I am aware that is a long time between each of my posts – much longer than I actually want it to be. There are so many things I want to share with you, so much I want to say – yet my time is currently taken up with many other projects and life events.
I had intended to write a different post today, sharing how I currently feel and what I am doing -exciting times indeed, for me at least! However, that will have to wait, as I instead want to share with you an AMAZING experience that I was privileged to be a part of.
Facebook can be inane, it can be time-consuming, distracting, and, sometimes, quite frankly, plain rubbish. But it can also be a vehicle for bringing together beautiful groups and amazing, inspiring ideas… and I came across a page and event that was just such a thing. Here is my story:
On Thursday I experienced something wonderful, beautiful and very special: for the first time, I received distant Reiki healing – not from just one person, but about a thousand.
What was this? How did it happen? What did it feel like?
I joined a facebook group that had been set up as a mass global intent to send Reiki healing to whoever asked for it on the page, at the same time on a set date. The page gained momentum, with a thousand healers joining in and thousands of people asking to receive the healing. I participated as a healer, and each healer also received the Reiki energy from each other. The lady who began this project was surprised and very pleased with the success of the page – she really had not expected it to get so big.
I have given many distant Reiki healings, and the feedback has always been very positive. I know what I experience as the healer, but I was not sure with this event what to expect as a receiver. Knowing how Reiki works, that the healing is able to move through time and space to reach the required person with distant healing, I should not have been surprised by what happened – but I was.
The time was set for 7:30pm. I was keeping an eye on the time, ready to begin a few minutes before to get the energy flowing. Ten minutes or so before this time however, I became aware of a strange feeling: like a pulsing within me, a brightness, an open awareness. It was the sensation of a rushing in the ears – without the sound, and not limited to the ears! I realised at once that some of the healers must have started early. It was a strange feeling, especially as I had not been expecting it at that time, and these feelings, these sensations, arrived within me totally without conscious thought on my part.
I promptly stopped what I was doing and joined in, sending Reiki outwards with the focussed intent of it being received by all had asked within this movement. The ‘movement’ was global, both healers and receivers from all over the world joining together to focus on healing at this time, this moment.
The rush of energy was incredible. I can honestly say I have never felt anything like it. I was surprised, amazed, and awed by the feelings washing over me. I could feel the energy I was sending surging outwards, like a rushing warmth – and at the same time was aware of the energy flowing into me, from all of the other healers. There was so much energy, it was quite intense. I almost felt ‘bowed under’ by the waves coming in. The first 20minutes were particularly intense, as everyone was focussed and ready at the same time, sending together, from every point of the globe. The feeling of connection with others, with strangers, with people not known, was total – this was the opening of the Heart Chakra, and of Spiritual purpose.
There were many images that I saw in mind’s eye as this happened – amazing, spiritually-felt images, and many sensations felt. It was peaceful, contentment, pure bliss…. and a wonderful, amazing thing to be a part of. How did it work? It was, to me, an affirmation of the power of Reiki energy – and how it is enhanced when many people come together with one pure, focussed intent. The direction and feeling of distant Reiki increased immensely with so much focus and so many healers all sending at once. It truly was the most amazing experience.
Since Thursday, the last few days have been very calm and peaceful for me – both without and within. I have been in that ‘Just Be’ place: i.e. no busy mind trying to over-think or running an internal dialogue. No getting stressed because there is too much to do. No extraneous emotions. Everything has just been flowing, simply and naturally. I am just as busy as ever, looking after the children, helping my partner with his current projects, planning and organising my own projects… yet as far as I am concerned there are no obstacles, there are no problems – everything is clear, everything will work out. My body feels healthy and grounded. On Friday I ate a lot – grazing throughout the day, and all good, nourishing food. Usually I am a bit ‘slap-dash’ with the way I eat, not always at regular times or in the way I should. My mind is clear and calm. And I have been aware of thoughts of gratitude for my current position and situation in life – something that is so easy to forget and so often neglected.
Conclusion: – Mass intent Reiki distant healing works wonders! I entered into it because I enjoy giving Reiki, because it good to give back sometimes, and because it looked like an interesting event. I received far more than I ever expected!
Following the success of this event, the lady who set it up has now started a ‘Community Page’ on facebook, for all healers and those wanting to receive Reiki to join, where she will set up regular distant healing events. If you wish to join this and experience Global Reiki healing for yourself, the link is here
Facebook name: ‘World Hug & Healing’
This post is one that I have intended to write for some time, detailing some unique and strange experiences in my life, that I have never quite been able to explain. I have put this into sub-headings, so please feel free to browse and skip and read only what seems interesting to you! First however, a new experience from today….
Chakras and Totem Associations
I have recently begun to see particular images, or ‘Totems’ at chakra points as I do self-reiki. The first I saw was at my throat chakra, and was a Koi carp, which symbolises good fortune, prosperity, and also the Yin-Yang symbol (apparently the yin-yang is said to be actually be made up of two Koi, male and female, in balance). The second image came to me at the Crown and 3rd Eye chakra, and was the Copper Beech tree. This represents learning, knowledge, crossing barriers, communicating knowledge – very apt, for the chakra points. I knew nothing of the meaning of this tree – I didn’t even know what the tree WAS when I saw it, but it was so vivid that I looked it up on the internet and found it, and of course was suitably stunned by the symbolic meaning. And today I saw a Totem at my Heart chakra – a Hummingbird. After the session, I was discussing with my partner, Neometheus, about my use of energy at the moment and how I feel depleted, and some of this depletion is coming from ‘thinking’ too much: thinking of all the jobs that need doing, that I should be doing, the pull in different directions of my energies. Then I looked up Hummingbird – and was, yet again, hit by the synchronicity of Hummingbird meaning: one site says:
Hummingbirds are also a reminder of how we expend our own energy. When hummingbirds show up in our lives, it’s a good time to take a look at ourenergy-stores and resources. hummingbirds warrant an honest look at how we are maintaining our vibrational frequencies. Are we frittering away our energy on needless issues (ie: worry, fear, lack)? Or, are we in a state of well-honed, regulated balance when it comes to our energy and resources?
Hummingbird is very much linked to the Heart – it is about Lightness, fun, joy, clearing negativity. I am enjoying this chakra/totem association, discovering the many-layered aspects interwoven in the meanings, what they mean to me and how to use them wisely, knowingly, understanding the meaning and pattern developing in my life.
I know this sounds morbid, but it is true. In a 7 year period from age 15/16 to some time in my early 20’s, I had 3 death dreams. They were so realistic I could FEEL my death for days afterwards. I remembered the dreams, the experience of dying, the fear, that these feelings are still with me today, 10+ years later.
Dream 1: Sarajevo war. I have no idea why, I was quite a young child during the time of that war and this dream was years later. I was sitting in a cafe filled with people, when soldiers came in and started firing automatics. I remember ending up on a heaped pile of dead bodies, me still alive, playing dead and hoping against hope the soldiers would leave… but they didn’t, they fired into the bodies, the bullet hit me… life bled, faded from me, I felt life leave me, turn to black… I felt that bullet. I felt death come for me. It was real. And it scared the hell out of me.
Dream 2: English-German council of peace after the war. Both armies sitting at a table discussing moving forward in peace. I was at the head of the table, the diplomat, the ‘neutral’ or aligned party, on both sides and neither side. A soldier burst in through the door, yelling, aimed his gun – at me. Again, the bullet hit. Again, I felt the disorientation, the draining of life, knowing I was dying, seeing only blackness… felt death begin.
Dream 3: I found myself walking down a corridor… and knew it was towards the electric chair. I was walking to my own execution. Panic gripped me: I had to escape. I ran into the bathroom, breathing hard, looked at the window, the walls… no escape. Nowhere to run. I was really going to my execution, there was no denying it, no choice. This was it. I had 5 minutes of life, and then – death. This time the dream ended there, not actually at my death. But the panic, the knowing of death to come… when I awoke, that panic was still with me.
I still, to this day have no idea why I had these dreams. There was no obvious trauma in my life at those times – I remember questioning the dreams at the time. Some subconscious forces were obviously at work, but I never did uncover them. On the same sort of theme, I have several times woken from dreams and found myself actually crying. This has not happened for some time, but again, some strong subconcious actions happening to induce such a physical reaction, and again, not something I ever discovered the ‘why’ of.
Abundant Spiritual Connection
At the age of around 14/15, I was walking in my local town, on a normal day, in a normal way. Suddenly, noticing the people around me, walking, talking, being normal, I felt this amazing connection with them all – suddenly I could not understand how they could just walk past me and disappear from my life, as if they did not exist. To every person I felt this spiritual connection, and had an almost panic-reaction to their coming-and-going in a blink of an eye, that they did not acknowledge this connection with each other. The feeling lasted for seconds, literally, but was so profound, it has stayed with me to this day. I have never been able to reconnect with this feeling/understanding, and I don’t know why it happened that day. It was totally out of the blue, came from nowhere, and disappeared again. Leaving me with just a glimpse of absolute, total, inter-connectedness.
Beside myself, quite literally
I have saved the weirdest, the strangest, the most unique experience in my life until last. There are very few people who know this tale, and of those I have spoken to, I have not yet come across anyone who has experienced anything like this. Comments, suggestions and thoughts particularly on this will be very welcome indeed.
Again, this started at the age of about 15 (In writing this post, I am beginning to see a strange pattern!) And again it stopped sometime in my early/mid-twenties. It always happened when a) I was alone, & b) when I looked in a mirror… something ‘shifted’ inside me, and I was no longer quite myself. I felt myself to be, literally, ‘beside’ myself, overlapping my body side-wise; half in my body and half to the side of it. I looked in the mirror and knew it was me, but also felt like a stranger. I became uncomfortably conscious: super-aware of myself, of every action, that it was extremely unsettling. Simple actions, such as brushing my hair, picking up items… felt like someone else was in control, was doing it, with me kind of watching. Yet it felt like ‘me’, it felt like a stronger, wiser, better me, somehow. Me, but a different me who was in control of my body, whilst Me me watched, terrified, wanting to be back to just being me. This sensation could last anything from 15/20 mins up to maybe an hour or so. It really did terrify me because it was such a strange feeling, and I had no idea how or why it was happening. It didn’t happen on a regular basis, but often enough that it was more than a handful of times over that period.
I don’t know why it started. I don’t know why it stopped. And I sure don’t know what the hell it was! I have never been able to find an answer to this.
And Finally, back to dreams…
Last night I had a dream about my right hand having to be cut off (I am right-handed). There was nothing wrong with it in the dream, but I knew it had to go. At first I was terrified, I didn’t want it to be amputated (especially with the stanley knife that was the tool in the dream!). But eventually, I surrendered, choosing to accept the fate, and told them to do it now & quickly. Then it no longer needed to be cut off… as if in the surrender, I had ‘fixed’ the problem, or maybe passed a test. I had a similar dream some months ago about my forearm or perhaps whole arm, accept I had 2 chances in that one, the first I chose to allow my arm to be cut off, which then regrew, the 2nd time I chose to keep my arm and not have it cut away. I am not entirely sure of the theme here but there is definitely something deep going on, and I and Neometheus believe it has something to with ‘control’ and ‘letting go’.
If you have stuck with me so far – wow, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this rather strange trip, and please feel free to share your own strange experiences, or to comment on any of the above – any and all thoughts welcome!
Light & Blessings be,
I have been itching to write this post for some time, however I have been, metaphorically speaking, running to catch up with myself as so much has happened. Finally I have the space, time, and energy to write this and let you all know what has been happening.
Some of you may have read my post about ‘Reiki & Shamanism’, where I talk about the fact that I use Shamanic practices in some areas of my life. Well, since that post, a few days after in fact, a strange happening occurred… I had a strange headache: It tingled, it made me feel ‘odd’, but didn’t hurt like a headache. As the day wore on, I began to feel disorientated and sick. Yet I was not ill, I didn’t have a cold, there was nothing else wrong with me. This feeling persisted continuously for another day, at which time I had a lay down to Reiki heal myself. I asked my Guardians for help, and asked them directly ‘what is this?’ I had the feeling they were reluctant to tell me, they got on with doing… something to me, but I kept drifting off. All I got from them was the word ‘Seperation’. My partner also Reiki’d me… and told me that he saw a black shard in my 3rd eye chakra, cobwebs in my aura, and my aura was fractured from my head (where the disorientation had emanated from) down to my Hara line.
In short, the Shamanic Reiki healings I had done had left me open to ‘negative’ energies that had attached themselves to me… and physically affected me. This realisation – that spirtual energy working could & did have an actual real-life effect shook me up the more I thought about it. I had intended to just do Reiki… and in doing Shamanic healing and not protecting myself, I left myself open to energies.
As I absorbed this over the next few days, something changed in me. A calling, a hardening, a shifting of spiritual thinking… ‘Warrior’ it said, deep within me. ‘Warrior’. My Healing self had realised something important: I am here not just to heal, but to protect. And it was then I realised also: My calling is that of Shaman. Not just to use Shamanic practices, but to BE a Shaman, to walk the walk, to apply myself fully to this path… and that includes protecting people.
This may not seem like much, but it was – is – a big deal. A spiritual evolution, if you will. A change in my very being. A few days after I consciously acknowledged and accepted that I am a Shaman, I had another strange effect… the same kind of disorientation, accompanied by emotionally disturbing feelings. I really thought I was going a little mad at one point, and had to fight with myself to stay in control. I’d done no other healings in this time, & can only believe that it was a test from the Universe to see if I really meant what I said about being a Shaman – did I scare easily? Would I quit?
Quit? How can I quit what I am?! No! The next day I put together a crystal Medicine bundle – Tiger’s eye; Tourmaline; Malachite; Citrineand a special flat stone I have with a Snake (my Animal guardian) engraved upon it. I also got a friend to make me up a crystal protection bracelet, and I bought some Frakincense as well. My intention is to make up a proper Medicine Bag, but I have my ‘starter kit’ for now.
I think more often now about the Darkness. Not that I am being ‘led’ to the ‘Dark side’, but if I am to Protect, then I must know, I must acknowledge, I must look at the darkness. It is nothing specific, it is thought, feeling, knowing. Darkness is there: I WILL face it. Yin-Yang – Balance, dark & light together is life. Everyone talks about the light: healing, positivity comments and posts on facebook etc, like ‘Stay strong, angels are with you’, ‘Let love surround you’… and so on. There is nothing wrong with this… but right now it irritates me, because it is not balanced with the fact we do experience darkness and negativity and we cannot just hope this goes away – we have to work with it and through it. In short – my thinking patterns have changed, shifted, to accommodate my new Being.
I have also collected feathers – something I’ve been drawn to since the Shaman calling. At first, pigeon feathers. ‘Not really appropriate for you’, says my other half, but on thinking, I disagreed. Consider: The pigeon is a humble bird, an
everyday bird, nothing special. The pigeon ADAPTED to city life, and is now a very part of the city. I wanted to wear a feather in my hair, and I did try. Not to be pretentious, not to say ‘look I’m different’, but the idea called to me, & I believe because it is a way of marking my identity to myself a reminder in the everyday world of my calling and my duty. However it wasn’t very practical and did not work very well! This has already progressed however – I very happily found some crow feathers – yes, the Dark – and put them away until I found some swan feathers (of which I am still hoping to find more). Black and white… Yin-Yang… Balance. I also have duck and geese feathers… because they are beautiful; they are part of my surroundings; they are part of my part of the Earth – it is connection. My intention is to get some purple and/or white cord, and make up feather medicine bundles, to hang up as appropriate. If I can get some clasps, then I may have a way of being able to attach and detach these feathers in my hair, as and when it seems appropriate!
The other day, I took a walk in the local park, and really noticed everything around me for the first time. I consciously connected with my surroundings, and it was beautiful. I was hoping for more swan feathers- long, full feathers, but what I got was something just as fantastic, if not more so… by dipping into closespaces half-hidden by low branches close-knit trees, and greeting the Great Willow Tree Spirit – I found two workable willow sticks! Perfect for ‘starter’/practice wands and staffs! I was so so happy.
I have also started seeing particular symbols at certain chakra points during Reiki healings on myself: first, I saw a Koi carp at the throat chakra, then I saw a Copper Beech tree at the Crown chakra. This is something entirely new to me, and something else to explore and work out the meanings and see what connects to the other chakras and how they fit.
And… I have begun chanting in the mornings. On the way walk back from the school run. Yes, I know, people must think I am mad. But it started one morning, a low sound in my throat, and carried on, as I looked at the sky, the trees… the Life around me. And it calms me, centres me… and I find it hard to stop. It is a chant to Nature, an acknowledgement and a thanks, it is just a simple ‘hey-yeyyey-heyyey-hiyi…’ sort of sound, that carries itself on.
So. In several weeks my whole Inner World has changed, and it has affected Who I Am on the outside too. I am still me, but I am different.. I have had a Spirit-evolution. It has taken me some while to abosrb and understand. I have passed through the other side… and there is a looooooooooong walk ahead of me. It is exciting, slightly daunting, and potentially life changing.
A Warrior always stands alert, ready.
A Warrior fights from the heart.
A Warrior fights to protect – Herself, her kith, kin & clan.
A Warrior stands. Always.
Your thoughts & comments are, as always, welcome.
Light & Blessings
My continued absence from the blogging world has not been by choice, but necessity. The last few months have been a really rough time for me, but I have come out of it feeling like – and thank you for this metaphor, lindalitebeing! – The Phoenix from the ashes. I am pleased to report that my current outlook on life is optimistic. Full of hope, determination, excitement, and dreams becoming fulfilled.
So let me take you back to the beginning – and explain what I mean about ‘Soul Sickness’.
Have you ever had an event in your life that seemed utterly depressing? Where you felt that you were at the bottom of a well with no ladder? You sit and brood, thinking all is lost, feeling hopeless, useless even, devastated… And then, somehow, after a while, you come out of it – and find a new lease of life. A completely new direction, a wholly new you, and you think, ‘wow! This would never have happened if that horrible event hadn’t happened first.’ This is soul sickness.
What do I mean by that? The Inner you, your soul, knows what you really want – or need. It knows where your life should be going. But the Outer you, the physical you, is happy to pootle along in that boring job, or in that drab relationship, or in that drug or drink induced befuddlement – because this easy and comfortable. Changing, even if we know it is for the best, is HARD. It requires effort. And it’s SCARY. But sometimes, events force our hand. All things happen for a reason. If devastation did not happen to us – we would not have the impetus to make the changes we know we want/need to make. Our Soul takes a hand in life’s events to lead us to where It knows we should be.
Don’t call it Luck. Don’t call it chance. Don’t give the Kudos to other people – thank yourself. YOU made the change, whether you know it or not.
For myself, this is what happened: As you may know if you have read previous posts, I have been battling with ‘low mood syndrome’ for quite some time. I was doing ok, too, refusing to let it beat me, despite the hold it had on me and my life. Then the place where I worked made changed my job without any due care or consideration to personal requirements, needs, feelings or anything else. I – and others – were really angry. I went home and ranted, then, as normal, went to work the next day. Imagine my surprise then, when, on logging in to the system, I had a panic attack. This was the first time in my life I had experienced a panic attack, and it was truly frightening. Again, the managers seemed unsympathetic and again, did not handle it well, until I eventually just told them I was going – walked out of the office.
Thank goodness I have an empathetic, understandable, GP, who saw me the same day and signed me off straightaway. This was at the end of May. I am still off work now. It has taken me until now to recover – and I am still not wholly healed. Since being off work I continued to experience panic attacks, then a continual sense of heightened anxiety. I’ve been constantly tired, sleeping too much, and my concentration has been shot. All this because of a job!
I have done a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing. Throughout my time off, despite all this rubbish going on with me, I have achieved more than I have in the last few years: I’ve completed something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and am awaiting a reply (I don’t want to say any more yet as I don’t want to jinx it!), I’ve applied for new jobs, mainly with charities, AND… I AM NOW SET UP AS A REIKI HEALER! Something I have yearned to do for years, but never felt that ‘the time was right’. I have my insurance, I have a clinic to work from, and Neometheus and I are designing business cards and a website! I am So excited about this, I have more passion in me than I can remember having in a long time. I have a GOAL, a FOCUS, a REASON for Being!
And none of this would have happened if things hadn’t gone wrong at work, and if I hadn’t felt so down. The idea of being down and feeling rubbish for the foreseeable future was loathsome to me. I didn’t WANT to feel like that. And I didn’t WANT to keep working where I was – something I knew several years ago, but just never bothered doing anything about.
I am now at the place that I should have been a long time ago. It took a great big push and shove from my Inner Self to get me here. I never had the courage to follow my mind, heart, and soul. And now I do.
Experiencing Soul sickness is miserable and terrifying – but it is a cleansing of the Self, and if you listen to your Self and have the courage to follow your instinct/heart/dreams – then you will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and begin to see the world anew.
Wishing you all the courage and strength to follow your life’s path.
Light & Blessings