaching and connecting with your animal Guardian. You will enter a light trance state, a meditative state. Eventually, the idea of an animal will show itself to you. Concentrate on it until you are sure it is clear. This may take a while. If you don’t get it first time, don’t give up. It may take a bit of practice. Be sure to thank your animal Guardian for showing itself to you. When you are done, look it up, to see what it represents – this is a mark of reciprocating your honour and respect, your thanks for its appearance, and coming to you.

Note: Depending on what type of person you are, you may see your animal, you may not: instead, you may ‘hear’ or ‘think’ of the animal. Don’t dismiss this, this may be the way it is reaching you. You may ‘feel’ – the strength of a bear, the wings of a butterfly, a paw on your shoulder. Not everyone sees images in this type of work. I very rarely do. I’m a Clairsentient, which means I ‘know’ things, information just suddenly ‘drops’ into my mind, from seemingly nowhere. Sometimes images and feelings accompany this. Whatever happens, trust your instinct. Your instinct is a lot more attuned to this type of work than you may be aware of!

The second way of connecting is through meditation. And there are various ways of connecting once you are relaxed and calm enough. If you are not used to going into a trance like state, you may need to practice first – paradoxically, it can be quite tricky to calm yourself enough to let go of the outer world! Either sit or lie down, whichever is most comfortable for you. Make sure you are in a relaxed position, and I’d advise taking off a watch. Close your eyes, breathe deeply and slowly. To start with, just think of nothing: nothing in your mind, in your brain. Just calm, centering yourself, going inward. No thoughts, just.. calm; emptiness. Once you feel you are ‘inside’ (and you will know when you are there) you can begin to concentrate on your Guardian. As I say, there are two ways of doing this.

The first way is, just to think of connecting to your animal Guardian. Concentrate on that. Call to them: “I would like to connect with my animal Guardian. Please will you show yourself to me?” Again, this may take a while, so be patient. Things may happen; you may see/think/hear/feel various images or scenes. Accept them, let it happen, but don’t involve yourself with them. If and when you see an animal, respond according to your feelings – your inner self and instinct will guide you on what to do. If you connect with an Animal, watch them, and your own feelings. If you are happy, excited, filled with warmth, trust etc, this is likely your Guardian – particularly if they are looking right at you, or are dancing, or doing something else that feels positive. If, however, you feel doubtful or fearful, then this may not be your Guardian. Many strange things can happen when you are ‘seeing’ in a trance state. If you are unsure, think to the vision ‘are you my animal Guardian?’ It will answer you with a yes only if it is. You can stay with the vision, see what else happens. Talk to your Guardian, ask questions – or it may have a message for you. When you are ready to leave, be sure to thank your Guardian, and come back to yourself slowly. You will need to ground yourself after doing this – you may feel strange, lightheaded. Eating is a good way of bringing your self back to normality. Or sit quietly for a while, thinking about your vision, or write it down.

The other way of connecting in meditation is by Journeying. You may want to take a few practice runs at this before travelling to find your Guardian. Start by going to the World Tree. This is where you connect to the Upper, middle, and Lower Spiritual realms. Imagine a huge tree, one that you connect with, that has huge roots and big, widespread branches, the trunk extending far, far up. Some books I have read state that you have to travel downwards, to the Lower World, to connect with your animal Guardian. Personally, I would say that whatever feels right to you, do – again it’s all about trusting your intuition.  (If you are just exploring – taking initial practice runs – you can just climb up and down the Tree, through the branches, see what it has to show you.) Before you go anywhere, state your intent: I wish to connect with my animal Guardian. I am travelling to find my animal Guardian. Then look at the Tree, and go where your intuition leads you.

To get to the Lower World, follow the roots downwards. It may seem to take a while to get there, but the roots will not lead you wrong. If you want to start in the Upper World, climb the tree, past the lower branches, keep going up and up and up… you’ll sudenly ‘clear’ the top branches, you will likely hit a barrier of some sort: clouds, light, or something else. Go up past the barrier, and you are there. For the Middle World, you don’t need to climb. The World Tree is your frame of reference, but here, all you need to do is walk away, heading towards a forest clearing, or a meadow, or something of nature with which you feel comfortable. Once you are there, you are in the Middle World.

Wherever you have chosen to go, keep in mind why you are there: to find your animal Guardian. You may see other things and other animals in these Worlds – every experience is different. Just as with the previous exercise, be guided by your inner responses. If you have negative feelings, remove yourself from the situation you are seeing. If you have positive feelings, by all means engage with what you are experiencing – you might learn something new, or receive messages from other beings inhabiting this World. Just be aware at all times and don’t allow yourself to be ‘sucked into’ something you are not sure about.  Keep focussed. Think of this like taking a walk in an unknown woods – it is peaceful, enjoyable, experiential – but always be alert, for you don’t know what else could be there. Just as in the real world, think about your own safety as much as the weird and wonderful things you are seeing.

Again, as with the above exercise, when you see an animal, ask it directly: Are you my Guardian? And watch and listen for its response. Your Guardian will only ever answer with positive feelings and attitude. Any other animal who has appeared for reasons of their own, will either ignore you, snarl, or give off dubious or negative feelings. If you encounter this, simply turn and walk away, and carry on calling for your Guardian to come to you.

Your Guardian may want to show you their world: whilst with them, they will keep you safe and protect you here, follow and heed them – and enjoy yourself! Or if you prefer, you can return directly – by making your way back to the World Tree. Don’t forget to thank your Guardian for coming to you. Again, make sure you ground yourself when returning to the normal world, and look up the symbolism and traits of your Guardian.

These are my experiences and ways I have come across of connecting with Guardians. This is a not a definitive guide, and you may com aacross other information which differs. Always do what feels right to you. I hope this has been of help to you, and I wish you luck, and most of all, fun with this. As ever, I will be happy to answer any questions you have on this subject, and to hear of your own experiences regarding connecting with your Guardian – or Guardians.

From Northern Antiquities, an English translat...

From Northern Antiquities, an English translation of the Prose Edda from 1847. Painted by Oluf Olufsen Bagge (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Blessings be.