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Challenges And Lessons

What a week or two this has been! Intense emotions and thoughts, reconnecting the past with the present, and bringing new things into my life too!

Raphael with Caduceus

Raphael with Caduceus

 

A short while ago, I began to feel really irritable, for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a moment of irritation – this was a full-blown continuing-for-days irritation, and it was aimed at everything. Myself, the family, the inane conversations of passing strangers, manners – or lack-of – of strangers, t.v. Adverts, inane t.v. Programmes… everything. Where did it come from? Why did it suddenly appear? I thought I’d solved this problem when I quit my job and started my Reiki practice!

I came up with several possibilities for this sudden irritation:

The meds are still having an effect on my system, despite having taken myself off them 6/8 weeks ago – I just stopped taking them because, quite frankly, I didn’t want them anymore – but I didn’t realise that you are not supposed to ‘just come off’ them, you are supposed to gradually increase the dose. This sort of action is typical me, really – all or nothing, stubbornness in doing what I want because I think it’s the best way!

Given my forays further into the Spiritual world, it could be a ‘test’ from that world. I won’t say ‘attack’ – not this time – because it didn’t feel like that. But it could have been a test – how do I cope with my own feelings, emotons? Am I balanced enough to do this work? Can I bring myself back into balance?

Two people very dear to me suggested it could be the negative energies from all the healings I have been doing. Now, Reiki has an in-built fail-safe system that rebuffs any negative energy back to the universe – however it isn’t just Reiki that I have been doing, so this is also a possibility.

The Shamanic world is showing me that I have an issue with internal anger that I need to look at closely. I’m not an angry person, do not mistake me – but that, in its way, is the problem: I have never learnt how to effectively express my anger: I tend to hide it away, keep it bottled inside, until -pop! Just like the fizzy drink bottle analogy. This possibility is one I intend to delve into and discover whether, indeed, I have an issue that I need to explore about myself.

The problem with treading a solitary path is balancing everyday normal reality with the spiritual. There could be an everyday reason for my irritability, and I should not – no-one should ever – ignore this in favour of some more ethereal and esoteric reason for goings-on. But just as important is that I should and need to take into account that it COULD well be a Shamanic/Spiritual experience trying to tell me something. Both are equally important and deserve due attention, because I live and walk in both worlds and attract energies from both worlds. But, I have to work out which world these signs, these energies, these dis-eases come from. How can I move forward and develop if I don’t have an answer? If I just shrug it off as ‘something that happened’, then it could happen again, because I haven’t taken steps to resolve the source of the issue.

In the midst of all this I accepted Litebeing Chronicles ‘retrograde Challenge‘. To reconnect with something old that used to be loved, that you no longer use/read/listen to/wear etc. My post about this will be on November 10th, so

Mercury and Time

Mercury and Time

stay tuned. Now THIS had an interesting impact on my state. I took a whole day, which I had to myself, to totally indulge in ME. And I indulged my Girlie side, which is something I have not done for a very long time. In fact, I insist on telling myself I don’t ‘have’ a Girlie side, because that connotation does not fit with my image of myself. But I am lying! I do have a Girlie side, and boy did it love finally being allowed out! I listened to music of my teenage years (loud!) I painted my nails (rarely seen!), I put on make up for no reason but that I could, I sorted out all my make up stuff (lots got thrown as it was so old, the rest neatened up), and then – I went shopping. Clothes shopping. For fun. Yes, me. Normally I dislike clothes shopping. I am not a natural shopper: I have a low tolerance threshold! But I found I actually enjoyed the process. I put no pressure on myself – financially, or ‘I’ve got to find this or that’, I just went looking, tried on a few things, ambled around… and you know what? I actually caught myself in a kin-like meditative state! Taking pressure off, just wandering around looking… my Mind had stopped thinking, it was concentrating on looking at clothes and – no thoughts. Not ‘no thoughts’ in a vacant negative way, but in a very good not thinking about rubbish way! And it WAS just like a meditation. Well who would’ve thought? Certainly not me! I actually came back with stuff I liked AND having not gone crazy and just bought stuff for the sake of it, I was actually very restrained.

This day of pure self-indulgence did me the world of good. It completely knocked my irritability off, out, and into space. I think the retrograde challenge had a lot to do this (thank you Linda! 🙂 ) And I promise I will expand on this on Nov 10th.

But also – taking yourself out of your normal zone – doing something different, no matter how small, can make a real change in you – shifting your emotions because you are not acting in pattern, and thus, your Mind and emotions cannot react in a learnt responsive way. Being self-indulgent every so often is not selfish: It’s healthy and it is NEEDED – by YOU, and by your nearest & dearest – after all, if you are not at your best, then you cannot help them the best way you potentially could, can you?!

So, the lesson learnt: Every day normal activities can have a Spiritual meaning and effect. Hmm, interesting, and noted!

Blessings be

Reiki Heidi 

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