Challenges And Lessons

What a week or two this has been! Intense emotions and thoughts, reconnecting the past with the present, and bringing new things into my life too!

Raphael with Caduceus

Raphael with Caduceus


A short while ago, I began to feel really irritable, for no apparent reason. It wasn’t a moment of irritation – this was a full-blown continuing-for-days irritation, and it was aimed at everything. Myself, the family, the inane conversations of passing strangers, manners – or lack-of – of strangers, t.v. Adverts, inane t.v. Programmes… everything. Where did it come from? Why did it suddenly appear? I thought I’d solved this problem when I quit my job and started my Reiki practice!

I came up with several possibilities for this sudden irritation:

The meds are still having an effect on my system, despite having taken myself off them 6/8 weeks ago – I just stopped taking them because, quite frankly, I didn’t want them anymore – but I didn’t realise that you are not supposed to ‘just come off’ them, you are supposed to gradually increase the dose. This sort of action is typical me, really – all or nothing, stubbornness in doing what I want because I think it’s the best way!

Given my forays further into the Spiritual world, it could be a ‘test’ from that world. I won’t say ‘attack’ – not this time – because it didn’t feel like that. But it could have been a test – how do I cope with my own feelings, emotons? Am I balanced enough to do this work? Can I bring myself back into balance?

Two people very dear to me suggested it could be the negative energies from all the healings I have been doing. Now, Reiki has an in-built fail-safe system that rebuffs any negative energy back to the universe – however it isn’t just Reiki that I have been doing, so this is also a possibility.

The Shamanic world is showing me that I have an issue with internal anger that I need to look at closely. I’m not an angry person, do not mistake me – but that, in its way, is the problem: I have never learnt how to effectively express my anger: I tend to hide it away, keep it bottled inside, until -pop! Just like the fizzy drink bottle analogy. This possibility is one I intend to delve into and discover whether, indeed, I have an issue that I need to explore about myself.

The problem with treading a solitary path is balancing everyday normal reality with the spiritual. There could be an everyday reason for my irritability, and I should not – no-one should ever – ignore this in favour of some more ethereal and esoteric reason for goings-on. But just as important is that I should and need to take into account that it COULD well be a Shamanic/Spiritual experience trying to tell me something. Both are equally important and deserve due attention, because I live and walk in both worlds and attract energies from both worlds. But, I have to work out which world these signs, these energies, these dis-eases come from. How can I move forward and develop if I don’t have an answer? If I just shrug it off as ‘something that happened’, then it could happen again, because I haven’t taken steps to resolve the source of the issue.

In the midst of all this I accepted Litebeing Chronicles ‘retrograde Challenge‘. To reconnect with something old that used to be loved, that you no longer use/read/listen to/wear etc. My post about this will be on November 10th, so

Mercury and Time

Mercury and Time

stay tuned. Now THIS had an interesting impact on my state. I took a whole day, which I had to myself, to totally indulge in ME. And I indulged my Girlie side, which is something I have not done for a very long time. In fact, I insist on telling myself I don’t ‘have’ a Girlie side, because that connotation does not fit with my image of myself. But I am lying! I do have a Girlie side, and boy did it love finally being allowed out! I listened to music of my teenage years (loud!) I painted my nails (rarely seen!), I put on make up for no reason but that I could, I sorted out all my make up stuff (lots got thrown as it was so old, the rest neatened up), and then – I went shopping. Clothes shopping. For fun. Yes, me. Normally I dislike clothes shopping. I am not a natural shopper: I have a low tolerance threshold! But I found I actually enjoyed the process. I put no pressure on myself – financially, or ‘I’ve got to find this or that’, I just went looking, tried on a few things, ambled around… and you know what? I actually caught myself in a kin-like meditative state! Taking pressure off, just wandering around looking… my Mind had stopped thinking, it was concentrating on looking at clothes and – no thoughts. Not ‘no thoughts’ in a vacant negative way, but in a very good not thinking about rubbish way! And it WAS just like a meditation. Well who would’ve thought? Certainly not me! I actually came back with stuff I liked AND having not gone crazy and just bought stuff for the sake of it, I was actually very restrained.

This day of pure self-indulgence did me the world of good. It completely knocked my irritability off, out, and into space. I think the retrograde challenge had a lot to do this (thank you Linda! 🙂 ) And I promise I will expand on this on Nov 10th.

But also – taking yourself out of your normal zone – doing something different, no matter how small, can make a real change in you – shifting your emotions because you are not acting in pattern, and thus, your Mind and emotions cannot react in a learnt responsive way. Being self-indulgent every so often is not selfish: It’s healthy and it is NEEDED – by YOU, and by your nearest & dearest – after all, if you are not at your best, then you cannot help them the best way you potentially could, can you?!

So, the lesson learnt: Every day normal activities can have a Spiritual meaning and effect. Hmm, interesting, and noted!

Blessings be

Reiki Heidi 

Posted on October 25, 2013, in Other interesting things and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Working my way backwards through me emails… good that you are purging yourself,.. I was once depleted of energy via a psychic attack and had to do a cleansing exercise upon myself to help clear me from the emotional state… I realised someone was sending me bad vibes via thoughts, and had attached to me what I would call a psychic vampire… sucking at me draining me..
    I too thought I had protected myself.. I called upon the violet flame and St Michael in the end and did a ritual to help clear me.. but it took a lot of will power and strength.. .. While we work in the Light,, we must also never underestimate the power of those wishing to extinguish our light…
    Glad you were able to shake it and are fine now xox

  2. Thanks for the sharing Heidi.
    I’m like that too. I bottle up a lot of irritation and anger until it bursts forth like a volcano…well erupts would be a better word. However, for a long time now I haven’t actually felt angry…so I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not!

    I like how you described the shopping expedition! I don’t really like shopping either…but maybe I need to do that! Not so much clothes shopping..maybe book shopping..I do love zoning out in book

    And very true about taking care of ourselves before we can take care of others. Sure, there’s the thought of being selfless…but there is always a balance.

    You know your thoughts on our daily live can have a Spiritual significance…I just saw a friend quoting about that too!! Hmm..maybe it’s a sign for me 😉

  3. forgive the typos Heidi. it is ” fog” and thanks, not thinks 🙂

  4. You have been on a wild ride lately! Some of what you said screams out to me to reread your astro report, especially about the moods and need to balance. Really happy that your girly girl stint was fun for you and also spiritual. I am so not a girly girl and have little patience for clothing shopping. Now book shopping or music or knick knacks,or jewelry or shoes, no problemo!

    On another note, this current energy pattern is very powerful and funky! It can be difficult to decipher when you are in the middle of the : fog” of retrograde mercury and 2 eclipses.. I am so pleased you joined my challenge and thinks for the link 🙂 I am also glad that it brightened your spirits. I am certain your post will be enlightening!

    blessed be,

    • lol, I’m not usually a Girlie shopper either Linda, I caught myself by surprise with this!
      And thank YOU for the challenge – I’m looking forward to reading about everyone’s experiences x

  5. Wow Heidi, this is a great post! Just allowing yourself to be! While observing yourself and noting… Shadow work, tough but essential for shamanic work.
    You go Girlie Girl 🙂 xox

    P.s. You may wana read another post, by a dear galpal blogger Aleya

  6. The irritation may be old anger being released, and yes by the Reiki. For people to heal, the “crap”, whether it’s physical or emotional, has to come out. Like someone on a diet, the toxins stored on fat cells have to process out of the body, and then they feel sick or “crappy”. You are purging emotional toxins, and they have to come out. Your body also has to purge the toxins from the meds – physically and emotionally! It will take some time. Feel the emotions as they come up and thank them for coming out (but try not to inflict them on others) and drink lots of water! 🙂

  1. Pingback: How do I practice spirituality 5: I Have Fun | shamanictracking

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