‘Trust’ – Osho Zen Tarot Card
To leap off of the face of the cliff, not knowing what lies beneath you, but trusting that you will fly free.
This card exactly sums up my situation, attitude and behaviour right now. I am standing on the edge of the metaphorical cliff and I have taken the decision that very soon I shall jump.
I returned to work two weeks ago after being off sick for a long time. Last week, I came home from work and thought, ‘I can’t do this anymore’. The job, my job, no longer fits in with my life. It is not my Inner Truth, it does not call to my highest self. It is a lie. And I can no longer live that lie. So, very soon, I am handing in my resignation. I have no other job to go to.
I am, however, working hard to get my Reiki business ready. I will go self-employed, as a Reiki healer. My website is almost finished, Business cards, flyers and leaflets are next on the list, with of course in this day and age, a Facebook page and, quite possibly, another blog.
Although I am working hard to start promoting my Reiki healing, I cannot predict how many clients I will get and therefore my level of income. Therefore our financial situation may suffer. Despite this, my partner is 100% behind me, and, strange though it may seem, I have no doubt that things will work out!
Why? Why do I feel so confident? Because this is what I have wanted to do for a long time. Because I have been unhappy in my job for a long time. Because somewhere inside is a Voice, a Knowing, that this is right. And for no other reason at all.
Stagnation is the enemy of the human condition. It leads to unhappiness, misery, stress, negativity and regression. Change, Transformation, Growth are what strengthens a person and infuses the soul. It’s scary and sometimes painful – but that’s because we are making a change that will take us forward into new territory – and who knows what wonders lie on the other side?
If I don’t jump, I’ll never know. I have to jump – and fly.
For my sanity, my curiosity, my Inner truth, I have to take this leap of faith.
Have you ever taken a leap of faith?
My continued absence from the blogging world has not been by choice, but necessity. The last few months have been a really rough time for me, but I have come out of it feeling like – and thank you for this metaphor, lindalitebeing! – The Phoenix from the ashes. I am pleased to report that my current outlook on life is optimistic. Full of hope, determination, excitement, and dreams becoming fulfilled.
So let me take you back to the beginning – and explain what I mean about ‘Soul Sickness’.
Have you ever had an event in your life that seemed utterly depressing? Where you felt that you were at the bottom of a well with no ladder? You sit and brood, thinking all is lost, feeling hopeless, useless even, devastated… And then, somehow, after a while, you come out of it – and find a new lease of life. A completely new direction, a wholly new you, and you think, ‘wow! This would never have happened if that horrible event hadn’t happened first.’ This is soul sickness.
What do I mean by that? The Inner you, your soul, knows what you really want – or need. It knows where your life should be going. But the Outer you, the physical you, is happy to pootle along in that boring job, or in that drab relationship, or in that drug or drink induced befuddlement – because this easy and comfortable. Changing, even if we know it is for the best, is HARD. It requires effort. And it’s SCARY. But sometimes, events force our hand. All things happen for a reason. If devastation did not happen to us – we would not have the impetus to make the changes we know we want/need to make. Our Soul takes a hand in life’s events to lead us to where It knows we should be.
Don’t call it Luck. Don’t call it chance. Don’t give the Kudos to other people – thank yourself. YOU made the change, whether you know it or not.
For myself, this is what happened: As you may know if you have read previous posts, I have been battling with ‘low mood syndrome’ for quite some time. I was doing ok, too, refusing to let it beat me, despite the hold it had on me and my life. Then the place where I worked made changed my job without any due care or consideration to personal requirements, needs, feelings or anything else. I – and others – were really angry. I went home and ranted, then, as normal, went to work the next day. Imagine my surprise then, when, on logging in to the system, I had a panic attack. This was the first time in my life I had experienced a panic attack, and it was truly frightening. Again, the managers seemed unsympathetic and again, did not handle it well, until I eventually just told them I was going – walked out of the office.
Thank goodness I have an empathetic, understandable, GP, who saw me the same day and signed me off straightaway. This was at the end of May. I am still off work now. It has taken me until now to recover – and I am still not wholly healed. Since being off work I continued to experience panic attacks, then a continual sense of heightened anxiety. I’ve been constantly tired, sleeping too much, and my concentration has been shot. All this because of a job!
I have done a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing. Throughout my time off, despite all this rubbish going on with me, I have achieved more than I have in the last few years: I’ve completed something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and am awaiting a reply (I don’t want to say any more yet as I don’t want to jinx it!), I’ve applied for new jobs, mainly with charities, AND… I AM NOW SET UP AS A REIKI HEALER! Something I have yearned to do for years, but never felt that ‘the time was right’. I have my insurance, I have a clinic to work from, and Neometheus and I are designing business cards and a website! I am So excited about this, I have more passion in me than I can remember having in a long time. I have a GOAL, a FOCUS, a REASON for Being!
And none of this would have happened if things hadn’t gone wrong at work, and if I hadn’t felt so down. The idea of being down and feeling rubbish for the foreseeable future was loathsome to me. I didn’t WANT to feel like that. And I didn’t WANT to keep working where I was – something I knew several years ago, but just never bothered doing anything about.
I am now at the place that I should have been a long time ago. It took a great big push and shove from my Inner Self to get me here. I never had the courage to follow my mind, heart, and soul. And now I do.
Experiencing Soul sickness is miserable and terrifying – but it is a cleansing of the Self, and if you listen to your Self and have the courage to follow your instinct/heart/dreams – then you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and begin to see the world anew.
Wishing you all the courage and strength to follow your life’s path.
Light & Blessings
Today I would like to share with you a new skill that a wonderful lady I met this week has taught me, and it has made such a difference to my thinking and being already, I really think it is worth sharing with as many people as possible.
Have you heard of 7:11 breathing? If you have, do you know what it is? And if you know what it is, do you know what it is actually doing? Well I hope to explain this simply and effectively. Anyone can do it, and the wonder of it is, you can do it anytime, anywhere, and it only takes a few minutes!
Simply put, 7:11 breathing is a way of breathing, and breathing out for longer than you breathe in. Why? Breathing in is the Alert Mode of our body system, and breathing out is the Relaxation Mode of our body system. So when we breathe out longer than we breathe in, we are helping our bodies to relax and calm down. This is particularly helpful if you are feeling stressed, tense, or your mind is so busy that you are beginning to feel wound up because you cannot let go of all those bothersome thoughts.
And here’s another thing: When our body tenses up, through stress or anger, it can take up to 20 minutes for the body to come back to a relaxed state. So if you have ever wondered why you are holding on to angry feelings, or cannot let go of certain thoughts or the stress you are feeling – it’s because you haven’t given your body enough time and space to be able to fully calm down and reset again. This is also a great example of how the body and mind are linked: When we think about things that makes us stressed or angry, or otherwise emotional – what does the body do? Right – it reacts to those thoughts. And you may not even be aware of it at the time, but with these thoughts, the body begins to tense up. Once the body has reacted in this way, it becomes hard to let go (Sound familiar?) 7:11 breathing releases the tension and stress in both the body and the mind, allowing both to relax and come to a ‘reset’ state of total calm. I did this for just a few minutes with the lady who taught it to me, and those few minutes were enough to completely change my body’s reaction, and, even more wonderful – I stopped thinking! My mind was in a state of total relaxation; no worrying or busy thoughts trying to insert themselves into my brain. As I say, a few minutes of doing this can help immensely – if you can find 20 minutes to do this, it will have an even bigger effect.
Ready to try? Okay here we go then: sit, lie or stand comfortably, whatever feels natural to you. Make sure you are in a relaxed position. Breathe normally to start with, just be aware of your breathing. After a few breaths, pause slightly at the end of your out breath, and then as you breathe in, breathe up from your stomach, all the way up… (known as diaphragmic breathing), feel your chest swelling with your breath, as much as you can comfortably. Try and count how long you are breathing in for. Now, breathe out and count, try to breathe out for longer than you breathed in. To start, don’t worry by how much, just make sure you are breathing comfortably, and get the hang of breathing out longer than in. The idea is that, as you become more practised, you breathe out for 4 more than you breathe in – hence, ‘7:11 breathing’. As you are doing this, keep your shoulders relaxed, your whole body relaxed. Do it as long as it is comfortable. A little to start with, to get used to it. When you have finished, take note of how you feel, in your body and your mind.
And that’s it. That is all there is to it. You can practice this when washing up, hoovering, taking the kids to school, in bed before you go to sleep, watching t.v… anytime, anywhere.
Simple, effective, and potentially life-changing.
I hope you find this useful, and please do let me know if you try this, and your experiences with this marvellous skill.
As you know if you read my previous post (see here), I’ve been a little down lately and struggling to cope with every-day life. Well, the weekend just past saw me and my partner at a lovely hotel, on our own, and grandparents looking after the children. This is the first break we have had since my now 19 month old son was born. No wonder I was getting stressed!
The weekend was wonderful – 2 nights away, and it felt like a week. We did nothing- quite literally nothing, just whiling away the hours as we wanted, sleeping in the afternoon, and just enjoying ourselves. It is amazing what a break from normal routine can do for you. Being away not only from the children but from the house, from the city, gave us the mental and emotional space to clear our cluttered minds, and hit the ‘reset’ button. We came back feeling refreshed, relaxed, and happy – and looking to plan our next break away!
On Monday we went to the beach. It started out as a lovely warm day, the promise of spring in the air. This impromptu decision served 2 purposes: 1) It fulfils my obligation to Arianrhod, (See here) and 2) our boy has not as yet seen the sea. So we decided why not? A lovely follow-on to our relaxing break, to just spend time at the sea. The whole ritual was wonderful; getting out of the house, a leisurely walk to the train station, the train ride… and ah, there it is, the sea! Our boy thought it was great, though didn’t quite dare to get his feet wet – and I don’t blame him, the water was freezing! But the point was – we made the effort to go and enjoy ourselves, not get caught up in all the should-dos of housework. The grin on my son’s face was joyful, running around on the beach and seeing all the sights, and that in itself reminded me – children are so in the moment, to them, it is the experience that matters. Nothing else. Just being.
Yes, that’s me, and no, it wasn’t as cold as it looks in the photo! But the expanse of the sea, the potency, the sheer continuity of it – just to reconnect with the sea again opened up a beautiful feeling inside of me, emphasising the relaxed and contemplative state.
All of this has made me think, has reminded me – that sometimes, we have to take the time to make time for ourselves. Life is so busy, there is always 100 things to do. But the point is – if we don’t look after ourselves, then things are just going to get worse. A little selfishness now and then is not a bad thing. We need to ‘reset’ ourselves every now and again, we need a ‘time out’, just for us, to bring us back into balance and harmony. And that is not going to happen by itself – we need to make it happen. We need to say I deserve to have this time to myself, or this holiday or this treat and then plan it, and make sure we do it!
So I urge you: DO it! Be selfish! Go and have some fun! Take the time to make some time – just for you! I certainly feel much, much better for doing so!
As for fulfilling my obligation to Arianrhod – it seemed such a simple thing. The effect this has had is subtle – no big fireworks mentally or in the physical realm, but I believe a part of the advice was to give me everything that I have stated above: To think about life, about relaxing, about being in the moment. The rest of it I have yet to work out – these inner realm/Otherworldly things often take a while to seep through or absorb. I also feel that a meditation and a reconnection to the Goddess of the Silver Wheel is in order. I may gain further insight or instruction, but mostly to get an insight into her, what She stands for, and why she bade me do this. I will keep you updated with this – if it is appropriate, and interesting, of course!
First of all, I apologise for our recent absence. We were offline for a time – shock horror! – and other things have been happening too. Life has been very busy lately, and I’ve had a hard time trying to keep up and catch up! Neometheus is a little busy at the moment, so I am catching up with posting.
I was wondering what to write about – so many things! But I haven’t done anything recently that I can directly share. I could write about Reiki (and I will later), I could write about Easter and its meaning – we did do a ritual for that… but it didn’t feel right. Then I realised what it was I did want to write about, and that is the other reason I have not been blogging.
This is a slightly different post, and in writing it, I hope maybe to reach out to some people and see if this resonates with anyone else. Maybe even help. That’s part of what this on-line community is about, isn’t it?
I have reached a point in life where I have realised that I am actually having a tough time. Emotionally, I am all over the place. In facing what is happening to me fully, I was surprised to realise that I am not the person I thought I was. I am finding things difficult to deal with, and my emotional behaviour has impacted on every part of my life: my family, my work, my inner peace, my joyfulness. There is no direct cause in this change in me. Nothing traumatic has happened. It is simply due, I believe, to a continual build-up of life’s stresses and pressures. To face the fact that I am not coping well with normal, everyday life stunned me. I don’t have a difficult life: my children are perfectly healthy, and very happy. I have a wonderful, supportive partner. I have a job that is secure. Money is tight, but not desperate. We have a roof over our heads. I don’t have to deal with being a carer for a family member, or with ill health. On the surface, it seems as though my life is pretty good.
So why, then, this sudden change? Why this inability to find happiness? Why am I in tears every week over nothing? Why am I snapping and snarling all the time? Why why why is all that goes through my head. This can’t be me – I’M the one that tries to help others – I’M the one who heals, by listening, or advising, or comforting. I’M an empathiser. I’M the strong one. I hold things together. I’m Super-Mum – I CAN do everything! I’ve been through a lot – and I’ve always got through. I manage. So why now? Why this? What’s different?
My other reason for feeling that this mini-meltdown shouldn’t be happening is all the tools that I have at my disposal: I’m an intelligent person – I can rationalise things, think them through, come to a solution. I can meditate to help myself, I can use Reiki, I can ask my deities and my Guardians for help, I can use a tarot reading… all these and more I can do to find a solution and to help me heal. And yet I haven’t, and I don’t. Again-why?
Because emotional behaviour has nothing to do with intelligence, or rational thought. Reacting emotionally, feeling a thing, takes over. And when you feel down… you lack the energy or motivation to do anything. This emotional ‘down-ness’ has nothing at all to do with intelligent thinking. Knowing something doesn’t effect a change, because I’m not motivated to act upon it.
So, I know I have methods I can use to help myself. I am not motivated to use these methods. So how can I help myself? The first stage is full acknowledgement. It’s no use telling myself ‘I shouldn’t be feeling like this’ – what does that achieve? I DO feel like this; this IS happening to me. Acknowledge I am in an emotional state. Let myself feel it. Trying to deny it only adds more stress, because it will create a conflict in the mind, and translate to the body. I believe this is often the reason people experience physical problems.
Secondly, let’s take a look at a few home-truths: I am fallible. I am human, and have, do and will make mistakes. It is inevitable. This does not mean there is anything wrong with me. Everyone has issues to one degree or another, and you never know what someone else is going through. You are not the only one, and it does not make you a lesser person.
Thirdly, I am NOT super-mum! Who is? Don’t believe the adverts and the t.v. shows. Do your best, make sure the children have what they need, and sometimes, that is enough. Who cares if the house is a mess? Who cares if you forget the odd thing? Again, fallibility comes with the territory! Things aren’t always going to get done on time. So what?
What I am saying here is that I do not know why this has happened. I do not know why I am having a meltdown. But not knowing is O.K – all I have to do is accept, acknowledge, and take things one day at a time, and move forwards, slowly, steadily, without expectation or assumption. I think that it doesn’t matter what your situation is, or how good you think things are – or how bad – that anything can happen to anyone, at anytime – and it is all right. It WILL be all right. Everyone has dark times – and reaching out for help is possibly the best thing that you can do. Gaining support is not a weakness, it is a strength.
All the tools at my disposal – I should be using. But the motivation is not there. I am so tired, so lacking in energy that, paradoxically, the time when I should be using them is the time that I can’t find the energy too. This is why it is good to have support around to lean on: Using the tools I have is another way of saying ‘I don’t need any outside help, I can do it by myself’. Maybe this is a lesson to me to go and ask for help – from the ‘real’ world. And it also goes to show that we need our feet planted in this world, we can’t live in the ‘Other’ world all the time – it does take a lot of energy to Journey, Spirit-travel, and the rest of it. In this, as with everything, there must be Balance. Balance is the key to everything, I believe.
I still have not had a chance to visit the sea (See last post re; Arianrhod), but I plan to, I really do – I would not renege on a deal with a visiting Goddess! And perhaps that will wash my cares away!
I hope this gives you some insight not only into my life, but the way life can take us by surprise and overtake us when we least expect it. And I hope that this reaches out to anyone who may be, or has been, feeling something similar. I will keep you updated, and I hope to post something more cheerful soon!
As ever, your comments, insights and own experiences are very welcome.